Jef and Jon review movies by randomly rolling on an audience-submitted list.
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A movie that tries to be about two bumbling idiot heroes in the vein of Bill & Ted or Dude Where's My Car but has none of the charm, earnestness, or humor that make those work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Cool Cat Saves the Kids (2015)
1:19:49
1:19:49
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1:19:49
This is the type of kid's movie that isn't just bad because it's low quality schlock but also because all the advice it's supposed to be giving to kids is actively detrimental. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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A movie that seems by all measures to be one thing ends up being something else entirely. While not exactly a masterpiece because some glaring issues, this might be one of the few 70's movies we've watched we didn't hate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Tower of Terror (1997)
1:17:55
1:17:55
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1:17:55
Based on the Disney ride of the same name, this made for TV movie is desperately trying to not be scary. Or interesting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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An otherwise decent heist movie that gets dragged down by some bad choices on CGI and presentation that could have easily been reworked. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
1:17:13
1:17:13
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1:17:13
A 70's horror film that was mostly forgotten because even with a premise that seems like it should be wildly memorable, the entire thing is about as interesting as someone describing paint drying. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Hard Rock Zombies (1984)
1:15:22
1:15:22
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1:15:22
A literal afterthought of a movie that manages to survive mostly on being so weird that you can almost ignore how bad and boring it is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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It's another Full Moon Features picture which means low budget kills and the absolute bare minimum of thrills. Unless you find extremely slow back-and-forth reaction shots between actors and puppets thrilling, in which case you might want to pace yourself on this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices…
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Movie Mastery - The Stolen Princess (2018)
1:19:34
1:19:34
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1:19:34
Not every cartoon movie funded by a country can be as absolutely bonkers as Sir Billi or Millionaire Dogs. Sometimes you just get a mid Shrek/Disney pastiche. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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As requested, we are doing the follow up to the Madame Web watch with a look back at the first sign that maybe Sony just doesn't know what the hell it's doing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - In Theaters Now: Madame Web
1:27:21
1:27:21
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1:27:21
Can this movie truly be as bad as they say? Do we have another Morbius? Can we convince them to release this again in a couple months? One of these questions answered and more in the triumphant return of In Theaters Now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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A trip to the seedy sky of the crime world where the most hardened criminals can gamble on the most degenerate games like *checks notes* Texas Hold-em. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Bulletproof Monk (2003)
1:13:56
1:13:56
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1:13:56
Chow Yun-fat teaches Seann William Scott that wuxia style martial arts is all about believing in yourself or whatever but it's fine since the movie is really about punching Nazis. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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In a hard turn from the original movie that was about the acceptance of loss and moving on from grief, this movie is about how dynastic corporate wealth is a good thing, actually. And it's a Christmas movie! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Christmas Icetastrophe (2014)
1:27:22
1:27:22
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1:27:22
A SyFy Original TV movie where an asteroid freezes everything around it and also it's Christmas time. I don't know, I let Jef pick this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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A movie about a man willing to commit several major felonies and some light murder just so his family doesn't have to move from their home to an apartment. Dude loves him some suburbs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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You'll come to see Ray Wise be a manic sex pest and then stay because you already turned it on and it would be effort to put on something else. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - The Covenant (2006)
1:14:41
1:14:41
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1:14:41
A movie about how rich, old money white men can do whatever they want and if anyone tries to stop them, they're the bad guy. Also magic or something. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Blood and Donuts (1995)
1:10:23
1:10:23
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1:10:23
I guess the idea that being a vampire might not be great was novel in Canada in the 90's because this movie really focuses exclusively on that like it was going to blow your mind. It then does absolutely nothing else with its runtime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (1952)
1:05:17
1:05:17
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1:05:17
A knock-off Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis drag poor Bela Lugosi on screen to be as unlikeable as possible at him. Eventually, there is a gorilla. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)
1:17:25
1:17:25
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1:17:25
Nic Cage in a movie that seemed to be tailor made to have Nic Cage in it while simultaneously unsure of what to do with him. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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A stoner horror movie that doesn't attempt to even remotely be scary but also doesn't lean into the stoner comedy aspect either. Just a big pile of nothing that wastes everybody's time. Just like us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Sinister Squad (2016)
1:13:25
1:13:25
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1:13:25
A cash grab mockbuster of Suicide Squad about fairy tale villains fighting against the forces of Death. A sentence that makes this absolute boring turd sound way more interesting than it is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - War-Gods of the Deep
1:17:25
1:17:25
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1:17:25
The UK tries to get in on the Corman trend of using Vincent Price in Edgar Allan Poe movies but messes it up so badly that it is almost impressive. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Warriors of Virtue (1997)
1:27:39
1:27:39
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1:27:39
Trying to cash in on the Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers but having none of the charm and fun that made those work. With special guest James D'Amato! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Cats Don't Dance (1997)
1:25:11
1:25:11
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We just keep randomly getting animated movies for some reason. Blessedly, this one is not a low budget European turd but a fairly decent high budget one that got no promotion and nobody heard of. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Millionaire Dogs (1999)
1:28:28
1:28:28
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A German animated film about the dangers of wealth and the corruption of morality. Just kidding. Some dogs get a mansion and then do a Home Alone on some truly grotesque bad guys. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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The final film from beloved actor Sean Connery and the first feature length animated film from Scotland. It is also so bafflingly terrible that Jon kind of lost his mind while trying to review it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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The cult classic fantasy/action/sci-fi film that that had some awesome ideas and also some poor execution. At least we get a young Liam Neeson that just looks happy to be there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Robin-B-Hood (2006)
1:16:39
1:16:39
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1:16:39
We take a look at a Jackie Chan movie that revolves around two professional thieves that become unlikely parents when they steal a baby. Hijinks but definitely not enjoyment ensues. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - The Ice Pirates (1984)
1:17:37
1:17:37
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1:17:37
A swashbuckling, fantasy, space opera, comedy that fails to effectively be any of those things. But hey, it's got a young Ron Perlman and Anjelica Huston. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)
1:22:09
1:22:09
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1:22:09
Godzilla runs a victory lap around all of his various kaiju nemeses in this 50th anniversary film. Plus some added in aliens, mutants, and Mayor Hagar from Final Fight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery - Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014)
1:28:09
1:28:09
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1:28:09
A Batman movie with almost no Batman. This is an animated Suicide Squad film where they got to imply some nudity and they took full advantage of it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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I thought when we rolled into getting to watch a Richard Pryor film that it would be a nice treat. It was, sadly, not. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Dolph Lundgren in a movie that tries to blend medieval fantasy with modern warfare and ends up being mostly back and forth shots of people pretending to shoot guns and then falling down but some of them wear jerkins, I guess. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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The old random number generator has really been punishing us the past few episodes and the hits just keep on comin. At least it isn't Baby Ghost. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Chuck Steel: Night of the Trampires (2018)
1:10:59
1:10:59
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1:10:59
We look at a claymation satire of the 80's cop films that manages to be mostly preachy about how therapy turns you into less of a man. You can imagine we have opinions on this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Martin Sheen has a little brother and he apparently was cursed by a witch to never be able to turn down a movie. And boy does this technically, barely count as a movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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A movie that makes fun of the hypocrisy of the Christian faith's message and the actions their followers take. Definitely not going to get in trouble for anything we say during this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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I fucked up and made Jef watch a halfway decent movie from the Halloween series instead of one of the absolute trash ones that come before and after this one. My apologies to the audience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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A movie that takes itself far too seriously given that it is on the level of Underworld fan fiction. Maybe lean into the fact that your story is goofy as fuck. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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The story of Aladdin as a musical brought to you by Disney. Not the animated classic, the live action one. No, not the new live action one, the one from 1990. Yeah, the shitty one. That one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1995)
1:22:52
1:22:52
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1:22:52
It’s Horrortoberfest and that means I get to force Jef to watch a dumb horror movie and I timed this one to coincide with one of the worst franchise horror films around. Aint I a stinker? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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A sequel of sorts to the excellent A Goofy Movie, this film sees Max going off to college. This is such a big life change that the characters all seem to suddenly stop acting like they used to and mostly being unlikable idiots/assholes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery – Barbarian Queen (1985)
1:11:01
1:11:01
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1:11:01
Part of the larger “Roger Corman goes to Argentina” Cinematic Universe. Just be aware, this one has a lot of rape in it and is deeply uncomfortable to watch. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Netflix’s first attempt at making a blockbuster film is mostly fantasy racism and copaganda set in a world where they didn’t spend more than minute thinking about world building and the implications of the setting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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The movie that fools you twice. Once by making you assume there is going to be way too much Chris Kattan when he’s hardly in it and then fooling you again by making it so that Chris Kattan is actually the best part of the movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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This movie has famously been mocked for being awful ever since it first came out and was nominated for two different bad movie awards. But, does it deserve the hate or is there something here worth watching? Let’s find out together, shall we? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices…
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Movie Mastery – McCinsey’s Island (1998)
1:22:49
1:22:49
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1:22:49
What starts out seeming like a standard Hulk Hogan action movie, quickly devolves into a strange, dreamlike comedy with cartoonish characters and a nonsensical plot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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Movie Mastery – Snakes on a Plane (2006)
1:21:57
1:21:57
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1:21:57
We aren’t reviewing Morbius (yet) but how about another movie that decided to try to lean into the memes and then didn’t make any money because it turns out memes aren’t actually worth anything. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor
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