Best Ishmael Podcasts (2024)

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Ep. 28: The New Normal 1:03:31

3y ago1:03:31

1:03:31

If there is one thing you can count on us for, it is normalcy. Consistency. Reliability. Episodes release at the same time, every third [redacted]. Topics that are grounded in the here and now. Now (and here), we break down what "normalcy" really means and why it's such a precious societal standard that we must preserve at all costs. Historically, …

1
Ep. 27: A Very Visual Episode 1:10:43

4y ago1:10:43

1:10:43

Put on your 3D glasses now. Remember when movies were silent for a long time and then The Jazz Singer came out and people lost their minds? This is kind of like that without blackface. When I was researching this joke, I read through the Wikipedia entry on The Jazz Singer and there are, no lie, six full paragraphs dedicated to a discussion around w…

1
Ep. 26: It Doesn't Belong in a Museum 1:14:06

4+ y ago1:14:06

1:14:06

When you listen to this episode, you'll have the unique opportunity to hear the first joke ever recorded (from some Sumerians), followed immediately by some of the best jokes ever recorded (from us and Josh Betts). Tune in next week for the last joke you'll ever hear.

1
Ep. 25: In Search of a Perfect 10 1:02:18

4+ y ago1:02:18

1:02:18

Look us in the eye and tell us that you haven't assigned personality types to each of your pets and plants by now. But you probably got it wrong because you didn't have Hannah Duncan in your home, teasing out the nuances of how your monstera deliciosa reacts to stress, or the key motivations of your calico. We've all been stuck inside for a while, …

1
Ep. 24: Pepsisode 1 1:11:25

4+ y ago1:11:25

1:11:25

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Ep. 23: We're Not So Different, You and I 1:03:34

5y ago1:03:34

1:03:34

Anyone who knows us IRL will tell you that the only way to tell us apart is to look at our feet. Tony wears sandals because his feet are cute, but Austin wears close-toed shoes because his left big toe got slammed in a door in 7th grade, and the nail keeps falling off. We can't imagine how difficult it must be for you listeners to tell the differen…

1
Ep. 22: Oh What Beautiful! 55:03

5+ y ago55:03

55:03

In their song "The Beautiful People," Marilyn Manson sing the words "the beautiful people/the beautiful people (aah)." 23 years later, we're picking up the baton and running it into the endzone. Here you'll find stories of timeless romance which suggest that beauty isn't just skin deep, followed by a long discussion of some smoking hot celebs that …

1
Growing in the Lord 1:03:22

5+ y ago1:03:22

1:03:22

Growing in the Lord

1
Blessed are the merciful 41:53

6y ago41:53

41:53

Blessed are the merciful

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Stand firm in the Lord 39:13

6y ago39:13

39:13

Stand firm in the Lord

1
Be a good shepherd or leader 46:58

6y ago46:58

46:58

Be a good shepherd or leader

1
Beware of your pastors 46:07

6y ago46:07

46:07

Beware of your pastors

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Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness 45:08

6y ago45:08

45:08

Know about the ways of God

1
Ep. 21: Squirrels Like Cars and Money (Clap-Clap) 1:05:03

6y ago1:05:03

1:05:03

Like Simon and Garfunkel, we have settled our creative differences and height differentials in favor of a long and fruitful partnership. Unlike Simon and Garfunkel, we have recorded a hot track about squirrels. Think of this episode as our "Bridge over Troubled Water," only instead of bridges we have sprawling nuclear facilities, and instead of tro…

1
Speaking in Stone 1:32

6y ago1:32

1:32

Speaking the Podcast into existence

1
Ep. 20: Panda Jokes and Superweeds 1:00:45

6+ y ago1:00:45

1:00:45

We're about to flax on y'all. We've joined the Amish Mafia with the help of our friend Beau, and this episode finds us raising cain, barns, hell, and crops. Did I miss anything? Learn how to swear in Catalan, find out if your Black-eyed Susans are actually weeds, get your tingle on with some ASMR tortilla-chip play, and acquire some very good Harry…

1
Ep 19: A Podcast for Children 50:55

6+ y ago50:55

50:55

This one is for the kids.* *not actually for kids

1
Ep. 18: Smoking on Air with Boys 1:06:11

7y ago1:06:11

1:06:11

"I'm just secondhand smoke." - Vapewood Mac Let's clear the air; we've been gone a while. Holidays, finals, resolutions. But the holidays are over and we failed the other two things. We've had time to dwell on what is and isn't appropriate to show in a Disney movie. We've brainstormed new and exciting cigarette mascots. And we've wrapped it all up …

1
Ep 17: Oh, My Money? How High Can You Count? 56:43

7y ago56:43

56:43

Who wants to be a Galleon-aire? Turns out, all you need is six dollars. We take a deep dive into Scrooge McDuck's weird vault, write a freaky "Tale of Two Cities/LOTR" slash-fic (guess what it's called?), and envision a beautiful utopia where the only inhabitants are us, Ron and Rand Paul, and a fiat currency of love. Tony's economics chops are on …

1
The Best Selling, Great American Novel Pt. II 45:56

7y ago45:56

45:56

In a continuation of last week's episode, we enter the world of prestige serialized podcasts. Austin contributes some original music. Tony contributes a writing lesson that makes Stephen King's "On Writing" look like a freshman persuasive essay. Apologies to Kevin James, who we both think is handsome and talented. And I'll go ahead and apologize to…

1
The Best Selling, Great American Novel 41:14

7y ago41:14

41:14

You've probably noticed that, despite our name, our references to Melville and other literary giants have been limited to one-offs and name-drops. Sure, we've talked about Moby the songster. And we've talked your ears off about Dicks. But together? Instead of turning this into a classic literature fancast, we have decided to write our own novel. Ex…

1
Ep 14: Common Year A.D. 1290 46:59

7+ y ago46:59

46:59

"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean." - Lee Ann Womack As we eclipse 1000 downloads, we look back through the years on the things that have made this podcast great. We also look forward to its inevitable heat death. But until then, we will burn as brightly as a roman candle held in the sweaty grip of a kid who is definitely…

1
Ep 13: That's Gonna Be a YES for me, Dawg. 53:03

7+ y ago53:03

53:03

Dogs! I'm sitting next to a dog as I post this. Did you know that know that, no matter where you are on Earth, you're never more than two continents away from a beautiful dog? We're joined by dog-walker Becca Velez, who also does other things. Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg (RIP), and Lassie all make appearances. Side note: we're currently crowdfunding a cr…

1
Ep 12: Nightboys 57:17

7+ y ago57:17

57:17

What do Samantha Bee, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, and Here's My Number So Call Me Ishmael have in common? All of us have worked with Mr. Christian Becker. Live from New York, it's our podcast! Why was Zayn Malik eating spaghetti in the "Night Changes" video? This is our Rosebud, if Rosebud was only relevant to the first ten-minute segment of Citi…

1
Ep. 11: Rounds of Trivia in the Round 55:05

7+ y ago55:05

55:05

Galileo. Rani of Jhansi. The Theatre. Amelia Earhart. One of these things is not dead. Can you guess? We're here with Josh Boerman, who has a finger in almost every aspect of the New York City theatre scene, including scenes of plays. Thespis, Lesbos, and the Egyptian God of War (the card game) are here to make theatre deeply erotic again, so leave…

1
Ep 10: A Decade of Food 1:06:54

7+ y ago1:06:54

1:06:54

Hope you're hungry. Tony, Austin, and another white male named Michael (a less homogenous cast is coming, I promise) are here to sling hash, hash out trivia questions, and question things about life. What exactly are Scooby Snacks? If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, what the hell is a "peck"? How were the peps already pickled? The Foo…

1
Ep 9: In the Brig 1:01:46

7+ y ago1:01:46

1:01:46

Yo ho ho and a bottle of puns. Pirates! This episode will sound especially good if you torrented it. Ryan Van Wingerden (let’s call him “Ryan Boat WingARRRden”) joins us as we talk about all manner of murderers, mutineers, and malcontents. A joke in harbor is safe, but that’s not what jokes were meant for. These jokes are not safe. These jokes are …

1
Ep. 8: Thyme is on My Side 49:47

7+ y ago49:47

49:47

Join us as we reveal the 2016 word-of-the-year! It's "cuckold." Tony, Austin, and Lucas try to start a barbershop quartet but are thwarted by the inner machinations of Skype. The Book of Revelation would have been much better if it had been written by the Apostle Hall (of Hall and Oates). Spoiler: Tony ruins the end of Weeds. Even though this episo…

1
Ep 7: Water We Talking About? 57:43

7+ y ago57:43

57:43

From a dark hole deep beneath Boston comes Bart Tocci and his many personalities (including an Australian citizen trying to learn Italian and a Great Lakes shipwreck historian). Bart wanted this to be better than Lauren’s episode, but comedy is subjective so we’ll see. Tony’s motivations for creating the podcast become clear (it’s for puns). Our fi…

1
Ep 6: A New Chapter 1:02:06

7+ y ago1:02:06

1:02:06

Whooo's that laaady (Who's that lady)? It's our first guest, active listener Lauren Boersma! And her quiver is full of arrows, tipped with a bittersweet poison; an absurd amount of knowledge about Disney sequels. Come to think of it, we should have consulted her about our Bambi prequel. She also does other things, like read, teach, and volunteer! S…

1
Ep. 5: Cancel(l)ed 57:19

7+ y ago57:19

57:19

"Dinner is cancelled due to lack of hustle. Deal with it." Just kidding; we out here and we talking about buds that have been nipped before their time. That isn't a "Turn On" joke, but it might as well be. Der Führer makes an appearance this week, and also we talk about Hitler on the podcast. Wink, wink. Tune in as we alienate our one British liste…

1
Ep. 4: Lil' Drummer Boiz 50:22

7+ y ago50:22

50:22

We finally give "pace" a chance in this episode about cadence and those brave boys who keep it. Goku and Thom Yorke come up in conversation, and we get an important reminder from our chief inspiration and American buried treasure, Harper Lee. Austin doesn't remember the Snake Way saga of Dragon Ball Z very well. Tony cautions you about the mild tee…

1
Ep. 3: The King's Game 45:58

7+ y ago45:58

45:58

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, and so we turn to the game of chess as the ultimate arbiter of disputes and generator of mirth. In this rather esoteric episode, Ingmar Bergman is discussed, we debate the pronunciation of Frederick Nietzsche, and Tony tells Austin how bad at chess Austin is, according to the official chess player ran…

1
Ep. 2: More Than Meets the Eye 47:41

7+ y ago47:41

47:41

True to our word from last week, this episode takes a dip into the silky molten metal fondue that is the Transformers franchise, but not before a long conversation about Wishbone, a short conversation about Kelly Clarkson, an exposè on Neil Young's M&M obsession, and the long-awaited reveal of Tony's debit card information. No guest stars yet. Soon…

1
Ep. 1: Dead On Arrival 48:56

7+ y ago48:56

48:56

Our first episode! Has nothing to do with the film "Arrival" but thank you for asking. Alan Rickman (rest in peace), Ayn Rand (...), and Bruce Bogtrotter (hero) come up in conversation. No guest stars yet.

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