216: Dr. Emma Svanberg - Why can't I be the parent I want to be?

The Long Distance Love Bombs Podcast

Dr. Emma Svanberg has worked with parents and families for over 20 years. She qualified as a Clinical Psychologist in 2009 and specializes in the perinatal period - the time around pregnancy, birth, and the early years of parenthood. She has a particular interest in attachment, trauma, and the intergenerational roots of our problems.

Emma founded The Psychology Co-operative in 2019 (then The Psychology Collective) and co-founded Make Birth Better CIC in 2018, working to reduce the impact of birth trauma on families.

Read her book, Parenting for Humans: How to Parent the Child You Have, As the Person You Are, here: ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3SQn1a3⁠

Check out her website: ⁠https://dremmasvanberg.com⁠

Follow her Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/mumologist⁠

Subscribe to her Substack: ⁠https://substack.com/@emmasvanberg⁠

Keywords: parenting, uncertainty, disruption, self-reflection, emotional connection, communication, collaboration, training, support, community, support, reassurance, village, community, parenting, memories, childhood, generational cycles

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: Parenting Disruptor

05:47 Disrupting Mainstream Narratives

12:25 Embracing Uncertainty in Parenting

16:15 The Need for Training and Support

20:33 Building a Community of Support

26:42 Honoring Individuality in Parenting

31:17 Seeking Support and Building a Community

35:15 Parenting as a Journey of Self-Discovery and Personal Growth

38:21 Allowing Children to Be Themselves

45:13 Bending the Cycle of Generational Patterns

49:19 Compassion for Ourselves and Our Parents

57:34 Introduction to Dr. Emma Spanberg and 'Parenting for Humans'

58:33 Building a Compassionate Collective in Parenting

Takeaways

• Parenting is a journey of uncertainty and constant change, and parents need to embrace this uncertainty and navigate it with grace and compassion.
• Mainstream parenting narratives often create narrow expectations and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. It is important to disrupt these narratives and find parenting approaches that align with individual values and circumstances.
• Open communication and collaboration between partners are crucial in parenting. It is important to have conversations about expectations, roles, and values before a baby's arrival to avoid conflicts and resentment.
• Western cultures lack adequate training and support for parents, leading to feelings of isolation and overwhelm. Building a community-based approach to parenting can provide the necessary support and guidance for new parents.
• Babies are highly sensitive to their caregivers' emotional states, and tuning into their needs and emotions can create a strong and nurturing parent-child bond. New parents need support and reassurance from a community or village-like network.
• Seeking support and validation from others is important to counteract the narrative that parents should cope independently.
• Breaking generational cycles is a process that involves bending the cycle rather than completely breaking it.

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