Episode 83: Cyberbullying on the rise! Be in the know to protect your kiddo!

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Cyberbullying is on the rise! Listen in to this episode for more info on the different types to be aware of and what you need to know to protect your kiddo!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

I think it's safe to say when we were kids, a lot of us encountered bullies. Maybe we were even the bully nowadays with our kids on all the digital things and everything. So interconnected, it is very, very common and almost guaranteed to encounter a bully. If our kids are online on whatever platform they may be on, it is also very common for kids that you would not expect like our own kids to be the bully in certain situations. And so since October is national bullying prevention month, I'm going to take some time to really break this down and talk about the types of bullying that are out there and things to look for in terms of whether or not your kiddo is being bullied or might lean towards being the bully or witnessing it and how to educate them in these things so that we can make sure that no one out there is being the victim of this. Okay. So this episode, we are going to talk about the different types of bullying that occur. So you are aware that it's not just one thing and there's lots of things to think about. Okay. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (01:15):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:41):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty. So thank you so much to all of you that have checked out the digital wellness symposium thing that I have shared on my last couple of episodes.

Speaker 1 (02:25):

I still have that link in the show notes. So if you were still wanting to check that out, it is still available. You can get a digital, all access pass with the ability to listen to all of the different talks from all of the different experts in different areas that were in that. So please check that out. I think it is such a vital thing for us to be aware of the digital influence regardless of our kids' ages. And especially when they're younger and we don't realize that they are being influenced. So if you haven't checked out already, the link is in the show notes and that is available for anybody worldwide. So wherever you are give that elicit. Okay. I think it'll be a really good thing for you to check out. So like I said, October is national bullying prevention month. And so we all know, and most of us should be aware by now that there is a thing called cyber bullying and in the stats that bark has put out in their annual report where they basically, if you're not familiar with bark, it's basically a monitoring system where they monitor the activities of kids on their devices.

Speaker 1 (03:39):

And they are able to gather so much data. They don't like spy on the kids. They just alert parents of certain conversations, certain keywords that they're picking up on. And so they have such an amazing vantage point to provide information on this. That's why I love, love, love bark. And if you're not in the us and you don't have access to them, still go to their website. I believe you can still access it from anywhere. They have so much stuff on their blog. So many helpful things that they provide. They're such an amazing company, but they have such a great vantage point when it comes to stats like this, because this is what they do. They are monitoring across so much information and you know how kids can text and be active on things. Like if you have them texting through your phone, you can literally have hundreds of texts in a day between little group chats and things that they have.

Speaker 1 (04:36):

So it's a monster in bark is somehow navigating it. And so some of their stats show that 76% of tweens or the pre-teen age and 82% of teens experienced bullying as a boy victim or witness. And I believe these stats are from the year 2020. Yes, they are from 2020. And then according to some other stats that have been reported, one in four students report being bullied and during the whole pandemic scenario of the last year and a half, with all the virtual learning, it's led to new forms of bullying such as zoom bombing. So it's just crazy, right? It's crazy. All that we have to navigate and deal with. So what I want to talk about today is just the different types of cyber bullying. And I looked at different sources and there's different names for some of these. Some people don't have all of these types, but this is five common types that bark identified with all of their stats and things.

Speaker 1 (05:43):

So if you're not familiar with cyber bullying, it's basically just bullying. It's just online. And, you know, kids have their digital things intertwined with real-world life. So it's bullying and it can go across platforms and into their real life, into their school life, all of that stuff. Okay. So the first type of bullying that I want to talk about is harassment. It's repeatedly doing some form of abusive behavior against someone online. It could be something that is happening to them in a message in a social media platform. It could be happening on the chat of a game that they're doing through a gaming console. It could be happening in the game of, you know, something where they play with other people like on roadblocks, it could be happening in social media posts in the comments, and it could be happening in texts and emails. There's just, it can happen anywhere if they are online, it can happen to them where they are repeatedly harassed by somebody.

Speaker 1 (06:50):

So many parents with harassment, believe that blocking is the answer, but this doesn't always stop it. So you have to be aware that they can go across different platforms. They can create new accounts in order to continue to do this. If it's on Instagram, for instance, they have where you, when you block an account, it will ask you, do you want to block this account in any new accounts they create because they found that. So what, when blocked, some people will go and just make a new account and then start harassing them. That way they've actually had kids really, really get stressed by this and parents not knowing what's going on is a huge, huge factor in this. So when someone really wants to be a bully and they can be anonymous in it, they can really take this to the extremes in order to harass somebody.

Speaker 1 (07:48):

So recently in right now, as I'm recording this in 2021, Instagram has released more things to help you to control the messaging in those types of things in their app. But I know that if you don't have them on Instagram, just be aware, it's not just Instagram. It can happen anywhere and it can happen across platforms. So it's something really to talk to your kiddo about. The second form of bullying is masquerading. That is pretending to be someone you're not in order to hurt someone else. So masquerading is quite, quite common in the virtual world because anyone can make an account and you don't have to put your picture your face on the account. So you can always say you're someone else. And with all of the different apps that are out there for editing pictures and changing them up, there are editing apps that can make an adult look like a kid.

Speaker 1 (08:45):

So masquerading as someone to where you're anonymous is a very powerful thing where they can then go on and, you know, bully this person in some way, by pretending that they're someone else, this is also where the predators often start because they will pose as someone else. They will obtain innermost secrets from that child, like who they have a crush on and what they're mad at their parents about, you know, different things like that. And then they can take that and turn it on them or manipulate them with it. That's where a lot of the grooming and predator type relationships start, they're gaining trust. The kid is thinking that they are someone else. And that's where it starts. The next form of bullying is exclusion. When someone is intentionally left out of a group message in event or a photo. So it doesn't necessarily have to be them, you know, sending them messages and harassing them like that, but excluding them from different activities where they are seeing that they were being left out of things can be a form of bullying.

Speaker 1 (09:57):

Now, this situation can be something that, you know, it's just a matter of the kiddo, understanding that they're not always going to be included in everything. You know, all the things that their friends are doing. Like they are allowed to have other friends and do other things. And not everybody all be invited, but sometimes it can escalate and really cause hard feelings and different things. When they are blocked by someone, you know, something like that, they use the blocking, they use the different ways of excluding them to really hurt them. The next form of bullying is called doxxing. And this is basically where you release someone's private information to cause them harm. This is actually something that is really problematic and is happening more and more like, you know, releasing their home address or other private information about them. So this is where it is vital that if you are letting them on some platform that you go through the privacy settings and make sure that it is like, especially like Snapchat, make sure that it is turned off to where it doesn't show their location because kids have been doxed in situations.

Speaker 1 (11:09):

I don't know if that's you doxing, I guess docs would be the correct term, but they've been doxed in situations where someone is mad at them. And so they will call the police. And there's someone in a parent chat that actually told all of us about this, that they will call the police and they know your location. So they'll call a police to your address and see that there's someone in that address that is abusing the child, or has a gun, different things like that, something to where it creates this problematic situation. And this parent that was telling us about it, actually it was something like they said that the dad had a gun and was threatening them. And so all of a sudden their house was surrounded and they to prove that that was indeed not true. So it can be a very, very serious form of harassment and bullying.

Speaker 1 (12:02):

And, you know, can turn into creating a criminal situation and fraud and all sorts of things like that. So that's why it's important to not give them access to the entire world. And when you do step into the world of giving them access to something where other people can access it, that your privacy settings are set up to where they cannot be located like in real time. And then the last one that I want to mention is trolling. And that's where they are provoking or baiting someone just to get a rise out of them. Unfortunately, I think adults do this a lot too. And unfortunately I do think some of the social media platforms actually have, there's a way to like set up bots for some of this so that it invokes people getting mad and arguing and being divided about things, but a person trolls, when they make like inflammatory anonymous statements online for the sole purpose of derailing, an online conversation or provoking other participants in the discussion, it can be where they are just making an individual feel bad by constantly leaving negative comments on social media posts to hurt their feelings.

Speaker 1 (13:18):

But, you know, it can just be something where someone is trying to invoke a response or, you know, make the conversation go in a certain direction. That type of thing. I think it happens a lot in the last year or so since the election in the us and all of that stuff. So definitely something to consider when it comes to our kids. So those are the five types of cyber bullying that are identified on barks information and their stats. Another place you can check out for more information is cyber bullying.org. And on that, a couple of things, I just wanted to mention that when they talk about cyber bullying, it's for their definition, they just describe it as this it's willful, meaning that the behavior is deliberate, it's repeated, meaning it reflects a pattern of behavior, not just an isolated incident, there is harm that is being inflicted.

Speaker 1 (14:15):

And then it is basically, if you think about bullying in person between like an, you know, like out in the school yard at school, there's usually some imbalance of power. And so if you think of cyber bullying in a similar manner, it is some way of them invoking power over the other child. So it is some way for them to manipulate the person that they're bullying to control them in some way. Okay. So that is all I wanted to talk about today was just those types of bullying so that you can be aware that it does occur. And if your kids online it's likely to happen. And it is common for kids, you know, we wouldn't expect our kids to do it, but because it's online stuff can be so anonymous that they will have a tendency to just do it, not realizing the ramifications.

Speaker 1 (15:11):

So I think the biggest thing to take away from this is we need to talk to our kids and it goes along with us having the conversation and helping them to be mature in what they do. And as a mom that has raised three kids. And if you know my history, you know, that they all got introduced to phones at different stages because of how far apart they are. And so I saw the impact of that being different on each one of them, but I've also walked the path of choosing to course correct, and redirect what we did and take it completely away and then wait for a maturity level to come about before I let to that freedom out more so than I was doing. So I have seen that there is a maturity that happens. So when a kid has a free range, phone and access to social media or whatever at younger ages, they just don't have that judgment capability there that they will have when they get older.

Speaker 1 (16:16):

And it always has an addictive tendency. So I just think that it's our responsibility to have that conversation and be proactive with making them aware of what this is, that it has a name and that it's not okay to do it in. There can be legal ramifications. And they find that kids that are being bullied have a higher incidence of suicide, anxiety, depression, those types of things. So it comes back to communication with our kiddos and making sure we are very proactive in this space. The other thing is too, if you are giving them a full phone, putting bark on it. So you know what their activity is, you don't have to wonder. And in another episode, I'm going to talk about some of the signs that you can look for. And again, I'm a mom that is just passionate about helping other moms in this space.

Speaker 1 (17:09):

I have no expertise as far as like a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I have walked this path. And sometimes I think that, you know, when we are looking for advice, at least for me, I couldn't take it from someone who wasn't walking my same path. And so it's always my goal to give you that viewpoint. But I also want you to make sure you reach out to an expert. If you feel like you were in over your head as always, okay. I say that all the time. And so I hope you understand that there's no guilt in that. There's no shame in that or anything like that. Okay. So that concludes our episode today. Just being aware of what type of cyber bullying is out there and having that conversation with our kiddo. And if you don't have bark on their phone, get bark on their phone.

Speaker 1 (18:00):

If they don't yet have a full phone, I would delay that if you can use something for the younger kids, like I talk all the time about, and I have links in the show notes for the watches for kids, and then also the dumb smartphones. They are a gift to us moms to have those things. And if you choose a pinwheel phone, you have complete control over when they can use that and how they use it, what apps they have on it. And you can put bark on it. So in places like the text messages, it can help you monitor so that it will pick up on conversations and alert you. So you can take a closer look and see if it's something that you need to be concerned about. All of those tools out there are such a gift right now. So if you aren't utilizing them, please check out my show notes and grab my discount codes and get them in place. They are part of your village that will help you to navigate this. Okay? So that's it for today. I will stop my rambling on and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (19:05):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (19:19):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.