Don’t be a Hypocrite - AFBF/Dadcast

Timonspodcast

Aiming for Biblical Families (AFBF). This is week 2's teaching of an 8-week series taught by my dad. We will only release 7 of the 8 episodes.
Show notes below. The show Questions are below that.
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I have seen many Christians train their kids to act morally, but they fail to train
their kids to think morally. Unfortunately, children or grown-ups who only act morally, but do not think morally are in danger of becoming hypocrites. A hypocrite is someone who acts one way while their heart is somewhere else.

Around age 3 or so children can begin to grasp the moral reason why some thing is wrong or right. This is when you want to begin training the child to think of why something is good or bad. But don't get the process backward! I have often witnessed parents treating a toddler as if they were a peer. On the other hand, I have witnessed parents chiding a 15 or 16 year old as if he were a toddler. If you exalt a toddler to the position of an adult, you’ll create a monster. If by the age of 12 they don’t respect you, you may have already lost the battle (I will address this in a few weeks). But when you treat a teenager like a little toddler, you will only deepen the chasm between your eroding relationship.

Temperaments and personalities differ in each child, but biblical principles
remain the same. We must train to the standard of scripture, not to personality. Whether you’re shy or outgoing, emotional or stoic, the Bible is your standard. The fifth commandment: honor your father and mother is a commandment, not just a good idea to follow if you feel like it. Now I know some parents are difficult to honor. And I’m not going to get into the weeds on that subject here. I’m just pointing out that God’s word needs to be applied to everyone, at every age, with every temperament.

Consider the parable of the two sons Matthew 21:28-32. There are two different
personalities at play here; one is disrespectful, one is a hypocrite. The son who resisted his father's will ended up doing what was right. The other failed. We should strive to do better than either son.

Principle over Law

Younger children under 5 need to respond to parental authority. You can't reason with a toddler, he simply needs to obey. But as your child ages, you need to introduce something deeper than rules. The law is insufficient to produce moral character. Laws set boundaries against evil, they should protect a child from moral, emotional and physical harm. But rules won’t necessarily create in a child a love for God. I believe that there are underlying principles behind every biblical command or rule that relates the heart of God
for His people. You must learn how to train your children about the principle that lies behind the law. For example, a father tells his child it is bedtime. He must not get out of bed, he needs to get a full nights rest. What happens if there is a fire? Should the child lay in bed while the house burns down? What if he becomes sick? Should he lay in bed in his own vomit because he wasn’t supposed to get out of bed? No. The command, “stay in bed,” was meant for the welfare of the child's health. His well-being was the heart, the principle, behind the command. Laws have specific instructions, but they will not have
answers for every situation.

Principles, on the other hand, train you how to read the context of differing
situations. The principle from the above story is that a child needs rest for his own well being. He needs to go to bed when the parents have determined the proper time. But it’s also healthy to get out of bed if he is sick or needs to use the toilet. It is very healthy to leave his bed and get out of the house if it’s on fire. This is the difference between law and principle. Matthew 15:7-9 is a prime example. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees, because they were obeying the doctrines of men; but, in doing so, they were violating the word of God. Their own man-made rules nullified the principles of God. Principles that would have allow them to live in freedom and harmony.

Practical example:

You drive by the park and there is a sign that says, “$250 fine for littering.” This
is the law. Break it and you will pay the consequences. But what is the principle behind the law? Listen to Philippines 2:3-4

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more
significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests,
but also to the interests of others.

Throwing trash on the ground is selfish and lazy. You are ruining the visual beauty of the park because it's inconvenient for you to take your trash to the garbage can. And someone else is going to have to pick your trash up for you because you were not considering the preciousness of others. A violation of the scripture above. The person motivated by the law fears reprisal. The person motivated by the virtue of the biblical principle is considerate of others who want to enjoy the park as well as you. Operating out of principles is a sign of maturity. This is what we want for our children.

Questions
Are your children ready to receive the moral explanations for the instructions you give
them?

Do your instructions have moral reasoning behind them?

How can you train your children to not only behave honorably, but to have a heart for
doing what is good?

Discuss with your spouse, the difference between law and principle. How can you train
this into your children?

Laws can be good. What are some laws that you have in place to protect your children?

What are the principles behind your rules?

Are your rules too legalistic, or have you failed at having any rules at all?

Do your children need more boundaries, or more space to think about what they do?

Discuss with your spouse if the rules you place in your family are legal only, or are they getting at the heart of God’s word?