E. 19 - Feedback: It's Everywhere...So Why Do We Get It Wrong?

That's So Deep

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today’s episode is titled Feedback: It’s Everywhere…So Why Do We Get it Wrong?

Some deep things we cover:

1. Feedback is Life: Understanding feedback helps us grow and connect to each other.
2. First Understand Feedback: Don’t take feedback at face value. Before reacting to feedback, ask questions.
3. Three Categories of Feedback: Appreciation, Coaching and Evaluation.
4. Cross Transactions: When we are asking for one type of feedback and we get another type it creates conflict and disconnection.
5. Human Intelligence is Organized Around Stories: Computers manage and access data but human intelligence is organized around stories. Beware: we often think our interpretation of data is the data itself.
6. Feedback is a Two-Way Street: Even if you package it well, it can be received poorly.
7. Phyllis’ Jekyll and Hyde Way of Giving Feedback: Phyllis unpacks how she tried to use appreciation to compensate for her hypercritical feedback.
8. Pushing vs. Pulling: Pushing happens from the feedback giver and may not create the change desired in the feedback receiver. Pulling happens from within the feedback receiver and that is where the real change happens.
9. Honest Mirrors and Supportive Mirrors: We need both types of friends who reflect the truth but also provide us with the support we need to change.

Take-aways:

1. Take a Mirror Inventory: List the supportive mirrors and the honest mirrors in your life. We need both types of people to help us grow.
2. Ask For What You Need: Use the 3 categories of appreciation, coaching and evaluation to ask for what we need when we are wanting feedback.
3. Delay Judgment and Get Curious: Ask clarifying questions about the feedback you’re receiving so you can properly understand the story that the feedback giver is giving you.

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We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower: Huston, Therese
2. Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well: Stone, Douglas, Heen, Sheila
3. The Essentials: Giving Feedback - Women at Work | Podcast on Spotify
4. Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist)