S5E10: A Deep Dive into Dissertation Theses, Drug Trips, and Dead Trees

Swimming in Sweetwater: A Deep Dive into Riverdale

S5 Ep 10 Chapter 86 The Pincushion Man

Riverdale may be fictional but there is a real crisis going on, if you are looking to help Afghan refugees here is a charity that helps them get settled

Back to the nonsense--

Betty: Official FBI Investigation - no Jugheads allowed

10 agents on the Lonely highway - where were all these people when the black hood was around?

• Sherwood Asylum? What is this Asylum?? Wasn’t he never really captured and then Penelope used him as the Gargolye king? Oh WAIT I forgot about the hannibal lector room, how did he escape?? OMG the prom murders jesus this show is dark

So his theory is that multiple killers are all in agreement to kill people around Riverdale, because all the dead bodies in the swamp span such a time. Betty thinks the killer is a man in his 50s (time to go back to the drawing board, so lame when they try and limit it who is old enough and not a murderer already, could it please be hiram so we can get him out of here)

Her boyfriend is writing a dissertation about her family??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?? Dude, dude thats fucked up

Fuck yeah she slaps him

This is the saddest birthday party ever, where are the other children, speaking of what happened to the elementary school?

WHAT THE FUCK IS ON CHIC’S HEAD??? Is it a wig, did he stop to curl his hair before coming over? Did they call the police before sitting down? Or like text her boyfriend not boyfriend? A WEDDING, of course alice is an officiant,

The twins have had like 1 line each. Betty really needs to start actually participating in therapy because she keeps saying she is a lost cause but SHE HAS NOT KILLED ANYONE well until this episode. Alice has such a messed up relationship with her children.

So wait her boyfriend knew her brother, like biblically knew?? Whats the dynamic here because CHarles is like super pissed

Veronica isn’t really divorced because of course not

She wished him dead, girl same. Also did he know that and pull a hiram? Like did he fake the plane crash?

Damn am i getting into the idea of chad? This is how all marriages should end, in a reverse.

Dancing to first song. I DO NOT TRUST HIM THOUGH

CHAD IS IN DEBT?!?! He is now blackmailing her? Get a Lawyer bitch, get a lawyer

Cheryl yet again asking the question - is the maple syrup industry profitable? And Hiram asking the question - is riverdale making a commentary on the evils of real estate or do they also not understand how it works?

Also Nana rose is now positing the theory that the blossoms only have maple syrup because they are saddddd What is this curse?

WHY DOES HIRAM CARE ABOUT RIVERDALE HIGH SO MUCH WHAT IS THE ANGLE HERE??

Palladium vein - is this a red herring? Is this really the evil plot?

Hiram orchestrates a prison break, and reggie sets fire to maple grove, but Cheryl is obsessed, she will keep these groves

Nana Rose says the curse could be ended by killing the interloper, really inconsistent with this curse.

Sex Dreams in the Sex Bunker with not a sex friend

Jugheads agent is like really good? A spot that usually goes to Steven King

Jughead is going to trip to write the book and rather than ask A) his best friend slash roommate Archie B) his alleged long term friend who was doing coke at 13 Veronica C) his pseudo step mom Alice: he asks his boss that he is sexually attracted to and has already kissed

Later she will call herself his girlfriend which is confusing but was that just because of his ex? What trauma needs to be uncovered that is new??

I am sad the name is just maple mushrooms, also can you just cook psychedelic mushrooms with no training into a sauce, don’t you have to be careful or whatever? Also why are we in charge of the bunker again, Jughead is living at Archies??

Jughead is rolling, so she chains him to the table, which seems like a BAD IDEA

Betty appears in dream form “What I did to you senior year” Also what is on jughead’s chest??

What was the pigtailed alien thing

Riverdale better commit fully for the first time, this better be aliens. Bloody manuscript and a missing Jughead

Archie should not be teaching War Ethics

he is asking if its okay to disobey orders - and the answer is yes and for some reason a GENERAL IS THERE IN CLASS??? This town doesn’t have functional fire department

THE WAR IS IN Uzbekistan!?!?!!!! Riverdale!! You can not handle this kind of current events

Why are the prisoners attacking the school? Oh because hiram is paying them? Love that Kevin is getting some action, even if it isn’t from fangs.

Archie is also at odds with the GENERAL who honestly shouldn’t know he exists, and if archie was in such promentate missions he should have a better position. But the NYT exists in Riverdale so thats something. Also did Archie not mention the prison break to veronica on this call??

Fact Check Corner

Palladium vein - this is real somehow, there is some in Montana

Archie is getting the Silver Eagle - doesn’t exist - there is the silver medal and there is a commendation medal that is bronze and has an eagle on it

Uzbekistan is a real country with some problems, we do have a military base there

Betty’s death count : was zero before this episode, a reminder that Alice has killed at least 2

Derry is not in NY but in NH or in Maine

While anyone can sign up to be an officiant you are not actually married until you sign and file a license with the state.