UE 148 - Parenting, Drugs, And Questionable Conversations with Alex

Uncensored English

Alex and I finish our conversation in this podcast. We discuss in depth parenting, drugs and other questionable topics. Transcript is coming shortly...

*** Transcript ***

Keiran: Hey everyone. How’s it going? It is Wednesday. Welcome back to the Uncensored English Podcast. And were gonna continue the podcast from Monday, we got Alex back on. How is it going Alex?

Alex: Not bad. Not bad, man.

Keiran: It’s been a long time since we spoke few days now.

Alex: Yeah. Winter keeps charging along, so I need to have this to…

Keiran: So, last time we were talking about our kids. And you ended up on a story about your daughter which gave you a few great hairs man. Let’s talk about, what are the parts of parenting that you enjoy? At the end of the day, when you are tired and you have no energy left, what brings a smile to your face?

Alex: There’s one thing kind of sentiment, I have to say, since me and my ex-wife broke up, we started explaining to the kids 50-50. It’s made me better dad, because you get a bridge, and it’s like, once they leave, you’re trying to have the time to kind of, recompose yourself and do what you got to do. So, when you do get them back, you take your attention is fully dedicated to them. And I found that my level of attention, my level of patience, is a lot higher than when it was before than me and my ex-wife were together. So that sounds like a really weird thing to say ‘because I’m almost like saying: “Guys, hurry up and get… That’s kind of a messed up sort of approach. I think that it basically talks the fact about I wasn’t happy in my relationship with my ex-wife. This was probably fueling all that, like the whole dynamics are out of the equation. Finally, just being divorced doesn’t necessarily mean you’re your parenting takes a hit, if anything I’m a better parent than I was before. Like I said, just be more patient with them.

Keiran: I think you need a break. I mean, sometimes I feel like I’m a single dad because my wife goes to school basically before my daughter gets up. She comes home after seven, and she does like her projects. And I feel like the one who’s burnt out and at the end of the day I can’t focus because I’ve got nothing in the tank. And I still have on my mind, “Oh shit I got to do this or that and my daughter says: “Daddy, daddy, stop looking at your computer.” And I was like “Fuck.” I feel like a piece of shit, you know. But at some point I have to do so some of my own stuff too. So that makes sense, man. Because you get a break. You got a two or three days for yourself every week and then when you’re with your kids again, you can be, like a fully conscious and aware with your kids.

Alex: Yeah, I used to complain a lot about all of the routine of, like the running around.

Keiran: You used to be like V now.

Alex: And now, I’ll just, “Where do you need to go, sweetheart?” We just go and it does not matter. What I found great about parenting is how, I don’t know, you re-evaluate yourself and you try to give your kids the best. Especially as a dad that has two daughters, you want to show them an example of what like a guy, who’s going to be later on in your life. You can’t be total douchebag and they’re going to look at that and think, “Okay, this is my model of what man is supposed to behave like.” And not think that that’s not going to have repercussions later on and they are going to try a find a boy to be with. It makes you kind of polish yourself and make sure your putting your best foot forward. Like a very easy example with that and like listen, you know it happens a lot. So, in the car, I was mad about early bird if it does earning sort of dickery on the road, like I’m telling them all if I’m caught I’m swearing, I’m flipping birds, you know I’m giving them dirty looks. And at some point, like I’m looking at my daughter at the rearview mirror after some guy cut me off, whatever you know. My daughter’s looking at me and I’m like, “Oh!”. It felt gross to have them looking at me and being like that. So, I was just like, “No. That’s not acceptable.” Show them that as a guy, you can keep your calm and not lose your minds and just negotiate the problems in a more constructive matter. I just like to lose my shit, because it’s just fun. I get to swear, I get to let out some of these anger. So it’s like, whatever. But it’s not a good example. So you try to polish yourself up like that. And you asked me before like, what do I like about parenting. It’s the surprises. These kids, they come up with stuff and start reasoning, trains of thoughts, expressions, capabilities. That you’re like, “Oh my god.” Like they impress you, like it shouldn’t because we all went through that. But I guess when you see your own kids do what you like. You know, I make my mistakes as a parent, I make my mistakes but one thing that I am not afraid of doing is when I know I’ve crossed that line. I have no problem of going to see my kids and apologize to them. .guys, guys daddy lost it back there, kind of flew off the handle, just want to apologize. Fucking sure enough Danicka my older one, she's getting a bit older, she getting a personality, she's the one who flipped out over I don't know, it doesn't even matter … And then she came up to me and apologized to me, like unsolicited. She just came on to me, she’s like, “I just want to apologize about for how I acted back.” That just blew my mind. I was like, “Wow!”. She was nine years old, just you know, I was impressed by that maturity.

Keiran: That’s awesome, man. You know, when I was single, like dating, everyone’s once in awhile, at some time you know, dating someone, like something happens, you got to call them out on their bad behavior. It’s more like you’re saying you know what, “I like you but what happened was bad and I can’t stay with you”, you kind of acknowledge that. A lot of people can’t. If your daughter can already do that, that’s awesome. It’s a quality person that you are raising.

Alex: Yeah. And then the other one's a little gangster, the other ones completely the opposite, the other one she like fuckin, sometimes I wanna smack her head around her shoulders … like She’ll do something wrong. … Her name's Chloe, I'll be like "Chloe!" You know I'll get made at her … And she’s going to stand there and she’s going to look at me and eyes are going to lock and were totally gonna do the staredown showdown. And we’re just like looking at each other and I’m trying to pose my will as a parent. And she’s just standing there, and she’s just looking at me, at my eyes, and she’ll start like a little dance with her butt. And she start wiggling her butt. And she’s kind of like move from left to right and kinda’ have this quirky smile and I can feel the laughter just rolling up inside of me. And I’m just like don't don't don't. Pffffffffffffft. Pffffffffffffft. Like you literally, like that laughter just breaking through. And I turn away, I turn away and like, “Fuck! She won again.” And I’m like, “I’m screwed I'm screwed”. With the second one, I’m totally screwed. She’s got like my numbers. She’s got like my kryptonite. She knows how to beat me. And she beats me with humour. And I’m like, “This one’s gonna be a hard one.” She’s gonna be a lot harder. Like she’s totally, like the one, I got a one that set too much level of expectation. But she’s the one that gonna have to be like, you know, turns up like drugs and boys. “Listen Chloe, just be careful, if you’re ever in trouble, here’s daddy’s number, just call me. I think that one’s a strategy, because I think this one’s got a wilder side to herself. While her sister’s much more, her sister's much more I dunno, studious for lack of a better word.…

Keiran: So did you, when you guys made your first kid, did you guys plan to have your kid, or was it a surprise?

Alex: Hahahaha that was, that was the beginning of the end my friend.

No actually that's bullshit, it wasn't the first kid, it was the second kid. The first kid was planned but the funny thing is like, we’re like together for 3 years I guess. Were like I wanna have a kid, and she said me too. And she was on the pill.

Keiran: How old are you when this happened?

Alex: Thirty.

Keiran: You had your first kid when you were thirty? So that’s when you decided to end your life?

Alex: Yeah, exactly.

Keiran: Hahahah

Alex: You know what, going back to when we talked about it. I did it all, so we were like let's see what else is out there.

Keiran: You wanted to try out the no sex life.

Alex: Ah shit fuck. Listen, it’s like this. It wasn’t the first kid, it was the second. Because the first kid, we didn’t actually tried. She stopped taking a pill, and boom she got pregnant right away. And when she got pregnant, the pregnancy was fine, everything went fine and I want to side note. And on a side note pregnant chicks are horny as fuck. It took me by surprise how much sex I had while my ex-wife is pregnant. And the closer we got to the D-day, the filthier it got and it was just it was insane.

Keiran: When I get your ex-wife’s contact, so I can send her this podcast.

Alex: If I could graph out, all the sex I had in my life, the peak on was when she was pregnant with Danica. It was nuts. Whatever prego-lovers out there, we could’ve filled up all of their hard drives with enough material to last for a long time. So that was that, and like obviously, the kids born. Your before everything falls back into place. You start having sex again, and okay cool, no problem. The game changer was the second kid. Because the first kid getting preggy was so easy, we kind of expected that it’s going to be the same thing with the second kid. Well, it turns out, it wasn’t. Like it was actually a lot harder. So, we were having sex and we were just doing our thing and it wasn't happening. Two months later, three months later, half a year later, nothing is happening. This started changing things because it was so easy the first time why isn’t it working the second time. And I’m gonna say this right now, like I have no problem. Everybody can hate me for saying this. That when a woman has it in her mind, that she wants to get pregnant, and it’s not happening, then there’s this animalistic thing that takes over. It all just becomes this all-consuming thing, like Must getting pregnant. And it just starts filling up every aspect of their psyche. So next thing you know, we got the calendar out. We got days that are crossed out like that with the ovulation and were buying ovulation test for ten bucks of pop and I’m coming home from work and it’s like the end. It just totally changed the dynamic of sex between us. Instead of being for fun, like I would just come home and she would just slap me on the ass like it was some sort of horse. Like get up there (neighing), go up the stairs. Go do your job and I was like jeez. And all of a sudden the roles were reversed, I was like the woman roles, like, “Can you ask me how my day was?”, “Can you kiss me on the neck?”, “Can we get a little bit of foreplay?”.

Keiran: You should do comedy about that that's fucking hilarious.

Alex: Get up there skippy do your job.

Keiran: It’s almost like it became like work and…

Alex: Yeah. And I have to say it was the beginning of the end, because it changed something. It changed something between us.

Keiran: Yeah. It made you like into a means to get her pregnant, like you were not a human anymore. It’s kinda like rape in a way. You come home from work and like, “Now!”. Well I didn’t really, “Get up there! Stop Bitchin!”

Alex: I won't put all the onus on her, I did my fare share of things to fuck up the relationship to. But I noticed how the sex had changed. And then once, Chloe was born, then nothing. I mean fucking nothing. And I think 4 years went by and I could count on one hand like how many times we had sex after the second kid was born. And the amount of jerking off, it was insane, like if she were to go into my basement at the end of the relationship, and put that like a special victim’s unit light you know in my basement, you would go blind. My kids were playing on that sofa, “Guys, get over there.”

Keiran: That’s daddy’s sofa. That’s not a play zone.

Alex: Don’t get your face on that sofa. What do you expect, 4 years, I had zero sex and then up to that. The end didn’t come too long after that you know.

Keiran: Yeah, I know. I feel what you are saying man. I mean it’s a, I mean I’ve been in a relationships like that in the past. Where somebody just dies, right? You can’t fake it when it’s dead.

Alex: You start arguing about everything but ended nothing.

Keiran: This is stupid as shit.

Alex: Yeah. We got a fucking tough argument about hotdog buns. And that’s when I knew like listen, this isn’t working. You got to find someone new. She sent me to the store to get hotdog buns and we had all but two people over dinner and we had a whole bunch of food packed up. We had six hotdogs left from whatever, that were just gonna give it to the kids. Like there were just six hotdogs. And she said, “Go to the store and get hotdog buns.” And I’m like, “Sir, yes sir.” And the kind of guy that I am, this where a little bit that I’m crazy, where I don’t want to buy a pack of twelve hotdog buns for my six hotdogs. Because what’s gonna after, I’m gonna have six left-over hotdog buns. So you just stuck with the same problem in reverse. So I go to the grocery store and I’m looking for six hotdog buns. So I’m going to the bread section, I’m looking over the packages, 12, 12, 12. I turn over to the bakery section, and I look and they have these like fancy hotdog buns. Six, six in the bag. I’m like’ “These are my hotdog buns”. And I don’t give a shit. 3 dollars for 6 hotdog buns instead of 129 for 12? I don’t give a fuck. I’m greatfully employed. I can afford that. I buy my six hotdog buns. I come home, I’m happy, I’m proud of myself I found the solution to the problem. I slam the fucking hotdogs in the couch, and ah, “Here you go. Here’s your hotdog buns.” My ex-wife was so brought up and says, “What is this?”. And I say “It’s your hotdog buns.” “Yeah, but it’s like for fancy sausages. We’re going to put the hotdogs on those buns and the first and last bite of the hotdogs just like any other sausage.” And I was like, “Yeah baby”. If you think I care enough for my guest kids, that I’m measuring their sausage to bread ratio when they’re taking their bites on the hotdogs. You’re mistaken. I don’t give a shit that much.

Keiran: Yeah, really is a non-issue, right? But anyways, let’s just summarize this, I mean this podcast me and a little bit about parenting. If you had to decide, you know, to do it again, to have your freedom or to, you know, be a dad, and everything that comes with it, what do you think you would do?

Alex: I’d be out of here. No, joking. Take it easy, bro. Take it easy. I have often thought about that question and the answer is no, I wouldn’t trade it. I’m fortunate enough to have healthy kids. I think that when you have sick kids, or kids with problem there’s a whole layer of difficulty. I can’t even imagine what that is, you know. I’ve been to a children’s hospital once, seeing sick kids, that really just you know, puts everything into perspective and how I’m fortunate enough to not have that. If I just look into my current situation, the kids that I have right now, of course I’d do it again. Absolutely, I’ve got great kids, and we’re talking like before, I feel like they help me. I’m not just as selfish, like you know, resource consuming person anymore. Like there’s another side of me now, it kinda looks for somebody else’s wellbeing.

Keiran: The other thing is like, a single person, all you care about is yourself. But as parent, you start to think like man, these things that I am buying, these foods I eat, do I want my kids to eat that? And there’s a lot of decision, like, man, I don’t know if I want to get his anymore, because I don’t want my kids to start eating this crap.

Alex: Yeah, we’ve done some kind of like volunteering with my kids, like I would never have gone volunteering as a single person, why would you ever fucking do that?

Keiran: I don’t know, I’ve never done that.

Alex: You know, I wanted to teach to my kids, like you know, we’re very lucky. You have an opportunity to get back and I think even about giving back, just to have empathy. Some people are harder up than you are. I would never have done that as a single person. I don’t have kids. What do teach these fuckers? That’s one of the things I wanted to teach them is empathy. Empathy for other people. You see the wheels turning on their heads, like what does that mean? Why is this person on the street? Why are they asking for money? I never hide anything to my kids.

Keiran: That’s awesome, man. That’s great that you do that. That’s one thing that I do that, I think a lot of parents dodge that subject. One question actually my daughter ask is, “Are you gonna die?” and yeah, everyone dies. And I think some people like no, don’t fucking lie to your kids, when a kid ask you a question, then they’re ready for the answer.

Alex: That’s a good work. Pretty good. Like another example is one of my good friend is gay, and he is the godfather of the second one, and they’ve asked me, like you know, how come, where is his girlfriend. That was probably the none shalom statement, like they just kind of took it and explained to them that in the world, there’s men who like men and women will like women and my kids just go over there and Okay, can I have a banana.

Keiran: Because they haven’t been programmed to be idiots.

Alex: Yeah, exactly. I don’t understand the society, that someone has a problem with that some people are in love that happens to be in the same sex. And they sleep over it. I find the tough one, this is the tough one. I’m debating on how, what is the best way to approach. When the question of drugs comes up, like what am I going to say to my kids, because …

Keiran: I don’t have a problem with that one man. I think you just have to be honest. Like well you know, some drugs are not very dangerous and some are. You know, educate yourself and do them with people you trust. I can’t tell my daughter to not do something that I have done.

Alex: Exactly. I can’t be that hypocrite you know.

Keiran: They just have to know that it is dangerous. If it gets out of control. I don’t know about you man, but was kinda late. Like I started smoking marijuana, 21 and did some other things along the road, it’s some various drugs, you know. I think I was just always aware of that, it’s fun, but if you get into deep, you’re gonna get into trouble.

Alex: I’ve done pretty much every drug except OPM, crack, heroine and that’s about it.

Keiran: Well, those are the one’s like the dead end, like there’s no positive thing at the end.

Alex: The two women in my life, they just have two different approaches with drug, that to me was just the raw approach. When we were young and coming up like 80’s and with the Nancy Reagan, don’t you say no. this is your brain on drug and my mom just had like the talk. If you start doing drugs, you would end up on the street, prostituting yourself and robbing people to pay for your drugs.

Keiran: because you’re mom never did drugs, man.

Alex: Exactly, And that didn’t happened to no one that I know. No one that I know ended up prostituting and robbing people to pay for their drugs. And it didn’t take me long getting to my drug use , like 18 years old.

Keiran: this is the thing that’s important, that I think every person needs to know. Is that when you lie to your kids, sooner or later they will find out, and they will lose respect for you. And this is why I’ll never lie to daughter, you know. Like if she asks me, about marijuana or mushroom, or whatever, I will just gonna tell the truth that it’s not that bad, just don’t become an idiot with it you know.

Alex: You know what’s funny, you know Daniel Carin? I am watching, the TV is just on and Daniel was, what’s his name, the guy from Ray Romano, the tall guy. What’s his name? The tall guy who is in Ray Romano, so he’s on TV right now. When he was a kid, he was asked to taking questions from the audiences.

Keiran: Alright. I saw him on Facebook.

Alex: I think the thing you have to tell kids, the way that I see it, if it touches about drugs is that, doing drugs is like opening Pandora’s box. It’s not necessarily bad, but if you decide to open up that box, you don’t know what’s going to come out, and you don’t know if you’re gonna be able to close it once you open it. And that applies to cigarettes, that applies to all of that stuff. If you are going to make a decision, do it. Just know, it might not go the way that you want, and you might not be able to dial it back. Just have them at the back of your mind when you’re gonna do it.

Keiran: I think that drugs is kind of like religion. I’m not religious, I’m agnostic, but to me, people who are religious, are looking for the same thing as people who do drugs. It’s like they’re looking for some kind of answer. And when you’re doing drugs, you just, you’re in a different state of mind. You are more aware. Usually, if it’s a good experience, you’re more happy, you’re more in the moment. And that’s why I think it’s not the answer because it always just temporary. If people can have just a moment of you know, serenity or like peace or happiness, that gives them kind of like, a map to get back there in the future. And hopefully they don’t get stuck on it. Because you’re never going to be happy if you’re continuously doing it. This is the kind of moment like, “Oh my god. This is all it is.” You just feel in the moment, it’s just fucking awesome.

Alex: I think that the main attraction though, there's a sense of euphoria, but I think that when it comes to doing drugs, is not the cause but the consequence and the consequence of it is, is that it gives you a different perspective on the life that you live day to day. And you see things a certain way, and we take reality a face value for what it is. And then when you do, drugs and you say wait a second, it’s not necessarily that way. It’s kind of looking something from a different angle if you just change your perspective on something. The same of like the social construct, like my mom is talking about. Like you know, if you do drugs, you’re gonna end up living on the streets, robbing people to pay drugs. Then when you do drugs, you’re like, “What is she talking about?” That doesn’t make sense at all.

Keiran: That’s like 5 percent of the people who likes, falls with the cracks, and ended up living.

Alex: It does happen. Let’s not say that it doesn’t happen. There’s other thing that heals that.

Keiran: People who probably don’t have hope anyway.

Alex: You had a shitty family. Life: no friends, no social circle. Kind to have checks and balances. Of course. It’s not typically just that.