3. Overcoming Self-Criticism: What Your Empty Pages Teach You

The Beauty Hunters Podcast | Strategies and Inspiration to Thrive as a Creative

Show notes:

Hey there, creative soul! In this episode of The Beauty Hunters Podcast, we dive into a story that will resonate with anyone who's ever felt the sting of self-doubt and the relentless inner critic. Jonathan shares his remarkable journey from struggling with his creativity to experiencing a profound breakthrough.

We explore the lessons he learned from a stack of blank pages in old journals and how embracing your creative identity is a transformative journey. If you've ever felt like your creative spark was flickering, this episode is for you.

Tune in to discover how to silence that inner critic, make peace with your empty pages, and step into your creative potential. It's time to unlock your creative power and start celebrating your unique story.

So grab your favorite journal, find a cozy spot, and let's embark on this creative journey together.

If today’s show bless you, then please leave an iTunes review and share with a friend. Your share will double our impact so that together we can make the world a more beautiful place.

Sending you lots of love, Michelle Rose

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Transcript:

Michelle Rose 0:03

Hey there friends. Today we're diving into a portion of Jonathan's story that is truly eye opening. It is the story of breaking through that inner critic and we can't wait to share it with you.

Jonathan Rose 0:14

Are you creative, but feel stuck and tired of not having enough time and money to create? Do you dream of your content making a significant impact on those around you? At the end of the day, Are you frustrated that you have no energy left to be creative? You are not alone.

Michelle Rose 0:32

Welcome to The Beauty Hunters Podcast. Where we explore life's beautiful moments to awaken your creative heart. We are your hosts, Jonathan and Michelle Rose, fellow creative souls who have broken out of the daily grind and are living full time in our creative pursuits. We understand the struggle and are here to guide you with inspiring stories and strategy is on the path to vibrant creativity.

Jonathan Rose 0:57

So if you're ready to take your creativity to the next level, and release it into the world, then grab your coffee. Tune in and let's create a more beautiful world together.

Michelle Rose 1:10

Hey, Jonathan, before we dive deep into your story, I know when we were preparing for this episode. I feel like I discovered something new about you. And it's really interesting because I know in the last episode, we talked about how I dealt with inner critic, but I didn't actually realize that you dealt with that too.

Jonathan Rose 1:28

Yeah, I think the inner critic can be that way. A lot of times it's just this quiet subtext that we deal with silently in our own minds. And it's not like we're saying those things out loud. But it's just this constant inner dialogue that I struggled with for years.

Michelle Rose 1:44

Well, your journey from self doubt creative breakthrough is truly inspiring. And I believe that it will resonate with a lot of our listeners who may be facing these similar challenges. So let's dive into your story.

Jonathan Rose 1:55

Yeah, I hope it can be an encouragement because I think that self criticism is such a common problem. But it's not often talked about and I think especially creatives deal with that on such a deep level when it comes to our own expressions of creativity. So for me, one of my primary expressions creatively is through writing, particularly in poetry. I've been writing for over 30 years, I've been an avid journaler for most of my life. So you can imagine over the span of decades, I've accumulated a lot of journals, just stacks and stacks of journals, filled with memories and poems and stories and all of my reflections. Avid journalers and writers out there maybe can relate with this. These journals were like old friends, you know, just people that were carrying all of my memories in and they were just this precious sacred space stuff. But here's the twist. These journals are old friends, but they're also one of the main sources of this inner critic because in addition to pages and pages and pages of writing, they also had pages and pages and pages of blank space. Because my journaling history looks like this. I would have an on off relationship and there'd be seasons where I'd be journaling a lot and then it'd be seasons where they just be these huge gaps for months. Sometimes even years of just empty space. And these gaps represented the busy and stressed out periods of my life. They were the darker times the seasons when I felt like I was losing myself in the daily grind. And they were moments when I felt overwhelmed with responsibilities and bills and jobs and kids and chasing the American Dream is like it's a whole package.

And that's when the inner critic was the most relentless was during those gaps. I felt like I was failing as a writer I was failing as a creative. And so there was times when I found that the sacred space of my journals was also just this suffocating space, reminding me of my failures and times and I just felt like I'm just no good at this even though there was lots of really good beautiful pages full of poetry and inspiring words. So one year in January you know, January that wonderful season of self reflection and self criticism when we make those New Year's resolutions. I was in that mind space again, where I was just kind of down on myself and saying to myself, I'm going to do better this year. And so I was taking a closer look at my journaling history and I gathered all of my old journals. And I began to reflect on all of my writing history. And there was a lot of empty pages and you know, that self critic was really loud. But then as I was reading through, I just started flipping to random pages and just reading different pages through different seasons of my life. And I realized, man, there's a lot of gold here. A lot of good memories. A lot of really good poems.

A lot of really good insights and stories,

Michelle Rose 4:57

Man that sounds like it must have been quite a fun journey down memory lane. What did you discover during this reflection?

Jonathan Rose 5:04

That is what surprised me the most. So as I was going down that memory lane and looking at all the full pages and all of the empty pages. I realized that my inner critic was defining my creativity by all of my empty pages, not by all of my full pages. But the truth is I was a writer because of the full pages. I was a writer because of all the good stuff that I did, right? I was creative because of all the poems, not because of all the empty pages.

Michelle Rose 5:34

That's actually a really powerful realization. So what did you decide to do next?

Jonathan Rose 5:40

Well, I started having this nagging idea, and I call it nagging idea because it almost sounded sacrilegious to me as a writer and as a journaler. The thought that came to me is that I should just cut up all of my journals and burn every empty page, which means I would have had to have destroyed all of my journals.

And I really resisted that idea.

Man did I resist that idea. But I I just knew that I had to do it. And so I did. I went into my workshop and I cut up every journal I cut the spine off had a whole stack of pages. So I cut up all of my journals, and I made two stacks, one stack of all the full pages and one stack of all the empty pages. And I went outside and I went out to my fire pit and I threw all the blank pages in and I just watched him burn and it was just really cathartic act of letting go of self criticism and shame and failure and embracing the creativity that I had actually written in all the full pages.

Michelle Rose 6:44

Wow, I'm not sure I would have been able to do that. It sounds really hard. How did it change your perspective on all that creativity?

Jonathan Rose 6:51

What's really surprising is that shift in mindset, and that willingness to forgive myself to let go of the failure to let go of all of the times that I didn't write, and to let go of the inner critic that actually launched me into one of the most creative seasons of my life. I went into the season of like instead of writing a poem every month, I was writing two or three poems a day, just in my journaling times.

Michelle Rose 7:17

Yeah, I actually remembered that season because I would come in and have a conversation with you. And I think I remembered one morning I said something about seeing one gray hair in your beard and I came back later and you had written a whole poem around a gray beard. Yeah.

Your story is a testament to the resilience of a creative spirit, I believe, and I'm sure our listeners will find it inspiring as they navigate their own struggles with self doubt.

Jonathan Rose 7:42

Yeah, that's my hope. Michelle, I want everyone listening to realize that there are no failures and creativity, just new opportunities to create and also to realize that that inner critic, he's a liar. He's probably not telling the real truth about you, and forgiving yourself for all the failures, perceived failures, or the things that you thought you didn't create, but should have just let yourself off the hook. Forgive yourself, move on and get back to creating.

Michelle Rose 8:12

Yeah, so Jonathan, before we wrap up the episode, can you break down those steps of shutting down that inner critic?

Jonathan Rose 8:18

So if I were to break it down, the first step in that process for me was to actually pause and to think about what I was thinking about myself. It's so easy to let that inner critic monologue just keep going without challenging it. Now, you need to pause and challenge that inner critic because when I did that, I realized the inner critic was actually lying about me because I had a whole stack of good pages. And the inner critic was trying to talk to me about a whole stack of empty pages. Well, guess what those empty pages didn't define my creativity. Which leads me to the next step. Define your creativity. Look at your creative history. Look at what you've made. Look at what you have done. Look at what you have accomplished. Not at what you haven't, not at what you failed at, but find some gold go dig in for some gold in your creative past and write it down.

And then show yourself some kindness. Let go of the past. Just forgive yourself. You know, in my story, I had to go outside and burn a whole stack of empty pages. Well, maybe it's something different for your story. Do whatever you need to do to let go of the past. Maybe you need to go and write that failure on a rock and go throw it into a river. Maybe you need to write the future you a letter, or maybe you need to write the past you will let her be creative but find out what you need to do to let go of the past and to forgive yourself and then move into celebrating your full pages. celebrating your creative endeavors celebrating your amazing expressions and celebrate all the good things that have come out of your creative journey. And then let that guide you into new opportunities to be creative. When you see blank pages instead of viewing them as failures. Look at them as spaces where your creativity can emerge.

Michelle Rose 10:18

Thank you, Jonathan for sharing your vulnerable story today. I know that the self critic is real, and a lot of people deal with that and so to be able to know that we're not alone. And to have your story just help us see that we have accomplished a lot of things and what we are doing is making an impact on this world.

So if this episode inspired you today, we just ask that you would share it with your friends for every share that you make it can double our impact and make the world a more beautiful place.

Thank you for joining us on the beauty hunters podcast. We hope this episode has inspired you.

Jonathan Rose 10:52

Before you go please hit that subscribe button. Share us with your friends. If you want to support the show. The best way is to leave us a review on iTunes. You can connect with us on socials. At the beauty hunters podcast. Until our next encounter, always remember that your creativity will make the world a more beautiful place.