Episode 101

The Biggest Problem in the Universe

In this episode, we talk about how Sean's problem changed someone's life, Maddox makes a big bet that's bigger than the entire solar system--or just slightly smaller than his ego. And I talk about personal freedoms for like 30 minutes on this very special libertarian holiday.

4/20 is like a Festivus of running your mouth for the world's most annoying, academically-enlightened know-it-alls: libertarians and drug addicts. I manage to combine both in my problem of the War on Drugs. The war on drugs has failed on all fronts. It has not lessened drug use, addiction, or abuse. It has increased ten-fold the number of Americans in for-profit prisons, and it has bent minorities and Mexico over and ducked them up the ass. The only thing the war on drugs has succeeded in doing is making mushrooms extremely difficult for me to find even though I promised these chicks I would get them some last weekend, so what am I supposed to do here?

Maddox brings in The Golem Effect because he really loves Lord of the Rings. Nerd! The Golem Effect is the phenomenon of lower expectations resulting in lower performance. In a way, Maddox is right. Samwise expected Golem to be a dick, and he was a dick. But in another way, Maddox is wrong because Golem was always a dick and had dicketry in his heart--even way back in the director's cut when Smeagol kills his Hobbit friend to get the Ring of Power in the first place. That's why the ring was able to corrupt him so completely and not Frodo, because he was a dick. Also, he talked like an asshole. Vote up Golem.

I bring in Ducking Autocorrect. Have you ever messaged your mom for sex or texted your girlfriend that you can't wait to get at her Holocaust after work? Have you ever used four "ha's" when you only meant to use three? You probably have if you use the half-broken technological piece of shot known as autocorrect. Autocorrect is like that one relationship you suspect you'd be better without, but it would take so much work to find out for sure. And by "that one" relationship I mean all relationships. Ducking relationships!

The episode ends with Maddox doubling down on his Dick vs. Dick in a real auditory bloodbath. The controversy probably won't be solved in this episode, but it raises the question, who is best suited to explain what I meant 8 years ago with my brazen and future-predicting 14-word Trump joke within the first 4 pages of my book? It's clearly not me. Possibly the only two men can interpret it are my editor, Jeremie Ruby-Strauss, or the man himself, Donald Trump.

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