Beloved friends of the show, musical theater influencers (redacted) and (redacted), join us for 8 minutes of almost-conversation before getting triggered and leaving. Then join us for a chill 45 of wtf just happened! Are they THE WORST?? Are WE the worst? So far it’s 2-2 us-them WORST. Make sure you @ us and break the tie!!…

Is America’s batshit aunt Roseanne fucked forever after that dumb racist tweet? Is cancelling a human being a great idea or really fucking evil? Can Roseanne ever rebrand? Did we not see this coming from her ICONIC national anthem debacle? Do you cancel your family when they say dumb racist shit? And last but not least, is the real problem the canc…

Wtf happened on last week’s Race Wars?? Is Milo an ANYHOLE™ or a NEVERHOLE™? Was he right about reparations? Is Trump gonna be a reparations president to spite literally everyone? Does it even matter if we don’t fix our prisons? Daddy Doug, Brandon Collins and Jabari Brisport help us solve race and Milo but we do most of the work!!!…

Tommy is surrounded by JEWS (Dani Zoldan, owner of Stand Up NY and Raanan Hershberg, comic) and throws everyone into an Israel hole, blames them, and screams until they change the subject. Dani launched an online comedy class, and teaches us that a tight 5 means a short set and not your fisting hand. Is comedy is an apocalypse career? Is Trump is a…

ANYHOLE™ Michelle Wolf turned bombing in front of our nation’s most annoying audience into the best part of her set and for that we offer up all of our holes. Also! Daddy Doug makes the case for not throwing people in the garbage, a Tiffany Maples Trump is a sex act, and lastly, the way a Jew screws Tommy is NOT the same as how Tommy screws a Jew!…

Are our minds as closed as our buttholes? Are we all a bunch of default no’s? Will we ever get the Puritan stick out our asses? How come Kanye’s cancelled but Mel Gibson isn’t? How do we shame people the right amount when online shame shames on forever?By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Friend emeritus of the show Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez gives us #arsongoals!! Plus, is #Beyoncé Queen Bey, or is she a capitalist (we refuse to say the C word about Queen Bey)By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Time Out NY’s David Goldberg once ranked us 11th out of 13 best pods, but that’s because he misspelled 1! Can the New York market only sustain so many gays, queers and bitches? How many yaaaaassssses were torn from the lips of Ru Paul? Are true New Yorkers amphibians (hybrid switchy toppy bottoms)? There’s only one way to find out!!! Tell us what y…

What silent billionaire money created the Parkland Spice Kids? And how are we co-creating them?? Listener and stable genius social policy researcher Doug brings it back to the real gun epidemic and how to make it change. @ us @unhireableshow!!By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

School shootings are creating uncomfortable kid celebrities: agree or secretly agree?? Pls @ us. Research suggests that New Yorkers are lil Machiavelli sociopath narcissist cunts, but in a good way! It's science. PLUS Tommy is clearly a racist, and yet everyone agrees that Keren is a racist.By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Heterosexual Eli Sairs is the champ! Tommy and Champ grew up under football supremacy, which is a kind of violence. Something’s different about Keren, but what??? Everyone agrees that Oscars are gay football, and no one disagrees that fag don’t sagBy Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Pantsless friend of the show Chrissie Mayr’s best abortion years are behind her! Some things are just meant to (Plan) B. Public fisting inspired Chrissie to do comedy, and alleged power bot-Tom Brady inspires everyone to get to fucking!By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Dear friend of the show Chandler had her FIRST abortion last week, accompanied by Keren. Keren is a hero and brave! SPOILER: everyone agrees that life starts at conception, and that abortion is murderBy Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Listener Michael Zakaim joins us at Tommy’s home for a beautiful ep and now Tommy has to move. Tommy TIME’S UPs Top Chef season 1 winner Harold Dieterle and his former business partner Alicia Nosenzo, proud failed restaurant owners, for fucking their employees out of money but continuing to enjoy a life of luxury and retweets from Andy Cohen. All 3…

Amini is a FULL HALF TONGAN OLYMPIC ATHLETE y’all!!! DID YOU KNOW that Olympians are stressed out nerds who are NOT fucking??? In other news, Rose McGowan is both a mess and a friend of the show, and The Hillary is irl Tracy Flick. 🇺🇸By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

It’s all sperm jokes and contact high until Tommy kicks off a race war by screaming Trump at people. Are white people full of shit and excuses? Are black people too triggered? Are you TEAM WHITE or TEAM BLACK? Jk lol!! We’re all on one team, and that’s team LET’S FUCK.By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

We watch the ICONIC State of the Union on mute, which is the only correct way to watch it. Pockets has had a #metoo life of crack and murder and currently manages a halfway house, which is a terrifying house full of felons. Keren and Pockets get into their roast battle; everyone makes a heartfelt wish to god. Amen.…

Michael is an anarchist, which means he doesn’t believe in telling people what an anarchist is. Tommy bravely explains why his working legs refused to carry him into Night for Freedom while he and Michael have a dick-measuring contest (Keren won)By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Remember the cruel, unwinnable 90s?? Remember when all clothes had 4 corners? Remember when Tori Spelling was so hot it upset people? Us neither!!!! We’re sooooo young!!!!!By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Oprah wins Queen Bitch and Hillary is defeated!! Meanwhile, everyone’s getting #metoo’d by #metoo, Tommy has crabs, and we rank the ME TOO SUPERSTARS of the Golden Globes. Who is YOUR #metoo breakout star of 2018? Tell us @unhireableshow!!!By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Trump’s FAKE NEWS AWARDS are making everyone’s year and it’s only January 2!!!! We nominate us, and the lying failing media who fails!! It’s an honor. Chen doesn’t believe in not having herpes, and Scopo fucked a dead fish for a full year before deciding he prefers live fish. What kind of fish do you like to fuck?? Let us know @unhireableshow !…

HAPPY NEW YEAR, CUNTS!!! Come kick it and blaze a fatty with us while we retrospazz over a year of FIRE ASS CONTENT and help our beloved producer Shelby transition from deep sea creature to amphibious land dweller in the new year. THANK YOU for a cunty, sexually abusive year, fam!!! Wishing you all a #metoo, #imwithher, #neverchelsea 2018!!!…

Andrew Indian gave a double-ended dildo to his friend’s mom and accidentally #metoo ‘d someone with it (it’s not or is what you think); Tommy’s cousin gave his aunt a wrapped dildo for her birthday; and our sweet Andrew legit started puberty 3 months ago!!! Mazal tov Andrew!!! Merry Christmas and a dope ass Hannukah!!!…

Marry/fuck/kill: Roy Moore, Roy Moore’s wife, and Roy Moore’s Jew lawyer; #metoo is ASLEEP on the Afflecks; Anderson Cooper is a cunt; Keren discovers that the B in plan B stands for BortionBy Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley

Tommy describes his #metoo and says everybody fucking relax; vape™ (vague rape) is when you don’t say rape but everyone knows what you mean; who (living) would you take down with a #metoo if you got #metoo’d? Asking for a friend. ;)By Keren Margolis & Tommy O'Malley