Off-Planet transmission 010: halitosis_property_melodramas

The Gonarch's Lair and Off-Planet podcasts

010: halitosis_property_melodramas My suspicion of ongoing deception by our specimens was confirmed during today’s meeting: affecting accents and masking personalities are clear signs of espionage, what they stand to gain from spying on us I am yet to uncover. I shan’t expose their secret until I understand more about their individual skillsets. An Observer has never before succeeded in convincing an agent of Earth to defect, I am certain I will be the first. Subject B posed an interesting quandary: if you could taste only one flavour for the entirety of your existence, which would you choose? Inexplicably, this conversation spawned the concept for a comedy series starring an unlikely named lead with an oral hygiene issue. They speak with a mocking tone as though the show is parody, however, having spent many lightyears studying humanity’s definition of humour, I’m convinced this production would be an improvement on most of Earths sitcoms. The initial part of the session focussed on lost property, specifically items found on a public transport system in one of their worlds thriving metropolises. Both clients suppressed emotional reactions as they discussed their own misplaced belongings: desperate situations will often cause a human to reassess past behaviour and regret missed opportunities, it is clear to me that what they rue losing most is not material, rather the moments they’ve lost to time. The topic of soap operas united our duo in disgust, displaying particular repulsion for the style of acting employed by the stars. Scripted scenarios being at the forefront of their mind could be due to a developing awareness of the growing audience they entertain and educate with every passing session. Navigation Control have just informed me that an unexpected alteration to the pods trajectory has put it on a collision course with an uncharted toxic debris field, they forecast an 18% chance of both passengers surviving. I have therefore initiated the Deep Sleep protocol for an indefinite period. We must demonstrate extreme caution when we eventually revive them: due to the unprecedented levels of potential radiation exposure, my biggest concern isn’t who may make it through the gauntlet alive, but what. Signed, An Observer Intermission: Interior Applause - My Commode by Jack Lancaster