Episode 28: 10 Mistakes Made in Conversation

Lunch With The Garzas

Do you make these 10 common mistakes in a conversation?

Conversation is key! It is the way we form all of our relationships, whether it’s through text, on the phone, or belly to belly.

Top 10 Mistakes

Not Listening

Most people do not actively listen. They just wait for their turn to talk When you do this, you cannot possibly contribute to the conversation in the best ways Stop being lazy and learn to actually listen
You will pick up on more potential paths in the conversation

If someone says:

‘I went to the mall last weekend with a couple friends.’

You could say:

‘What mall did you go to?’

‘So you love shopping?’

‘What all did you guys do at the mall?’

‘Did you see any great deals?’

‘What were you guys shopping for?’

etc.

The person will delve deeper into the subject, giving you more info to work with and more paths to choose from.

If they say something like ‘Oh I don’t know’ at first, don’t give up

Prod a little further Ask again They do know, they just have to think a little more As they start to open up the conversation becomes more interesting because it isn’t on autopilot anymore.

Asking too many questions

If you ask too many questions, the conversation can feel like an interrogation. Or like you don’t have much to contribute Mix questions with statements

Continuing the conversation above, you could skip the question and say:

‘Yeah it’s so great to get away with your friends for the weekend. We just went shopping for an event at the end of the month.’

‘Nice. We always go to Greenwood Mall when we can, you should check it out!’

Conversation can then flow from there You can talk about the different malls you go to, your event at the end of the month, etc.

Tightening Up

When in a new conversation or when the usual topics are exhausted An awkward silence or mood might appear. You may become nervous or worried not knowing exactly why

You can always talk about current events
News Water cooler topics: shows and cultural news (latest episode of ____) Choose something from your surroundings.
Aquarium That girls cool Halloween costume The music playlist Great way to start new conversations
Assume Rapport
If you feel nervous or weird about meeting someone for the first time Imagine how you would feel when you meet one of your best friends Pretend that your new acquaintance is one of your bf’s. Don’t overdo it with touchiness right away But if you do this, you will greet new people in a positive emotional state. You will begin talking with a smile and a relaxed attitude It may sound loopy but it really works.

Poor Delivery

One of most important parts of a conversation Not what you say, but how you say it. A change in these habits can make a big difference Since voice and body language are vital parts of communication

Things to think about:

Slowing down
When you get excited it’s easier to talk faster and faster. Try to slow down It makes it easier for people to listen and to actually get your point across
Speaking up
Don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you. Speak clearly. Don’t mumble Speak with emotion
No one listens if you speak with a monotone voice. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.
Use pauses
Small pauses between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation. People will start listening more attentively
Improve your body language
Makes delivery much more effective

Hogging the Spotlight

Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight Don’t interrupt someone to divert attention back to yourself Don’t hijack their story about skiing before it’s finished to share your best skiing story. Find a balance between listening and talking

Having to be right

Avoid arguing and having to be right about everything A lot of times, conversations aren’t really a discussion. Its more of a way to keep the good mood going No one will be impressed if you ‘win’ every conversation Sit back, relax and just keep the good feelings going

Talking about weird or negative topics

If you are just getting to know someone, it’s best to avoid certain topics
Talking about your bad health or relationships your crappy job or boss serial killers technical lingo that only you and some other guy understands or anything that sucks the positive energy out of the conversation
You may also want to save religion and politics for conversations with your friends.

Being boring

Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic tis running out of steam

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life.

Focus on the positive stuff Don’t whine about your circumstances. People don’t want to hear it. Talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny story that happened last week, your plans for the upcoming holiday, your new business or blog, or something funny and exciting.

Another way is to just be genuinely interesting

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way to say that they way to make friends is to be one.” Dale Carnegie

Knowing a little about many things or at least being open to talk about them instead of trying to steer the conversation back to your favorite subject is a nice quality Open up a bit
Don’t cling desperately to one topic If you can avoid this You will come across as a person who can talk about many things with ease. This quality is something that is appreciated in conversation It makes you feel like you can connect to that person easily

Not Reciprocating

Open up and say what you think, share how you feel. If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one with them Don’t just stand there nodding and answering with short sentences. If someone invests emotionally into a conversation, they want you to as well.

You can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move. Be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation One way is to replace questions with statements. It makes you less passive.

Not Contributing Much

You may feel that you don’t have much to contribute, but try anyways Be interested in what others say Ask questions Make relating statements

Open your eyes. Develop your observational skills
Pick up on interesting things in your surroundings
iDevelop your personal knowledge bank
By expanding your view of interesting things in the world. Read newspapers and keep an eye on new water cooler topics
Work on your body language, assume rapport

Wrapping up

Don’t do it all at once Pick out the 3 most important things that you feel needs improving. Work on them everyday for 3-4 weeks. Notice the difference and keep at it Soon you will form new habits for your conversations