Stefani Goerich: Minding the Pleasure Gap: Bridging Kinky & Vanilla Sex

The Sex Reimagined Podcast

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Stefani Goerlich, professor, author of “Sprinkles,” & a sex therapist, discusses her journey into the field of sexuality, working with students & patients. In this conversation, Stefani Goerlich discusses that while kink & BDSM have become more mainstream in recent years, many "vanilla" people still find the concept off-putting or disturbing. However, consensual exploration of power dynamics & erotic psychology can profoundly deepen intimate connections in relationships. She shares a powerful story of helping a couple navigate the difference between consensual kink & abuse.

TAKEAWAYS

• Understanding what is normal and healthy in relationships requires unlearning societal biases.
• Consensual kink and BDSM can be misunderstood and stigmatized, but it is important to differentiate between consensual kink and abuse.
• Maintaining boundaries as a sex therapist is crucial to ensure the therapeutic relationship is not influenced by personal experiences or biases.
• Exploring & striving to understand each person’s erotic identity is important for couples with differing desire levels.
• When couples want to open their relationship, clarifying their motivations is important.
• Partners supporting someone with trauma should reframe their role as holding space and providing support.

EPISODE LINKS

• Stefani's Podcast - Securing Sexuality
• Stefani's - Securing Sexuality Conference
• Stefani's - Counseling Services
• Stefani's Book - The Leather Couch
• Stefani's Book - Sprinkles on Top
• Stefani's Book - Kink Affirming Practice
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Chapters

1. Stefani Goerich: Minding the Pleasure Gap: Bridging Kinky & Vanilla Sex (00:00:00)

2. Introduction and Guest Presentation (00:01:37)

3. Introducing Stefani Goerlich (00:01:45)

4. Beginning of the Interview with Stefani Gorelick (00:02:30)

5. Stefani's Journey into Sexuality Business (00:03:20)

6. Stefani's Teaching Experience and Challenges Faced by Students (00:04:52)

7. Understanding 'Normal' in Sexuality and Relationships (00:06:03)

8. The Importance of Boundaries and Understanding Personal Limits (00:10:08)

9. Stefani's Specialization in Kink and BDSM (00:12:59)

10. The Thin Line Between Consensual Kink and Abuse (00:20:32)

11. Personal Preferences and Boundaries in Kink (00:26:46)

12. Exploring the Power of Words in Intimate Relationships (00:32:49)

13. Understanding the Psychological Impact of Name Calling (00:33:31)

14. Introducing 'Sprinkles': A Guide for Kink and Vanilla Partners (00:35:19)

15. The Importance of Focusing on the 'Vanilla' Person in a Relationship (00:37:42)

16. Addressing the Challenges of Mixed Desire Couples (00:39:31)

17. The Role of a Kink-Affirming Sex Therapist in Relationship Dynamics (00:41:46)

18. Exploring the Book 'Sprinkles' and Its Availability (00:42:52)

19. Discussing the Scope of Stefani's Work and Expertise (00:43:21)

20. Navigating Relationship Changes: From Monogamy to Non-Monogamy (00:45:37)

21. Closing Thoughts and Contact Information (00:50:51)

22. The Dish with Leah & Dr. Willow (00:52:07)

23. The Importance of Perspective in Relationship Dynamics (00:55:21)