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Ain't No Such Thing - Original Southern Horror Stories
Amanda Rachels, Jessica Hinds & Kevin LaPorte
Do you like a good scary story? Us, too! You're gonna feel right at home with us here at Ain't No Such Thing, our horror podcast. Each week, we explore the ghosts, haunts, monsters, and more urban & rural legends from across the world and across cultures, and we tell our own, original horror stories based on those legends! Our stories are narrated in Southern style by illustrator and comic artist Amanda Rachels and are accompanied by episodes including commentary and analysis by Amanda, hos ...
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A podcast interview series with guests who are living their lives on their terms. Learning the challenges they face when building their own business and escaping the rat race of traditional employment.
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LEGEND: The Coosa River Monster - Dragon, Woman or Gar?
46:30
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Consider the strange and varied circumstances of the 19th Century legend of the Coosa River Monster, a uniquely northeastern Alabama occurrence that was never quite what it appeared...and it appeared many times over those long-lost decades to bring tall tales - and even word of a curse - to the darkened woods of the 1800's. All that, plus our spoil…
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Join the Ain't No Such Thing crew as we discuss Rebekah McKendry's recent indie horror, Glorious, streaming now on Shudder. All four of us sat down to watch this homegrown Lovecraftian tale, and we shared some surprising reactions. SPOILER ALERT: This review includes full, no-holds-barred details of the film's story and its ending. Before you liste…
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SCARY STORY: The Baptist IV - The Bay of the Holy Spirit
22:40
22:40
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Two friends on an annual alligator hunt discover hidden truths about each other and encounter a legendary gator and a supernatural force they could not have foreseen and might possibly not survive. Join our Facebook group for exclusive insights and art based on our stories: https://www.facebook.com/groups/aintnosuchthing Ain't No Such Thing © Inver…
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LEGEND: The Melon Heads - Scourges of the Northern Woods
51:27
51:27
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Join the Ain't No Such Thing crew for a dreaded foray outside the South in consideration of a decidedly Northern phenomenon - The Melon Heads, cannibalistic survivors of a mad doctor's machinations in a mid-20th century asylum, escaped into the surrounding woods after murdering the old man and burning their erstwhile prison to the ground...or somet…
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SCARY STORY: Bitten - An Infectious Body Horror
14:49
14:49
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A simple man tending his orange grove suffers an unexpected bite from a seemingly normal pest, but the wound that follows and the consequences for his body and his life are decidedly abnormal. Bitten is written by Erica J. Heflin. Ain't No Such Thing is narrated and produced by Amanda Rachels. Join our Facebook group for exclusive insights and art …
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LEGEND: The Casket Girls - Vampires or Victims?
45:32
45:32
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Ain't No Such Thing is BACK after a one-year hiatus, with the story of The Casket Girls, "undesirable" women from the early 18th Century shipped from France to the U.S. Gulf Coast cities of Mobile, Biloxi and New Orleans for the sole purpose of providing mates to European explorers and fur traders, so that the Catholic population in the New World w…
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The whole Ain't No Such Thing crew saw David Bruckner's The Night House and had to talk about it. Amanda, Kevin, Jess, and Erica discuss this film along with hopes for the upcoming Hellraiser reboot, to be produced by the same team behind The Night House. WARNING: This review includes SPOILERS! Ain't No Such Thing is narrated and produced by Amanda…
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SCARY STORY: The Men of Pinewood Lane - A Back to Nature Horror
10:49
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Darryl's commute through the Florida pine woods has become routine. He sees the same trees, the same one pump gas station, even the same walking traveler on the road every day. He drives without thinking and without truly seeing until that routine is nightmarishly interrupted. Green Leaves by Audionautix is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribu…
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SCARY STORY: Turtle Soup - A Backwoods Cannibal Horror
16:03
16:03
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A good ole boy couch-surfing on the rotting sofa of friends in BFE learns the fine art of harvesting roadkill from his hosts but soon finds himself in a unique quandary when a moment of impulsive anger brings together his new talents and the baser instincts of people desperate for a bite to eat. Turtle Soup is written by Erica J. Heflin. Ain't No S…
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LEGEND: Robert the Doll - The Most Haunted Doll in the World
1:13:14
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Our Legend series of hauntings continues with "the most haunted doll in the world", Robert the Doll. Kevin and Jess paid a visit to Robert while on vacation in Key West, and what they discovered was genuinely unexpected! Listen to their tale of a direct encounter with Robert just a few weeks ago and enjoy Amanda's backstory of Robert the Doll's his…
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LEGEND: The Myrtles Plantation - Haunted Travels
45:19
45:19
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Amanda, Kevin, and Jessica discuss haunted travel experiences and Jessica's recent trip to one of America's most haunted homes, The Myrtles Plantation. She has a photo that may or may not show the image of Chloe, the most famous of the plantation's ghostly inhabitants. What do you think? Ain't No Such Thing is produced by Amanda Rachels Support our…
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Meet Your Coaches - Jon and Jessica Hinds Jon Hinds was an NBA and NFL Strength Coach and trained Tony Gonzalez, Penny Hardaway, Shawn Kemp, Wesley Matthews, Jimmy Butler, Kron Gracie (World Champion Brazilian Jiu-jitsu), Antoni Hardonk (UFC Top 5 Ranked Fighter), and many many more. He's also a Celebrity Personal Trainer, and has trained Tony Robb…
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SCARY STORY: The Twisted Woman - A Haunting in the Trees
16:09
16:09
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As an old woman's bizarre story of a twisted, beckoning tree creature unfolds, the young reporter interviewing her starts to wonder if the danger is in the swamp or from the old woman herself. The Twisted Woman is written by Erica J. Heflin. Ain't No Such Thing is narrated and produced by Amanda Rachels Support our Patreon Campaign for access to: M…
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LEGEND: The Beast of Busco - Indiana Monster Turtle
30:51
30:51
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In 1948, a northern Indiana farmer encountered something in his lake that terrified him, a turtle so large those who witnessed it later compared it to the size of a small passenger car. His successor on the farm went so far as to use baited traps, send down divers, and even drain the 7-acre lake in his obsession with proving the monster turtle's ex…
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LEGEND: Pope Lick Monster - The Kentucky Goat-Man
38:34
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Just outside Louisville, Kentucky, there is a train trestle famous for its devious, dangerous denizen, the Goat-Man - The Pope Lick Monster. This scheming critter lures the curious and the daring onto the bridge with its arcane abilities, only to leave them in the path of the oncoming train. Jess, Amanda & Kevin take on The Pope Lick Monster and co…
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SCARY STORY - Winter of Bromeliads - Demonic Ritual Horror
25:55
25:55
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A lone woman and her canine companion makes her way to a lonesome beach for a day of much needed solitude, only to find evidence of some arcane ritual. She soon falls ill and relies on the suspect generosity of the locals to keep her healthy and safe, but there are hungry forces at play in this false paradise far beyond anything she could have imag…
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LEGEND: Arkansas Fouke Monster - The Boggy Creek Bigfoot
35:53
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After two hurricanes, COVID-induced periods of remote work and remote learning, and months of changes in day jobs and growth in our comics publishing business, WE. ARE. BACK. Our first LEGENDS episode in 6 months is here, and it features the star of The Legend of Boggy Creek, the Fouke Monster - Arkansas' own Bigfoot! Amanda, Jess & Kevin discuss t…
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SCARY STORY: Possum Princess - Backwoods Monster Body Horror
16:34
16:34
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A parent's worst nightmare is helplessness in a moment of utter need for their child. When that emergency is life-threatening and happens in the depths of the Florida wilds, a frightened and desperate mother will turn to almost anyone. But to what ends will a stranger go to help? And what old, dark forces will that stranger tap to save the child, a…
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SCARY STORY: Betty & Veronica - Giant Snake Monster Horror
23:34
23:34
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Even the most skilled snake hunters take great care in the Everglades. Legends of monster gators and snakes and boars bounce around the bars and the message boards like rumors of cheating county commissioners, but every once in a while...every now and then...one of them legends turns out to be true. When a group of long-time herpers (reptile hunter…
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SCARY STORY: Mudriders - A Southern Bigfoot Horror
16:00
16:00
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Rawley just wants to kiss a girl...just about any girl...so, against his better judgment, he accompanies his cousin - the local stud - to a mudriding party in a local country dirt pit. Confronted with backwoods machismo and beer-soaked behavior, Rawley soon questions his decision...over and over again. That is, until he meets a pretty girl in the b…
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SCARY STORY: The Baptist III - The Hayride - A Halloween Horror
23:25
23:25
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Halloween, 1983. A shy young man joins his church youth group for a Halloween alternative gathering and hayride. Nothing goes as expected, as he finds himself the object of the affections of a girl he never before met and follows her onto a haunted hayride into the night and into a forest full of his worst fears. The Hayride is written by Kevin LaP…
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SCARY STORY: Mother of the Swamp - Bayou Occult Horror
22:21
22:21
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You think you know what happens to folks out in the swamps...and why? You don't know nothin'. When people start to disappear from one diminishing little bayou village, everybody has a theory, but ain't none of'em right...or even close, for that matter. Come on in and take a crack at this case yo'self, and see what you make of...the Mother of the Sw…
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LEGEND: Louisiana Rougarou - The Southern Werewolf
38:02
38:02
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The Ain't No Such Thing tour of Southern, hirsute cryptids lands in Lousiana to check in on the most Southern of werewolves - the swamp-dwelling Rougarou! This lupine ole cuss not only morphs into a half-man/half-wolf beastie under the full moon, he comes after you when you don't follow the rules of the church. Sounds like some grandmothers we know…
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SCARY STORY: Kid Gloves - Creepy Clown Doll Horror
16:50
16:50
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In the 1970's, empty parking lots spawned traveling carnivals, rife with rusted rides, grizzled barkers, and tainted games of skill. It was in one of these rancid attractions that a lonely little girl with a resentful, acid-tongued mother wins the greatest prize of her life, one to come home with her and take away all her hurt...no matter the cost.…
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Ain't No Such Thing takes on the guise of Florida Man and dips WAY down into the Peninsula to look into reports of The Great Cypress Forest's own Bigfoot, the Skunk Ape (a.k.a. Swamp Cabbage Man, a.k.a. Stink Ape, a.k.a. Myakka Ape). We dig deep into reported encounters, the surprisingly broad cultural influence, and speculate what's behind this en…
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SCARY STORY: Aladdin's Castle - 1980's Mall Arcade Horror
12:45
12:45
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In the 1980's, dismal mall goths prowled the corridors of retail riches, primed to show off their deviant looks and worry the normies. But, deep down, they ultimately wanted the same attention we all crave, from parents and teachers and...potential loves. When reality won't serve the needs of one of these suburban nightcrawlers, maybe a cursed vide…
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Ain't No Such Thing is BACK with a new discussion of an Alabama legend. As we open Season Two, we look into the Alabama White Thang, a northeast Alabama cryptid that seems to change shape and sound over the decades. We take shots at all of it's weird and dubious sightings and characteristics and have a lot of fun doing it. Join us, won't you! Ain't…
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In a lost and lonely town, food is a scarcity, a right of the rich, and a traveler comes to sell the poor and starving on an elixir to produce meat where none previously grew. And the townspeople rejoice and partake! Young and skeptical mother, Catherine, just wants to feed her son, Samuel, so she approaches The Traveler with reticence to sample hi…
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MOVIE REVIEW: The Color Out of Space - H.P. Lovecraft by way of Richard Stanley & Nicolas Cage
24:41
24:41
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Amanda and Kevin review the film The Color Out of Space! H.P. Lovecraft's tale of a meteor strike with monstrous results is directed by Richard Stanley (Hardware, 1990) starring Nicolas Cage and Joely Richardson. Listen to our discussion on this surprising horror gem with both spoiler free and spoilery reviews. Don't worry, we give you notice befor…
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SCARY STORY:Some Old Lover's Ghost - HAUNTED ROMANCE
30:25
30:25
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Some Old Lover's Ghost was written by Ian McDowell. Student teacher, Tim, learns which campus legends are real when he has a strange encounter with a student on a supposedly haunted floor of the library. Ian is an award-winning journalist with a flair for the macabre who has written two novels, Mordred's Curse and Merlin's Gift, and numerous horror…
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SCARY STORY: Huggin' Molly - She's Coming To Get You!
12:26
12:26
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February 23, 2020 Amanda Rachels & Kevin LaPorte Parents in Abbeville Alabama have told their children for generations, "Be home before dark or Huggin' Molly will get you." Four friends are digging an underground clubhouse when disaster strikes not once but twice! The friends are locked in a race against time and are pursued by the monstrous timeke…
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SCARY STORY: On the Dark Road - SKIN-WALKER HORROR
33:29
33:29
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Monica and Steve are collecting Cherokee folklore from an old timer who tells them of a creature called the Tsukala. It is said to possess the ability to take the shape of any animal - even human- in order to lure its prey. On the Dark Road was written by Ian McDowell. On the Dark Road first appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction a…
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Amanda, Jess & Kevin cuddle up to discuss Abbeville, Alabama's resident curfew enforcing haunt, Huggin' Molly. We consider the merits of using fear of the supernatural to shape the behavior of children (it doesn't work!) and look into some of the other monsters created specifically to change behavior. Plus, find out the monsters our own families de…
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SCARY STORY: Inheritance - Choose Your Own Adventure Style Horror!
30:00
30:00
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January 22, 2020 Amanda Rachels, Ian McDowell, Neil A McKain, Jagdeep Kaul, Christina O'Donovan, James O'Callaghan, Hazel O'Brien, & Kevin LaPorte Norma has just become the sole inheritor of her estranged grandmother's country estate. Along with her sister and close friends, she sets out to explore her new home and hopefully find a few family heirl…
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SCARY STORY: The Wolf Woman of Davis Avenue
14:55
14:55
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January 20, 2020 Kevin LaPorte - Amanda Rachels Easter weekend and empty houses left by traveling families are a perfect target for a seasoned burglar in Mobile, Al. In his search for loot and some easy money he finds a lot more than he bargained for when he comes face to face with a rumored cryptid. Support our Patreon Campaign for access to: More…
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LEGEND: The Wolf Woman of Davis Avenue & Mass Hysteria
38:37
38:37
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The Ain't No Such Thing team, Amanda and Kevin (Jess is back with us next week), discuss famous cases of mass hysteria as well as two popular ones in our own back yard, The Wolf Woman of Davis Avenue and the elusive Crichton Leprechaun. Did you see them? These local legends are hard to miss (the latter especially on YouTube - link below). Have a lo…
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SCARY STORY: The Chair - Choose Your Own Adventure Style Horror!
13:55
13:55
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January 08, 2020 Amanda Rachels, James O'Callaghan, Hazel O'Brien, & Amy Rachels A driver spots an unusual object by the edge of an isolated lake and makes the fateful decision to investigate. An empty boat launch, an abandoned shack, and a rusty wheelchair...what could go wrong? The Ain't No Such Thing Facebook Group recently played a game of Pass…
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SCARY STORY: The Ripple Effect - A Bloody Mary-Style Horror
15:26
15:26
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January 6, 2020 Amanda Rachels & Jessica Hinds High school diving phenom, Lucy, is facing pressure from everyone. Her coaches, her friends, and most of all her father. On a rare night out with friends she finds more pressure in the form of a dare. What will she unleash when she stands in front of the mirror in a dark room and says her name backward…
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The Bloody Mary summoning ritual crosses centuries and cultures, but why? Where did it begin? And why does it keep spreading? The Ain't No Such Thing team of Amanda, Jess & Kevin tackles these questions and more in this episode. The summoning of Bloody Mary is essentially amateur spell casting, so we break down the elements of the spell and explore…
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ANNOUNCEMENT - Happy New Year! Ain't No Such Thing is on Patreon!
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Yes! 2019 has been amazing, as we've launched eleven (11!) episodes, and we are going into 2020 full force with the launch of our Ain't No Such Thing Patreon campaign. Each week, we explore the ghosts, haunts, monsters, and more urban & rural legends from across the world and across cultures, and we tell our own, original horror stories based on th…
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SCARY STORY: Crybaby Bridge - A Haunted Bridge Horror
18:46
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Sam tries to salvage what little good came of a terrible day, when tragedy strikes, and she finds herself stranded, alone and injured, on a lonely country road at midnight. Unbeknownst to her, this road includes the legendary Crybaby Bridge, home to countless stories of ghost encounters and the disembodied wails of a long lost child, and she is unw…
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Amanda is joined by Kevin and Jessica to explore a widespread local legend, Crybaby Bridge, a frequent phenomenon involving the phantasmic crying of a baby beneath a bridge where some storied tragedy was inflicted on an infant at some point in history. You know the story, you may even have a Crybaby Bridge in your own town. We explore the array of …
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SCARY STORY: Santa's Workshop - A Christmas Horror
25:13
25:13
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Chronic underachiever, Larry Van Camp, lives vicariously through the films he watches as a theater projectionist. An odd job and a heavy discussion of a Stanley Kubrick film lead him to a film shoot with a deranged department store Santa, and what follows is far more terrifying than any midnight movie he could have ever imagined. *Santa's Workshop …
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STORY COMMENTARY: On the Porch Swing - The Air Sho
21:37
21:37
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Host Jessica Hinds talks with Ain't No Such Thing narrator and producer, Amanda Rachels, and writer, Kevin LaPorte, about our original horror story, The Air Sho. This story takes us to an abandoned drive in movie lot that isn't as dead as it seems in the wee hours of the morning. We discuss our own drive-in experiences, nerd out over movies, and di…
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SCARY STORY: The Air Sho - A Haunting at a Drive-In Movie Theater
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In the early 1990's, a troubled teen joined in the vandalism of a defunct drive-in but encountered there a seeming innocent inexplicably abandoned to the spooky old place. Could he forget his rage long enough to help someone in a situation worse even than his own? Would he even want to? And, if so, why? The answers are all here, in our feature pres…
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STORY COMMENTARY: On the Porch Swing - The Golden Arm
19:18
19:18
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Host Jessica Hinds talks with Ain't No Such Thing narrator and producer, Amanda Rachels, and writer, Kevin LaPorte, about our original horror story based on the classic scary story, The Golden Arm. This story has been told for literally centuries, including iterations by such luminaries as Mark Twain and Andy Griffith, and we had a blast putting ou…
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SCARY STORY: The Golden Arm - A Classic Resurrection Horror
19:42
19:42
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A modern take on the timeless scary story adapted by storytellers, including Mark Twain, across the centuries. A greedy fellow digs up his dead wife's corpse to steal back her golden prosthetic arm. In this new take, the arm is a piece of cutting edge technology, and the husband's desire for it transcends financial greed. But even death cannot prev…
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STORY COMMENTARY: On the Porch Swing - The Flood
25:44
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We talk the inspirations and real facts behind The Flood, our second full story released a week prior. What are its connections to The Baptist? Are there elements of real cults in the story? Why Elvis? (WHY THE HELL NOT???) NOTE: THIS EPISODE CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR THE FLOOD. Get the low-down on the Ain't No Such Thing release schedule beginni…
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SCARY STORY: The Baptist II - The Flood - A Cult Kidnapping Horror
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Young Melody Landover just wanted to listen to her Elvis record and live the carefree life of a teenager in the early 1960's. She was one of the lucky ones at her north Alabama church to avoid kidnapping by their fanatical preacher before he was caught and imprisoned. As that old church, and the whole town around it, were about to be flooded to cre…
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STORY COMMENTARY: On the Porch Swing - The Baptist
23:11
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Host Jessica Hinds talks with Ain't No Such Thing narrator and producer, Amanda Rachels, and writer, Kevin LaPorte, about the new podcast and our first original horror story, The Baptist. Why are we doing this podcast? What's the deal? What can you expect? What was the inspiration for The Baptist? What is the meaning of life? It's all in here! PLUS…
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