The Apt Cods Podcast: Pet Vet 1
Manage episode 309219844 series 3029145
![hear it!](http://teaandcrumpets.110mb.com/sound.gif)
Nurse: What is his name?
Owner: Slither.
Nurse: What is his problem?
Owner: He's gone mad.
Nurse: He's gone mad! Slither has gone mad!
Owner: (crying)
Nurse: He is in solitary confinement and now he's escaped!
Owner: (scream)
Surgeon: Why do you keep him in that pumpkin thing?
Nurse: Why don't we have a lid for that?
Owner: Where's a lid? Where's a lid?
Surgeon: Miss, find a lid!
Nurse: Find a lid!
(struggle)
Nurse: He's getting loose! Aghkkgwak!
Surgeon: Nurse? Nurse? Have you seen my CD player?
Owner: I don't think that has a lid.
(silence)
Nurse: Get back in there!
(pounding)
Nurse: Be very quiet. Maybe the loud noises are scaring him.
Surgeon: How long has he been this way?
(silence)
Nurse: Yes, how long has he been this way?
(Pause)
Owner: (sigh) Well... since this morning.
Nurse: So... this morning?
Surgeon: Describe what happened.
Owner: Well, I... I don't know. I was just...
Surgeon: So, you - when you woke up, did he just go crazy or what?
Owner: I... I was just walking in to feed him... and... he was... slithering around like crazy.
Nurse: She was walking in to feed him and he was slithering around like crazy.
Surgeon: What do you feed your animal, Miss?
Owner: What snakes eat. Mice, and... um...
Nurse: Speak louder, please.
Owner: A-he-he-hem. I feed the snake MICE!
Nurse: Okay, that's better.
Surgeon: Were any of the mice acting the same way as your snake?
Owner: The snake wouldn't eat and now the cage is full of mice.
Surgeon: hmm. Perhaps you have been overfeeding your snake.
Owner: No. I feed him a mouse a day.
Surgeon: Well, Miss, that is called overfeeding your snake. A mouse a day is not good for a snake.
Owner: Half a mouse a day, then.
Surgeon: No. I think you should feed him a mouse a month.
Owner: I feed him a mouse a month!
Surgeon: Does he get the sun and the water that he needs?
Owner: Yeah...
Surgeon: How big is his cage?
Owner: This big!
Nurse: That is a tiny cage!
Surgeon: He probably has gone crazy because his cage is too small.
Surgeon: You need to get a 100 gallon aquarium.
Owner: How big is that?
Nurse: I don't know.
Surgeon: What kind of snake is this thing?
(sound of opening cage)
Nurse: Let me see. It appears to be a Phillipine Spitting Cobra.
Surgeon: Um... nurse? The patient.
Nurse: It just bit me a few moments ago.
Owner: (gasp)
Nurse: No, actually, it didn't.
Surgeon: Hand me the patient.
(silence)
Surgeon: Okay. We need to operate on this snake immediately!
Nurse: Yes, sir.
Surgeon: What should we do to it? Let me turn on my operating light...
(click)(click)(click)(click)
Surgeon: It's not plugged in.
Nurse: Let's unplug the sewing machine.
Surgeon: Hmm... a sewing machine...
(pause)
Surgeon: okay. That's fixed.
Nurse: We have prepared the patient on the operating table.
Surgeon: all right. What do you advise we do to it, Nurse?
Nurse: I don't think he needs any surgeoning, as I call it.
Surgeon: Are you sure?
Nurse: Unless he needs a few adjustments to the brain to stop him from being mad.
Surgeon: That's my specialty.
Nurse: Oh no! DON'T USE THE SEAM RIPPER!
Surgeon: Fine. I'll use the needle.
(silence)
Nurse: Well, are you done making the adjustments to the brain?
Surgeon: Brain? Adjustments? Oh yeah...
Nurse: What have you been doing? Stabbing his skin?
Nurse: Just get on with it.
Surgeon: Uh-oh. Our audience might be squeamish. Uh... what should we do to secure this? Ah! there we go!
Nurse: GROSS! Oh, please! This snake can't have antennae!
Surgeon: Looks rather dashing to me.
(pause)
Surgeon: All we did, audience, was block out a few of the nerves that make him go crazy. Um... I advise the owner... Miss!
Owner: Yes?
Surgeon: I advise you to get a bigger aquarium for the snake and stop feeding him so much.
Nurse: And make the aquarium comfortable. Something that you would like.
Surgeon: Ah, the snake's awake! Augghhh! Aaauuugghh! Aaaaaauuuuggg-
Surgeon played by Joseph
Nurse played by Mary
Owner played by Emma
12 episodes