Season 1, Episode 48: DICK PICS, ENEMAS FOR LOVED ONES & FISTING HATE

The Hate Napkin

Hello, everybody! Hey, Steve! Pass me a Budweiser! Let’s spread some seventh inning stretch hate!

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali takes the hate baton and starts running. And he better run fast, because in his declaration of despising fat people wearing T-shirts, co-host Arik and special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, show off their XXXL couture and threaten to sit on him until he’s a hapless little f$ckcake.

THN PSA: READ BANNED BOOKS!

Next, co-host Arik hates having to give an enema to a loved one—not that he has ever had to, er, ASSuage a loved one’s pain. The THN Team plies him for more details, but Arik won’t budge. No, seriously, he can’t. He’s a fat man in a T-shirt. (We conclude this segment with an interview with Saudi Prince Inima Damama.)

Arik also can’t stand dick pics. It’s perfectly understandable that a random stranger doesn’t want an electronic eggplant sent to him or her sans invitation. But it’s just as problematic taking a photo of one’s own schlong and sending it across the ether to another human being, by request.

Arik: “I mean, ultimately, someone else might be able to tell it’s my genitalia.”

Pauly: “Dude, you’re not supposed to include your face in the photo!”

Arik: “Oh.”

WARNING TO YOUTUBE VIEWERS: Sigh. Arik proceeds to show a dick pic.

Carla saves the day with some basic everyday hate. She cannot stand retail labels that are impossibly stuck to products—especially when the label impairs the use of said product! For instance, if you’re a company that produces watering cans for plants and gardens, perhaps DO NOT place your large sticker over the GD spout!

Finally, why does every eligible bachelorette in this country have a New Age side gig? Why do you have to go outside in the middle of our date night movie and place water bottles within view of the full moon? And, no, I do not want to hear about my aura! But…would you like a dick pic?