Your boy has been hanging out in Struggle City! EP 85

The High Cost of Anonymity Podcast: Exploring the Cost of Keeping Your Life Experience to Yourself

I have to say, I’m in a place I’ve never been before. I’ve got nervous energy for days, a consistent knot in my gut and a bit of a cloud hanging over my head. I’ve never really identified with the words anxiety and depression but this is as up close and personal as I’ve ever been with them. Before anyone gets to worried while reading this, I am doing Ok. I am simply at a place in my life I’ve never been before. I’m sharing this with you because it’s important. It’s important for people to see and hear about struggle and not just the highlight reel I share on social media. I am extremely lucky however. I’ve got a set of tools I’ve been using for over 18 years. They come in the from of 12 steps, meetings, prayer and meditation, recovery literature and a huge network of support. When I connect with people in the rooms, on the phone and now through Zoom, there’s this magic that happens. I get to share where I am mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I also get to hear other people share... their tragedy, triumphs, struggle, encouragement and hope. The magic is in the hope... the hope that, no matter what someone is going through, things always get better. That being said, how the hell did I get stuck in struggle city? Well let me see... for the last 18 years I’ve been connecting with my recovery community, people that are on a common path in the form of 12 step meetings. I’ve been talking to men in Recovery, getting help and being helped. I’ve been of service, helping the group and new people get sober. I’ve been praying, meditating, reading recovery literature and journaling on a consistent basis. And I’ve been working in jobs that kept me out of the house and talking to people. Well my friends, something crazy happened... COVID-19. For the first couple of months it was no big deal. I worked from home, made a couple zoom 12 step meetings and all was good. However, slowly I started cutting things out of my routine. Prayer, meditation and journaling came to a crawl, then stopped all together. I started skipping meetings which turned into, no meetings. Also, because I want wasn’t on the road like I’ve been for years, I wasn’t making phone calls. Slowly, I painted myself into the corner of isolation. What’s interesting is I didn’t realize it. And I didn’t realize it because I know a lot about Recovery and personal development. I’ve been doing this for years, I’ve got it. The problem is, “knowing” isn’t enough. “Knowing” is not a solution. Solution is in the “Doing.” Think of how many people that know how to lose weight... and in the same breath, tell you, they can’t lose weight? I’ve been living on self-will, the I knows, and the I’ll start tomorrow recovery plan, lol. And I’m here to tell you, it has not been paying off! So here’s what I’ve done. I’ve committed to making 30 meetings in 30 days, I’ve been praying and meditating daily, I’ve been making phone calls, continue to meet with my therapist and today, I spent an hour in a float tank. Here’s what I’ve learned as of today, day six. I’ve been living in self-pity because I don’t want have to do the work anymore... you know, the work that requires me to look in the mirror. I feel like I’ve been doing all this for 18 years and shouldn’t have to do it anymore. Poor me! Also, I’ve come to realize that this is an important time in my life. Struggle is important. Wayne Dyer said in one of the videos I love, “what if we were to except the fact that, there is a time for struggle, there is a time for triumph and there is a time for failure? Wouldn’t life be so much easier!?” YES... I’d say, yes it would! ❤️