10 Things You Should Know about Grieving People Pt.5

The Gospel for Life

It is extremely hard for a grieving person to have to give a report on how they’re doing. But they do want you to invite them to talk about their grief and their loved one who died.
We tend to approach people who have been through a loss with the question, “How are you?” It is simple enough and it certainly demonstrates caring. But many grieving people feel at a loss to come up with an adequate answer to the question. “Not so good,” might sound pathetic. “Good,” just isn’t the truth. They sometimes feel as if the person asking will judge how they’re doing this grief thing if they’re honest about the ups and downs and waves of grief that sometimes overtake them. Much better is to ask an open-ended question such as, “What’s your grief like these days?” It acknowledges that it makes sense they would be sad and allows them to talk about it.

It means the world to a grieving person to hear from you on the anniversary of their loved one’s death—no matter how long it has been since that person died.
There is a day that comes around on the calendar every year for the person who has lost someone they love—the day of the accident, the day the machines were turned off, the day they got the dreaded phone call. As the day approaches on the calendar, there is a sense of dread—almost as if it is going to happen again and they can’t do anything about it. They’re trying to figure out what to do with the day to remember the person who died. Sometimes there’s no energy for that and so they’re simply trying to live through the day. For someone else to care enough to send a note, make a call, or ask them to lunch or dinner, or ask to accompany them to the grave is an incredible gift.
Nancy Guthrie teaches the Bible at her home church, Cornerstone Presbyterian Church in Franklin, Tennessee, as well as at conferences around the country and internationally, including her Biblical Theology Workshop for Women. She is the author of numerous books and the host of the Help Me Teach the Bible podcast with the Gospel Coalition. She and her husband founded Respite Retreats for couples who have faced the death of a child, and they are cohosts of the GriefShare video series.

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