195. The cost of ‘earning’ your rest

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting

A major hurdle that many of us moms to rest is the underlying belief that we need to 'earn our rest'. In this episode, Professional Counsellor and mom of three unpacks how this belief impacts our abilities to rest well, our relationships and our coping habits. This episode is in follow-up to Episode 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom In this episode, we discuss topics such as: relaxation vs pseudo-rest, burnout opportunity costs, and how we insert ourselves into the equation 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience) 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood the cultural views on motherhood, being lazy, and earning rest how we apply the logic of 'earning rest', seeking external validation, martyrdom 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr) 192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation) the escape hatch, dealing with our feelings 185. Emotional needs in motherhood (what they are and how to meet them) 142. What will change cost you? (Paying the status quo or investing in change) Show up for your life getting the cycle backwards between rest and hard work the Instagram post you all loved about rest the cycle of hyper-productivity then crashing meeting your needs the series is right here Join the Simple Saturdays newsletter right here FULL TRANSCRIPT 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast. 0:17 So if you're new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three kids in Canada, I am a counselor. And my aim is to equip you with tools and ideas and insights that help you live more simply and more intentionally, in all the areas of your life. 0:31 So this episode is a follow up to the last episode where I was unpacking that concept of asking yourself in moments where you are finding yourself with a desire to relax, am I being lazy? Or am I overwhelmed, because when we can differentiate between the two, we can handle it accordingly. 0:48 When we're overwhelmed, we've maxed out we've reached capacity. And I've talked about that window of tolerance. That's that range where we feel a sense of resource and ability to deal well with the day in all its demands. being overwhelmed takes us out of that window of tolerance. And we have this dilemma of actually being worn out and needing rest. But then that voice comes in that says, if you're resting, you're lazy, you should be doing this or that. 1:09 So in that moment, we have a choice, we can be lazy, or we can go and get more things done. One leads to guilt fueled pseudo arrest, the other leads to even more burnout. 1:20 A concept I've shared over the years is the concept of opportunity cost. And that is the acknowledgement that when we say yes to one thing, we say no to the other, and vice versa. 1:30 For example, if I say yes to a day of work, and all that comes with it, career advancement, maybe job satisfaction, a wage, etc, then I say no to maybe being a stay at home, parent, and all the stuff that would happen then if I was a stay at home parents, someone's there to do chores, make meals, childcare, whatever, vice versa, there's no wrong choice. I'm just saying these simple choices, we are weighing against our own values and goals have a cost on either side. 1:56 But as moms when it comes to the opportunity cost of rest. We live in a culture where we have put ourselves into the transaction. 2:04 We tell ourselves this math, if I say no to me, resting, I say yes to getting more stuff done. And since I live in a culture where busy is glorified, I should choose that. Or vice versa. If I say no to getting stuff done, I'm saying yes to me being a lazy mum.