Season 1, Episode 45: Carla’s Man Babies: Just Sticking Straws Anywhere

The Hate Napkin

Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, reaches deep into the anals of the THN Mailbag for a couple of classic hate epistles: Jeff from Dampfstain, Ohio, wonders if it’s okay to burn down the house of the man who’s been driving around the neighborhood with a giant Russian flag attached to his vehicle.

Carla’s advice: Jeff, arson bad. But…if a flaming bag of dog kaka-poo ended up mysteriously being spread all over this Putin-lover’s porch, well, them’s the breaks.

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali sounds off on the disrespect shown to teachers: “When I tell people I teach ESL, they look at me like I’ve opened up a meth lab. Parents, students, administration—they’re all awful. So my advice to any teacher is: Quit. There’s just no reason to do something when you’re not appreciated.”

Meanwhile, co-host Arik can’t stand Wordle. Hey, New York Times! “Felch” is a five-letter word! Show it some love! Pauly: “Are you saying playing Wordle is like poking a straw at the alphabet. Sticking a straw in there and just sucking out all the juicy letters. What’s not to like?”

Speaking of sucking, Carla can’t stand bosses who say they like self-starters, then question every self-start the F out of you. Bosses: stop micromanaging!

Also, disdain from Arik for QVC and HSN. Every time his elderly mother orders something off the boob tube, it shows up broken or the wrong size—or just plain “NO.” Thus, The Great Return begins. Find a box the size of a glacier to return the three Bumblebee-Pattern Whisky Barrels that do NOT look nice in the garden. Search the internet for three days for a return slip. Go stand in line at the post office for a century. Wait a millennia or two for your credit card to get reimbursed. By then, 18 more things have arrived to be returned.

THN PSA: Do not put duct tape on your package. I mean, unless you’re into kinky.