S01E04 The Not Giving Advice Episode

The Leader Learner Podcast

Check in Question:

• Do you believe criminals can be truly rehabilitated in prison?

Big Ideas:

• “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”
• Fear of people who are different than us
• The costs of the advice trap that leads to dysfunction in teams
• Advice is personal and the transfer of it doesn’t alway flourish in another context, or with another person
• Best practices shift based on context, and means that there is only one.
• We don’t live in a linear world, so there can’t be a best.
• Advice creates demotivated advice receivers and overwhelmed advice givers
• Advice creates a short term solace
• Advice is everywhere and we all seem to like giving it out
• Is sharing of information giving advice?
• Sometimes the expertise and advice is wrong for you
• The power of the scientific process (randomized trials)
• Selling your idea as “THE” idea
• Is the problem the assumption behind the advice and not the advice itself?
• The importance of drawing out the ideas of all people, and being attuned to why they aren’t sharing their ideas
• The person who talks the most often has the “power” in a situation.
• Are we willing to share our voice and have power dynamics shift as a result?
• How to hold power? Being worthy of power.
• Power with people versus power over others
• When we interact with people who want our advice and expect to receive it
• The people who want to be told what to do, and the people who love to tell others what to do
• What about the cultures where giving advice is a natural part of life because it is a passing along of knowledge?
• What’s the middle way?
• Is advice giving a way to exert power over others
• The intention behind the advice giving has many nuances
• The dynamics of the relationship matters when it comes to advice giving/receiving

References:

• The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier
• The Unforgivable (movie with Sandra Bullock)
• Adam Grant
• Elias Porter – 6 Listening Attitudes
• Chatter by Ethan Cross
• Quiet by Susan Cain
• The Power of Giving Away Power by Matthew Barzun
• The Karpman Drama Triangle
• The Wisdom of Coaching
  
  

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