Perinatal Rage + O.C.D: LAURA BISBEY

BLUE MUMDAYS

In this 'Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week' special, I speak to Laura Bisbey, who was diagnosed with perinatal distress and anxiety during her pregnancy. This sadly continued following the birth of her daughter. Laura tells me about her feelings of rage during the pregnancy, and - once her daughter had been born - her struggles with bonding and the onset of O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive disorder). It's a tremendously brave conversation and I am so grateful to Laura for sharing her story with us.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Brief mention of feelings of suicide*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:28] Introduction to Laura.

[02:53] Increased anxiety and guilt about not enjoying pregnancy.

[07:15] Perinatal rage - completely out of character for Laura.

[10:02] How breaking her arm exacerbated negative feelings during pregnancy.

[12:05] Enforced rest = over-thinking. Feeling she wasn't needed at work. Letting the mask slip.

[14:06] Laura's husband couldn't relate, but was very supportive.

[15:37] Advice for people listening - "explain how you are feeling".

[16:51] The importance of Laura's work and how hard the abrupt ending was for her.

[19:11] Unrealistic expectations of how easy motherhood would be. Trying to be 'perfect'.

[23:34] Charlotte's birth - a quick labour but no 'rush of love'. Bonding took a year.

[28:37] C.B.T. (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) and O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Trying to stay 'in control'.

[31:24] *Waves of sadness and not wanting to be here anymore*.

[33:44] Starting to build a relationship with Charlotte through play.

[36:30] How Laura's O.C.D. manifested - fears around contamination, choking and vomit.

[43:28] How this O.C.D. tested Laura's relationship.

[44:45] Trying to cope when Charlotte was sick.

[47:33] Getting help with the O.C.D. and keeping 'checking' under control.

[49:26] How C.B.T. offered Laura solutions and strategies.

[51:14] Recovery isn't linear.

[52:02] How returning to work was integral to Laura's recovery.

[53:37] Finally being hit by that much longed for 'rush of love'.

[56:54] Telling people at work.

[01:03:09] Advice for people currently struggling.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Follow this link for N.H.S. information about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (C.B.T.)
2. You can find more information about postnatal rage here – from the Centre of Perinatal Excellence (Australia).
3. Perinatal O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is one of the most misunderstood perinatal mental health problems. Click here for advice and support from the Maternal O.C.D. charity, set up by 2 mums with lived experience and O.C.D. Action, the UK's largest O.C.D. charity.
4. Difficulty with baby bonding affects a third of UK mums. Read more about it here in this N.C.T. (National Childbirth Trust) article.
5. Find out more about the 'Circle of Security' model of attachment here
6. Click to hear Liz Wise's journey with PND in Series 1 Episode 1 – Liz’s first daughter Emma comes on at the end to tell us how close their relationship is now, despite Liz struggling to bond with her at first.
7. This 'Loving Kindness Meditation' will help you relax, reset and recharge. It’s only 15 minutes long and you don’t have to meditate - just close your eyes and listen. There’s no pressure to do anything, but it might just help you to relax and still any anxious over-thinking for a while. (Thank you to Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 for creating this specially for Blue MumDays.)

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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NEXT EPISODE:

Next time I speak to Sarah Edge, who is a perinatal specialist psychotherapist working in South Manchester, with a special interest in supporting women with infant feeding guilt and trauma. Sarah is also the author of the Maternal Mental Health Manual. We discuss her own battles with anxiety, breastfeeding, hyperemisis gravidum and postnatal depression, following the birth of her two children.

SUPPORT:

*FOR SUPPORT SPECIFIC TO THIS EPISODE, PLEASE SEE THE KEY TAKEAWAYS*

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: [e-mail] / Tel: [phone]

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity

Call us - 0151 541 9020 / Email - [e-mail]

AIMS for better birthing.

Email: [e-mail]

This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: [phone] (leave message)

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/ [e-mail]

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [e-mail] (Live chat online facility)

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

Birth Trauma Association

Email: [e-mail]

CALM

Contact CALM on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: [e-mail] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: [phone]

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family

www.cafamily.org.uk

Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.

Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association

www.clapa.com - Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters

Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.

[e-mail]

0161 344 0669

DadsNet

Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads

A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [e-mail]

Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222 / www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366 / www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out

https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/ run by Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [e-mail]

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925 / www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

Email: [e-mail]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

Email: [e-mail]

Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email [e-mail] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy

Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [e-mail] / 0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [e-mail]

Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother. [e-mail]

Music Football Fatherhood - [e-mail]

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

Muslim Women’s Network

Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [e-mail]

Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk / Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society www.autism.org.uk

Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

NHS

Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111

or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline

If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS

Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401

Email support available – [e-mail]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario

PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada

[e-mail]

Petals

Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: [phone]

Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/

Email: [e-mail]

PMH Support

Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.

Samaritans

Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)

Web: www.samaritans.org

Email: [e-mail]

Sands Charity

Emotional and practical support for anyone affected by the death of a baby.

0808 164 3332 /Email: [e-mail]

Shout

Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.

Twins Trust

Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All

0800 138 0509 / email [e-mail].

Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html

Tommy’s

Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.

Web: