Best Parenting After Trauma Podcasts (2024)

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Ep. 199: Scaffolding Relational Skills as Brain Skills with Eileen Devine 1:06:31

2d ago1:06:31

1:06:31

The brain is the brain is the brain. All behaviors have their origin in the brain. But for some behaviors, it is easy to lose sight of this important truth. Behaviors that would be easy to label as manipulative or controlling or selfish just feel so personal! But if we can remember that even relational skills are brain-based skills, we can reclaim …

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REPLAY: Titrating Connection (Oppositional Series - Part 4) 47:47

9d ago47:47

47:47

In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series…

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REPLAY: When Connection isn't Safe (Oppositional Series - Part 3) 39:08

16d ago39:08

39:08

If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child? In this episode you’ll learn: How connection and protection can get tied together How to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your child The science behind why Y…

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REPLAY: Strategies for Oppositional Behavior (Oppositional Series - Part 2) 48:25

23d ago48:25

48:25

Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease. In this episode you’ll learn: An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the paren…

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REPLAY: Oppositional And Defiant Behavior (Oppositional Series - Part 1) 47:41

1M ago47:41

47:41

What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their …

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Ep. 198: All Behavior Makes Sense 48:45

1M ago48:45

48:45

All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-…

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EP 197: How Can the Club Help Me? 40:03

1M ago40:03

40:03

It’s really important to me and my team that you have all the information you might need when making the decision to join The Club- or not. The Club is open for new members now, October 1-8, 2024, and I recorded this episode based on some of the most commonly asked questions In this episode, you’ll learn What The Club even is and why it’s different…

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EP 196: Whiplash! When a Meltdown Comes Outta Nowhere 36:06

1M ago36:06

36:06

Whiplash. You probably know what I mean. You start to be lulled into a life with fewer meltdowns, or less intensity. Then BOOM. An old behavior seems to explode out of nowhere. You’re right back to feeling like everything’s awful or it’ll never get better or you’ll have to live like this forever. You might even be frustrated with yourself that you …

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EP 195: Self Regulation Doesn't Exist (2nd Edition) 37:02

2M ago37:02

37:02

If self-regulation doesn't really exist- then what do we mean when we talk about self-regulation? And why does it matter? In this episode, you’ll learn What self-regulation REALLY is How “self” regulation develop Why you should still teach self-regulation skills Resources mentioned in this podcast: What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81} …

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EP 194: Improving Connections Between Home and School with Jessica Sinarski 1:00:07

2M ago1:00:07

1:00:07

We could never have too many ideas about how to cultivate connections between home and school. Author of Light Up the Learning Brain (and Riley the Brave) Jessica Sinarski shares practical ideas that can help parents and schools work together to support kids with vulnerable nervous systems. In this episode, you’ll learn Practical, easy-to-implement…

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EP 193: Why So Controlling? 38:50

2M ago38:50

38:50

Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems is practically synonymous with “controlling.” Our kids are controlling and for most of us, if we were honest, we’d notice that the stress of parenting is causing us to get controlling, too. Why? In this episode, you’ll learn Why protection mode almost always leads to an increase in controlling behavior…

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EP 192: Is Co-Regulation Just Coddling?? 37:31

2M ago37:31

37:31

Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of- “Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?” Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s episo…

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REPLAY: When Your Child Won't Talk About Their Watchdog and Possum Brain 51:49

3M ago51:49

51:49

This episode originally aired on November 7th, 2023 Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain? They tell you it’s stupid or tell you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk? I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room). This doesn’t m…

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REPLAY: Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain? 24:09

3M ago24:09

24:09

This episode originally aired February 17th, 2023 I’ve been listening for a while and the watchdog and possum brain ideas have really helped me. Is it OK to teach this to my kids too? I’m worried they’ll start using it as excuses. I get this question all the time! If we teach our kids about the watchdog and possum brain are they going to start sayi…

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EP 191: Helping Siblings with Verbal Aggression 41:38

3M ago41:38

41:38

Does your child with a vulnerable nervous system say mean, hurtful, taunting, or aggressive things to your other kids? You already know you can’t control what comes out of someone else’s mouth, so what do you do??? How do you help your kids deal with their sibling’s verbal aggression? In this episode, you’ll learn Steps to help increase your childr…

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EP 190: When Two (or more) Kids Are Dysregulated at Once! 40:18

3M ago40:18

40:18

What on earth should you do when you have more than one child dysregulated at the same time? You’re outnumbered, you’re overwhelmed. Now what? In this episode, you’ll learn The #1 step to take when more than one kid is dysregulated What to prioritize How to have realistic expectations for yourself Resources mentioned in this podcast: Child Always D…

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EP 189: How to Help Siblings During a Meltdown 37:09

4M ago37:09

37:09

If you are a regular listener here on The Baffling Behavior Show, big, baffling behaviors and big meltdowns are no longer surprising in your home. Even if we can’t predict those moments of 'Back-Off or, 'Attack' Watchdog, "Shut Down' or, 'Play Dead' Possum, we can predict that it is going to happen again. You can create felt safety for the other ch…

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EP 188: Grief as the Sibling of a Child with Special Needs 39:39

4M ago39:39

39:39

Grief is hard to acknowledge and talk about. The truth is, there is grief involved with being the sibling of a child with a special need. In today’s episode, we’re exploring how to support the siblings of kids with a nervous system disability with behavior-based symptoms with all their feelings, especially grief. In this episode, you’ll learn How t…

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EP 187: Teach Siblings about Owls, Watchdogs, and Possums... Without Excusing! 38:46

4M ago38:46

38:46

One way we can support the siblings of kids with big, baffling behaviors is to teach them about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some way to understand the brain and behaviors) as well as to teach them about nervous system vulnerabilities and ‘overactive’ watchdog and possum brains! In this episode, you’ll learn Steps to take when teaching siblings…

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EP 186: Helping Siblings Understand "Unfair" Parenting 45:41

4M ago45:41

45:41

Do you have kids who feel like the way you parent their sibling (the one with the worst behavior!!!) is unfair? We’ll be tackling different topics on how to support siblings over the next month. In this episode, you’ll learn The five things to consider when thinking about how to help siblings understand ‘unfair’ parenting Are you parenting all your…

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EP 185: Setting Boundaries that Stick with Juliane Taylor Shore and Therapist Uncensored 1:02:56

5M ago1:02:56

1:02:56

Something new and unexpected here on The Baffling Behavior Show! This episode is actually from the Therapist Uncensored Podcast with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley. Sue and Ann interviewed one of y'alls FAVORITES- Juliane Taylor Shore. Juliane was on The Baffling Behavior Show a long time ago, talking about psychological boundaries and verbal aggressi…

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EP 184: How to Not Care what Other People Think 48:58

5M ago48:58

48:58

Parents of kids with baffling behaviors are CONSTANTLY being judged by others. How do we get to a point where we don’t care as much about what other people think? In this episode, we’ll explore: Some of the most common judgments that parents of kids with baffling behaviors receive How it’s actually not possible to not care at all, but we can care L…

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REPLAY: How Behavior Changes 30:33

5M ago30:33

30:33

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~Carl Rogers You know, one of my favorite things about studying relational neuroscience is discovering the science that proves things we’ve known all along. Not everyone needs the science, and I know some think the science detracts from the powerful truths that peop…

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EP 183: Is Watchdog and Possum Behavior Always Protective? 31:35

5M ago31:35

31:35

Do the Watchdog and Possum pathway only activate in protection mode? Are they always protective? NO! It is possible to have safe and connected Watchdog energy and safe and connected Possum energy! Why does this distinction matter? In this episode, you’ll learn What safe and connected watchdog energy feels like What safe and connected possum energy …

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REPLAY: Scaffolding is a Form of Co-Regulation 51:31

5M ago51:31

51:31

What does my child need for their success to be inevitable? If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding. Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed. The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable. It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would co…

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Ep 182: There Is Nothing Wrong With You! With Guest Janet Nordine 56:09

5M ago56:09

56:09

Janet Nordine is a registered play therapist, adoptee, and mental health activist working tirelessly to improve children’s mental health services, specifically in the state of Nevada. Janet has an important message for adoptees that I think is relevant to all kids and families who are supporting kids with vulnerable nervous systems: There is nothin…

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REPLAY: Co-Regulation Before Self-Regulation 35:54

5M ago35:54

35:54

Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences. At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned…

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EP 181: What's the "Connected Response" to {Insert Specific Difficult Behavior Here}? 44:00

5M ago44:00

44:00

What’s the connected response to {insert difficult behavior here}?? How do I respond to {insert difficult behavior here} in a connected way??? I get some version of this question almost every day. So, let’s answer it here on the podcast! In this episode, you’ll learn What most parents are really asking when they ask ‘what’s the connected response’?…

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EP 180: What's Up With Regression? 41:48

6M ago41:48

41:48

It’s normal and common for stress and dysregulation to cause kids to act younger than they really are. This happens to grown-ups too! Simply because it’s normal and common doesn’t mean it’s not very frustrating! In this episode, you’ll learn A neurosequential explanation for regression How to use regression as a cue or a clue about the state of you…

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EP 179: Is Regulated The Goal? 33:02

6M ago33:02

33:02

I’m sure you often feel like ‘getting your kid regulated’ is a very important goal! But- is it? Is regulated the goal? And is it possible to even consider these kinds of questions when we are parenting very dysregulated kids with very dangerous behaviors? In this episode, you’ll learn The difference between a moment of being regulated and having a …

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EP 178: EVERYONE Has A Watchdog And Possum Brain! 37:13

6M ago37:13

37:13

Believe it or not, we don’t want to get rid of our kids’ watchdog and possum brains! We want to help their watchdog and possum brain rest so they aren’t working so hard. Their watchdog and possum brains are overworked and overactive. In this episode, you’ll learn Why we must remember that everyone has a watchdog and possum brain How gratitude and a…

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EP 177: When Possums Become Watchdogs 38:21

6M ago38:21

38:21

When I work with parents whose child spends a lot of time on the possum pathway, I warn them that sometimes possum kids become watchdog kids before the finally have a nice, strong owl brain. Because watchdog behaviors are often more intense and scarier than possum behaviors, this can feel like your child is ‘getting worse.’ It’s actually a sign of …

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REPLAY: Self-Compassion Keeps you Regulated 29:50

7M ago29:50

29:50

This episode originally aired on December 22, 2020, episode 8 ::: I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons. #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science. #2- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-com…

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EP 176: Feel Better, Even If Nothing Changes 41:09

7M ago41:09

41:09

Is it possible to feel better even if your child’s behavior doesn’t change? Even if the stress doesn’t change? Theoretically, yes. Your chronic watchdog or possum state means you are in chronic protection mode. Is it possible to shift out of protection mode before the chaos in your life changes? That’s exactly what we address in today’s episode! In…

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REPLAY: Stress Response System 43:15

7M ago43:15

43:15

This episode originally aired on September 20th, 2022 Another important piece of understanding what is underneath your child's big, baffling behaviors is the Stress Response System. Our Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What stress is and how…

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EP 175: Secure Relating with Guests Sue and Ann from Therapist Uncensored 1:05:25

7M ago1:05:25

1:05:25

Settle in for a fun and inspiring chat with hosts from Therapist Uncensored and authors of the new release Secure Relating, Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley. In this episode, you’ll learn How responding to our children’s (and partner’s) needs in the present moment, instead of from a place of anxious or avoidant states, can improve our relationships About …

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REPLAY: Enabling vs Low-Demand Parenting 33:33

7M ago33:33

33:33

This episode originally aired on August 1st, 2023 Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. But what if we told you that understanding the balance between enabling and co-regulation could be your guiding light? This week, we break down this crucial contrast, demystifying the term 'enabling', oft…

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Ep. 174: When it's Hard to Keep Offering Connection 43:25

7M ago43:25

43:25

I’m sure you’ve had moments (days, weeks, months) where it felt hard, maybe even impossible, to keep offering connection to your child. It is hard to offer connection to someone who seems to constantly reject it! If it feels hard to keep offering your child connection, I actually want you to shift your focus. Don’t prioritize offering connection to…

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REPLAY: Low Demand Parenting with Amanda Diekman 1:03:10

7M ago1:03:10

1:03:10

"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family." You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book *** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources! You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying…

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Ep. 173: Are Connected Kids always Cooperative 35:22

7M ago35:22

35:22

If regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well, does that mean connected kids are always cooperative? Definitely not! In fact, there’s a level of connection to others- and to themselves! - that invites in the safety to be UNcooperative! In this episode, you’ll learn How safety can invite both cooperative and UNcooperative behavior Why too much …

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REPLAY: School Refusal with Eliza Fricker 1:01:40

7M ago1:01:40

1:01:40

This is NOT an episode about how to make your kid go to school. What you WILL learn in this episode: What is pathological demand avoidance, or PDA? Schools valuing attendance above all is not helpful You are a good parent even if your kid doesn’t go to school That sometimes, all we have to do is be nice Resources mentioned in this podcast: Can’t No…

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Ep. 172: What does it mean to 'Heal'? 39:11

8M ago39:11

39:11

The question of ‘can I heal’ or 'can my child heal' or ‘how do I (or my child) heal’ is a tricky one. Healing is a word that gets used a lot without really pausing to ask ourselves what it actually means. If we are aiming for a nebulous goal that hasn’t been defined, it will feel impossible to reach. Impossible tasks often feel hopeless. In this ep…

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REPLAY: Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior 29:44

8M ago29:44

29:44

***This episode originally aired on February 2nd, 2021*** Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most. It's confusing. It's triggering. It's exhausting. Did you catch last week's episode on X Ray Vision Goggles? We can use those goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and i…

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EP. 171: Living with someone chronically dysregulated 26:35

8M ago26:35

26:35

Do you live with someone or love someone who is chronically dysregulated? This episode isn’t an episode that is going to tell you what to do. This is an episode of commiseration. Of “I see you.” It is exhausting to live with someone who is chronically unhappy, or chronically dysregulated. Knowing you’re not alone can help. In this episode, you’ll l…

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REPLAY: Child Always Dysregulated? Try This!!! 33:58

8M ago33:58

33:58

***This episode originally aired on February 16th, 2021*** Connection. Empathizing. Offering choices. These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good. …

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Ep. 170: Why Kids Act Better for Other People 33:46

8M ago33:46

33:46

It’s very common for all humans- kids and adults- to have more behavior struggles and dysregulation. Kids with vulnerable nervous systems, as well as attachment trauma, are especially likely to demonstrate some confusing patterns with regard to where they are regulated and where they aren’t. In this episode, you’ll learn The neurobiology behind why…

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REPLAY: Trauma Behavior? Or Just Regular Kid Acting-Up Behavior? 41:05

8M ago41:05

41:05

***This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021*** You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma? Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???” Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious. What if I told you it doesn’t matter? H…

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Ep. 169: The Privilege of Parenting with Safety 34:25

8M ago34:25

34:25

Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold. In this episode, you’ll learn The definition of privilege (it i…

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REPLAY: Undoing the Aloneness in Parenting 26:32

8M ago26:32

26:32

Parents of kids with a history of relational and complex trauma are some of the loneliness people I’ve ever known. The loneliness of parenting becomes compounded when the loneliness isn’t seen. The loneliness is traumatic. It leaves an imprint on our spirits that wreaks havoc on our health (physical and mental) and our relationships (with others, a…

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Ep. 168: "I HATE YOU! And Other Big Feelings 43:27

8M ago43:27

43:27

Kids with vulnerable nervous systems often say BIG, hurtful, and scary words. They say things like “I hate you!” or “You hate me!” They sometimes threaten to hurt themselves- or you! Verbal aggression almost always pulls us right onto the watchdog pathway ourselves- which is understandable. Let’s talk about how you might respond if you’re able to h…

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