A weekly Criminal Minds Podcast - Hosted by Ronnie & Jazz
…
continue reading
A Criminal Minds rewatch/recap podcast.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 300: Piran-haha
1:21:00
1:21:00
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:21:00
It's episode 300, something neither of the hosts recognized while recording, so prepare to be disappointed if you're expecting fanfare. What do we have? Well, there's a guy melting dudes in his basement. You know shit is real when the episode begins with a "Viewer discretion is advised" screen. What else happens? Oh yeah, convicted felon Felicity H…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 299: Episode 420
1:42:55
1:42:55
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:42:55
JJ and Prentiss get high in "Message in a Bottle", one of the dumbest hours this show has ever delivered us. Not since "Eyes Wide Shut" has marijuana been portrayed so poorly. But at least there's other plot, such as Tyler running afoul of an ex-girlfriend and David Rossi cleaning a gun.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 298: The History of Quibi
1:36:07
1:36:07
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:36:07
Jazz is sick (again), explaining the delay in the DTP spigot. Fear not, though, the boys are back and ready to talk about "Conspiracy vs. Theory", the halfway point of Season 17 of Criminal Minds. Psycho Pete returns, Voit joins some sort of Suicide Squad, Politico cares about Paget Brewster beating up Paul F. Tompkins, and Ronnie finds a new favor…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 297: Dried Up, Tied and Dead to the World
1:38:27
1:38:27
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:38:27
Eyes are still being taken out in "Kingdom of the Blind", episode 4 of the interminable slog that is Criminal Minds: Evolution: Season 2. This time the enucleator draws little tattoos on herself after committing the act, like Mr. Zsasz. Unlike Mr. Zsasz, nobody even approaching Alan Grant or Norm Breyfogle's talent level is working on this shit. Al…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 296: Waifu Reid
1:31:38
1:31:38
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:31:38
Remember when Voit whispered something to Alvez and it pissed him off something fierce? Well, we find out what it is and it involves porn. Of the BAU. Rossi steamrolling Elle Greenaway while Reid wanks off in the corner. Presumably. There's also a guy who kills people on moving day. As someone who's moved multiple times in their life, being murdere…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 295: The Dope Show
2:25:25
2:25:25
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
2:25:25
They said it couldn't be done. Yes, it's TWO Criminal Minds recaps in one podcast! Ronnie and Jazz burned the midday oil for YOU, the listener, so YOU could be up to date on the comings and goings of the BAU in Season 17: Evolution 2: Electric Boogaloo. Sicarius the serial killer is in custody, Director Richard Schiff (now regenerated into looking …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 294: Goobers for Gubler
1:26:21
1:26:21
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:26:21
Send in the clowns! Yes, Virginia, Criminal Minds did a fucking clown episode, and it's spectacular. Or stupid. One of those. A clown is killing men and leaving the kids alone, reversing the Pennywise paradigm popularized in Stephen King's child pornography book. What results is a cautionary tale about the death of the American Dream as it pertains…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 293: Good Grief
1:23:55
1:23:55
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:23:55
Gubler Month continues with "Alchemy", a not very subtle episode that depicts different kinds of grief. One kind kills men in some ill-fated fertility experiment. The other involves dancing inside your own mind.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 292: Bud Cort
1:10:02
1:10:02
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:10:02
This week: child abduction! Sparkle Motion from Donnie Darko and Bud Cort take kids from carnivals and do...something to them. Not what you think, though! Also: Ann Cusack overcomes a drinking problem and Morgan acts like a dick. "Mosley Lane", everyone! Directed by the Gube himself.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 291: Cradle 2 Tha Grave
1:11:36
1:11:36
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:11:36
In "Cradle to Grave", some guy is forcing women to bear his child in a sexual dungeon. Just as important is Hotch training Morgan to take his job now that he's too Reaper-spooked to do it effectively. Season 5, y'all.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 290: More Like The Food Replicator
1:25:37
1:25:37
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:25:37
In "The Replicator", the Replicator finally stands revealed. Is it disappointing? You better BELIEVE IT.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 289: Hermanos
1:21:46
1:21:46
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:21:46
This week Hotch has to bail his shitbag brother out of trouble as he's involved in some tainted wine scandal. Look, the only reason we're doing "Brothers Hotchner" is it leads directly into the Season 8 finale that botches the Replicator overarching storyline. Get ready for a lot of eye bleeding.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 288: Nursing A Grudge
1:14:02
1:14:02
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:14:02
The Replicator "saga" kicks into high gear with "Carbon Copy", a case about a guy killing nurses and removing their eyelids...replicating the very signature of the blood painting guy from last episode. Zugs get zwanged, Scott Grimes shows up and Criminal Minds proves that the wrongly accused are just criminals that haven't committed crimes yet. All…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 287: #notalljanitors
1:27:10
1:27:10
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:27:10
Leap into Season 8 with "Magnum Opus", an episode about Reid grieving his fake phone girlfriend getting real murdered by Dawn from Buffy the best way he knows how: by solving a serial case that may or may not involve a vampire. All the team knows is somebody in San Francisco is killing people, draining their blood and cutting off their eyelids. Wil…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 286: Odo!
1:40:57
1:40:57
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:40:57
To Season 7 we go with "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy", which is about a mass suicide at a military academy run by the guy who played Odo on Star Trek. There's some bullying involved, but surprisingly no child molestation, so credit to Criminal Minds. This one is loose so buckle in!
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
57:32
57:32
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
57:32
Bustin' makes me feel vaguely depressed! Ronnie and Jazz suffer through the fifth Ghostbusters movie, which has like five jokes in it. Why is there a talking ghost girl, and why are the ramifications of that swept aside in favor of an undercooked lesbian coming of age subplot? Does Bill Murray actively want to die every moment he's on screen? Why d…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 285: Courtney
1:33:14
1:33:14
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:33:14
Season 14 is over...for now. "Sick and Evil" is about haunted houses, a woman heavily invested in her Maine town's "lore" (don't CALL IT THAT), and Rossi still smarts from getting his ass kicked by the Chameleon. More slop from the CBS trough that your inteprid hosts have to pore through for the sake of comedy. What a world.…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 284: Lookbook
1:21:49
1:21:49
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:21:49
In "Ashley", misbegotten main character Ashley Seaver does NOT return. Instead it's some missing child Season 14 bullshit. Ah, c'est la vie.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 283: The Twenty Seven Club
1:20:02
1:20:02
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:20:02
Season 14 rolls on with "Twenty Seven", an episode about machete murders in DC that occur every 27 minutes. Is it stupid or is someone trying to make a dumbass point? Both! Meanwhile, Prentiss gets the least charismatic love interest ever. Good thing we cover these out of order so we already know this romance ultimately goes nowhere. MENDOZA!!!!! (…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Madame Web
1:56:15
1:56:15
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:56:15
It's time to stare at the sun, by which we mean return to watching Sony's Spider-Man without Spider-Man movies.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 282: Another Evil Kid
1:25:30
1:25:30
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:25:30
I guess the episode title spoils the twist. Oops. Otherwise it's a pretty typical Criminal Minds episode, which is to say it's not good. And there's a Garcia subplot. Why even live anymore.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 281: The Seed of Simmons
1:12:24
1:12:24
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:12:24
Season 14 slog continues on with "Rule 34", which, yes, we get it. It's terrible but we get it. Somebody is sending body parts in the mail to random women and if you guessed a predatory homosexual was behind it, congratulations. Also, one of Simmons' 17 kids gets in trouble at school and who could possibly care. It's another week in the mines for y…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 280: Mummy Mommy
1:28:20
1:28:20
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:28:20
In Season 14's "Starter Home" a young couple finds mummified bodies in their walls. This looks like a job for the BAU! Joe Mantegna and the gang unwrap a tedious tale of teen rebellion, arrested development, undelivered mail and more. Also, Joe Mantegna sees if his ex-wife's daughter's new boyfriend is a serial killer or not. You'll be pleasantly s…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 279: Nebraska
1:25:33
1:25:33
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:25:33
In "Safe Haven", apparently you can drop off anybody under 18 at a hospital in Nebraska and they just have to deal with it. That plus Morgan has to deal with a nine year old who scammed her way across America. Criminal Minds was running on fumes even by Season 6, folks.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 278: With Apologies to Leonard Cohen
1:19:40
1:19:40
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:19:40
"The Longest Night" finishes off Tim Curry and starts off Season 6. Morgan gets angry! JJ becomes a hostage negotiator! More closeups of dirty teeth! It's a scene, man.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 277: Crackspiration
1:18:24
1:18:24
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:18:24
The boys are back in 2024, ready to discuss Criminal Minds again. This time it's "Our Darkest Hour", aka the one about Tim Curry driving around in an RV and smoking crack. Will The Prince of Darkness, as he's called, beguile our heroes or will he just kill some nobodies while Leonard Cohen songs play? As always, listen to the pod to find out.…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Angels in the Infield
2:08:27
2:08:27
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
2:08:27
Happy 2024!
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Angels in the Endzone
1:44:29
1:44:29
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:44:29
AKA The Christmas Eve Miracle.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Angels in the Outfield
2:02:13
2:02:13
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
2:02:13
Because of a promise made in haste a year ago that somehow came to anything, for the next three episodes Ronnie and Jazz will be reviewing the saddest of all trilogies, the Angels in the Outfield series. This first one has FOUR Oscar winners, not that you could tell by their performances. Listen to the boys rag on child actors, muse over "Ranch Wil…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 276: As-Mer (feat. Dr. Daniel Daughhetee)
1:32:01
1:32:01
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:32:01
Dr. Daniel Daughhetee joins the Five Timers Club as he and Ronnie dissect "Hamelin", a Season 14 episode of Criminal Minds that reimagines the Pied Piper into something even dumber. JJ reconnects with her mom, the BAU is basically useless and the episode makes the case that the worst thing that can happen to a kid is to be wrongly teased that his d…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 275: Where's Wallace?
1:12:55
1:12:55
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:12:55
Where is Wallace indeed. He's in "The Inspired", the not very inspired second part of the Season 9 premiere.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 274: Twinsies
1:22:07
1:22:07
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:22:07
Part one of a really, really dumb two parter.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 273: Feeling Like A Black Duck
1:11:11
1:11:11
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:11:11
Two-Parter Madness continues (yes it's another theme) with our take on "Memoriam". Is Reid's dad as fascinating as you'd think? No, of course not. Is he a child molester? Find out by listening to Deliver The Profile.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 272: Our Christmas Episode
1:02:30
1:02:30
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:02:30
In what may be the podcast's shortest episode yet outside of those weird early installments, this one takes on "The Instincts", part one of a boring two parter that's mainly about Reid's dreams. Child abduction too but mostly Reid's dreams. Speaking of, REED Diamond is in "The Instincts" playing a concerned father. Remember The Shield? Hell, rememb…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 271: Seven Years of Sobriety
1:19:47
1:19:47
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:19:47
To celebrate Ronnie staying sober for seven years, the boys 'treat' themselves to a Season 1 episode, "Machismo".
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 270: We're Done With Season 12
1:07:26
1:07:26
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:07:26
"Seek and Destroy" is boring as shit, but at least it marks the end of our coverage of Season 12. It's a home invasion one, everybody knows home invasion ones suck.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 269: Mindswitchin'
1:26:30
1:26:30
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:26:30
Mr. Scratch brainwashes a guy to think he's Aisha Tyler's brother. Your guess is as good as ours.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Talkin' 'Bout Turtles 6: Mutant Mayhem
3:15:47
3:15:47
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
3:15:47
It's here! The podcast of the summer is here...in late August. The boys convene to discuss Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem, the film that dares to use the same word twice in its title. How disgusting is it? Why does Donatello sound like he's 5? How does Seth Rogen get away with whitewashing Bebop? Mutant Mayhem raises a lot of questions…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 268: Killer Epp (with Dr. Daniel Daughhetee)
1:18:21
1:18:21
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:18:21
To discuss America's love affair with drone warfare as depicted in the Criminal Minds episode "Killer App", we once again turn to Thrawnderdome's Daniel Daughhetee.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 267: Underground Babyroad
1:18:07
1:18:07
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:18:07
It's another Deliver The Profile. This time somebody's hot for teacher in "I Love You, Tommy Brown" as Teri Polo seeks to reunite her felony-riddled family. It's more Season 7 garbage.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 266: The Audacity of Hope
1:19:12
1:19:12
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:19:12
Another episode of Deliver The Profile. This is the skeeziest episode yet if you can make such a claim.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 265: Everyone I Love is Dead
1:16:50
1:16:50
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:16:50
Rossi grapples with his ex-wife's mortality as the team grapples with a guy drowning and resuscitating his victims in "Epilogue". Also during the show, Ronnie and Jazz briefly review Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny and talk about how night fishing is grade A loser behavior.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 264: mother!
1:21:27
1:21:27
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:21:27
Ronnie and Jazz confronts bad mothers on "From Childhood's Hour", another Season 7 episode of Criminal Minds. There's really not a lot to this one besides Rossi reconnecting with his first ex-wife. Do we get to see some old people sex? Listen to the episode to find out.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 263: (Not) Alan Moore's Top Ten
1:13:11
1:13:11
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:13:11
It's the school shooting episode of the show. "Painless" also involves an unsub who feels no pain. Why these two plotlines were conjoined is beyond the hosts. "Season 7, eh, whatever" summer continues apace.
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Transformers: Rise of the Beasts
2:14:20
2:14:20
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
2:14:20
The boys discuss the furrytastic new Transformers, Rise of the Beasts. Do the beasts rise or do they not? Does this belong in the canon of classic Brooklyn films? Is this superior to the Michael Bay movies or not? All these questions and more will be answered in the two plus hours Ronnie and Jazz expend on this thing.…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 262: David Rossi's Punch-Out
1:22:01
1:22:01
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:22:01
Take out your gloves and start pounding a slab of meat because it's a boxing episode! In "The Bittersweet Science" some guy is going around beating people to death because he could've been a contender, or his son is dying, or something. Charles S. Dutton guest stars in the episode. It's Season 7. It's terrible. You know the drill by now.…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 261: Trump 2016 Campaign Ad
1:28:06
1:28:06
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:28:06
Race war! It's race war time as the BAU goes to San Bernardino to investigate a series of home invasions that seem to be racially-motivated. What does the dipstick who directed Atlas Shrugged Part 1 have to do with this? It's exploitative, racially dicey--it's Criminal Minds all right. It is disquieting how this episode echoes the racial grievance …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 260: Sgt. Party
1:35:28
1:35:28
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:35:28
Ronnie is actually enthusiastic for once. He's on drugs in case you wanted an explanation. It sure has nothing to do with "Middle Man" itself, a miserable torture porn excursion smack dab in the middle of Season 6 that pits a lone exotic dancer against a coterie of rapist dipshits, one of whom was a Seann William Scott relative in an American Pie d…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 259: Gone Gideon Gone
1:18:38
1:18:38
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:18:38
Back to early days with Season 3's "Scared to Death", Ronnie and Jazz chat about a Scarecrow unsub who precedes the literal Scarecrow unsub on the show. As the podcast title indicates, Mandy Patinkin's Gideon has just departed the show and a decent part of this hour is the show dealing with his absence. Ultimately, though, no actor is bigger than t…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Deliver The Profile Episode 258: St. Patrick's Day IV: The Return of Danny Murphy
1:15:26
1:15:26
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:15:26
Back to business as usual as Ronnie and Jazz delve into "A Shade of Gray", one of the rare killer kid episodes. Witness Fake Kyle Chandler's bullshit plan! Listen to the boys do offensive Irish accents for most of the podcast. Hear them posit an altogether better slasher franchise than Halloween. Most of all, be happy everyone's back on their Crimi…
…
continue reading