The final one of 2023 and it's a doozy. The Princess Switch is a cinnamon sprinkled malarial dream and no mistake. It takes all the best bits of Trading Places and Comedy of Errors and completely ignores them. It glorifies all monarchies like all of these f***ing things do, and reminds us all that all you need to do to find the one, is to start pro…

That's better! Proper Hallmark nonsense. Never before has a movie had lower stakes. It's your classic boy meets girl, boy gets girls... that's it. Set in smalltown USA, we felt absolutely back home here after the car crash that was Christmas on Mistletoe Farm. Support the showBy Conal Deeney & Joe Deeney

Prepare yourselves... For something so foul it sends zombies back into the ground, vampires back to their coffins, and Frankensteins back to their labs. This. Is. Mistletoe. Farm. Easily the worst film we've ever reviewed/seen. Seriously, we dare you... we DARE you to watch this abomination. It ruined films for the both of us and now we only watch …

This film is great. Yeah, we're shocked too. The world's best handsome writer has a mum that's dead now and meets a lady who's mum isn't dead but it feels like it. They fall in love and its genuinely touching. Join two men gushing over a Hallmark romcom. Support the showBy Conal Deeney & Joe Deeney

Netflix describes this movie as "feel good". Don't believe them as you won't feel ANYTHING. A Christmas Chronicle was the vanguard of the Netflix Christmas vehicle that spawned two sequels. TWO! It's trash. If you like Kurt Russell so much you'll watch anything with him in it; even Escape from LA, even Deathproof, even Crypto... Id' still recommend…

It's Christmas time, that means it's time to delve into the Netflix Christmas Universe and this time we've gone for the big one: A Christmas Prince. Do you like vague European monarchies? Have you ever posed as a personal tutor to get a scoop for a magazine? Have you never heard of Aldovia either? If the answer to any of those questions is "yes", t…

We know, we know. It's been an embarrassingly long time, but we're back now. Shut up! In this, the last episode of the series, we look at something very close to our hearts and our new branding: brothers. So many good brothers: the Marxes, the Kemps, them Roman ones that drank off a wolf. Add to that list the brothers Deeney and we've got ourselves…

We're back (sorry about the delay) for the penultimate episode of the series and what a ride it has been. This time the Brothers Deeney turn their hand to the wonderful world of weird animals. These aren't the one you'll see on a family crest (even though Deeney has a snake on its crest. Fact.). These are the animals you have to call a professional…

Grandma we love you. And we really do. Pack your pyjamas in a bag, you're staying at your nanna's tonight. Grandmas are an amazing, often patronised group that pass on their invaluable wisdom for no fee other than a wrinkly kiss upon parting. Without grandmas we wouldn't be, and we're eternally grateful for that. Ignore the weird political beliefs …

What's scarier than being away for six weeks? Nothing, that's what. Yes, we're back and scarier than ever with a whole 50+ minutes dedicated to all the scariest stuff. Heights, spiders, confidend spaces, the number 13, and even spoons. It seems like there's a phobia for everything. One thing you shouldn't be afriad of though, is supporting us on Pa…

Last one! Thank fuck for that. Lindsay Lohan sees us through to the day itself with a bawdy romp through actual snow with an INSUFFERABLE fiancee and a heart of gold.. after she gets knocked out by skiing. Again, this is a 50/50 split: Conal and Lizzy love it, Joe and Sazzie... well they think differently. It's shit. This is Joe, hello! Thanks ever…

This is the best one. Best film, best episode. Do you like your dialog hokey? How about your characters annoying? And your plot somehow predictable and a total mess? Well have we got a Christmas detour for you! Join us as we go on the magical journey of Paige, a wedding magazine writer and professional lunatic who travels across country with Dylan,…

Hellooooooo and welcome to the bonnie Highlands where the water flows like whiskey or something. Yeah, we're giving A Castle for Christmas both barrels in this episode. Joe and Sazzie liked it, Lizzy and Conal did not. What a gang of mates we are. I think we've all lost the ability to judge films correctly. It's better than Scarface. Support the sh…

We are a real American. Yeah, Hulk Hogan did an ill-advised Christmas film in 1996 and it's... well, you know the drill. It's nastier than the Nasty Boys; wackier than the Bushwackers; papper than Papa Shango. If you don't listen to this episode, you might accidentally watch it and then it's not our fault. We have warned you. I mean, this film real…

Oh Dolly... Dolly Dolly Dolly. What's going on, mate? The Bridge is one of the best songs ever written. Christmas on the Square is utter utter dogshit. Seriously, this film is bad. So bad, Conal couldn't face the last six minutes of it. Listen to this podcast, but please, please don't watch this film. Replicate the experience by eating a poundshop …

Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a man that works so hard selling mattresses or something that he forgets he has a kid that's Anakin Skywalker and is strongarmed by Tom Hanks's wife to find the hottest toy on the market on Christmas Eve. Should be the recipe for some side-splitting Christmas hijinx, no? No. It isn't. It's really bad. I mean, this film h…

Beyond the rubble we can see the lesser-hair Northerner. One of the slower members of the hominid family, but nonetheless, quite remarkable. If you don't like David Attenborough, that's not David Attenborough's fault. Here we take a dive into the unpolluted pool that is the national treasure himself, the king of the jungle, it's Richard Attenboroug…

Book of Nowt, Book of Nowt, riding through the glen. Book of Nowt, Book of Nowt with two ageing men. Steal from the rich, the Patreon route. Book of Nowt, Book of Nowt, Book of Nowt. Welcome Merrie Men to the Sherwood Forest of the podosphere where we search for the legend that is the Robin Hood myth. Its origins are shrouded in mystery, but it has…

Alrite cowardly argonauts, take a bite our of this MASSIVE podcast sandwaich. Scooby Doo is a much-loved and much-notverygood cartoon from ages ago that's still limping along to this day. It's got Scooby, a big dog that is too motivated by food and isn't funny; Shaggy, a pot head deadbeat that isn't funny; Velma, a smug nerd that isn't funny; Daphn…

For the first time, the Brothers Deeney can speak on a topic with some authority! Accepting baldness is a depressing but also life-affirming part of anyone's life, but the Joe, Conal, and to a lesser degree Sazzie (aka the best afro in South London) are here to give you the guidance necessary to live the fullest life looking a bit daft. We cover ba…

Up next, we have Joe and Conal singing "The Book of Nowt". Karaoke, the fear-inducing, king-making, night-ruining silliness from Japan that we all secretly enormously love. Starting back in 1971, karaoke is now a national pastime and the great equaliser on a night out. We appreciate you all and want nothing but the best for you and your family's fu…

Diane! Twin Peaks. The weirdest, sexiest, funniest, shittest, brilliantest show that's ever been. If you know the program, you should listen to the boys discussing it. If you haven't, you should still listen but you should maybe tell all your friends too. Give yourself a present and listen to our wonderful podcast with a donut and a cup of coffee. …

Drunk for a penny, dead drunk for tuppence! The early 18th century brought a pandemic of addiction amongst the putrid streets of old London Town. William of Orange had become king from the Netherlands and brought with him enough gin to intoxicate a nation. And drunk London was for fifty years! The Brothers Deeney get under the skin on this bizarre …

"I can smile and murder whiles I smile." Another jolly episode of the Book of Nowt, coming at you from a maximum security prison. Two lads lay on the comedy whilst tragedy is all around them. Murder is a horrid thing, but a horrid thing that people seem to absolutely love. Weirdly. Come and join our true crime society whilst we discuss murderers' n…

We. Are. Back. After three long weeks (so long they were about ten actual weeks), the Brothers Deeney return to the podosphere to chew the fat on the hot-potch majesty that is the English Language. We cover everything from spelling reform, to language history, to favourite words, to Conal not liking asking people how they are, to even inventing our…

The last episode of the season is celebrated with one of the most used storytelling tropes. But is it used because it's good or because it's easy? Well... it's a bit of both. But do listen even though I've told you the ending. Conal gets annoyed at toilet attendants, Joe is delighted he has a break. We've had a blast working on this season but this…

Fancy walking around commercial hell all day on a busy Saturday? Thought not. Why not just listen to this for a bit instead. IKEA is a nightmare of an experience that loads of other people think is really good but it isn't it's a nightmare. Meatballs, blue & yellow, the lights bit... what more could a person ever dream of? We also talk about our to…

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one most adaptable to change” So never said Charles Darwin. It was Leon Megginson. But still, nice quote. Evolution by natural selection was first posited in 1859 in On The Origin of Species, and has been a controversial topic since. Not sure why... becasue i…

We did a game show episode. In The Rating Game, Conal and Joe must convince Sazzie as to their nomination for the most overrated and underrated thing in each category. We had a jolly good time making it, but it might be self indulgent crap. You be the judge. Support the showBy Conal Deeney & Joe Deeney & Sazzie Kluvitse

Inside my shell I wait and bleed... or something. Remember Y2K? Remember pierced eyebrows? Remember moshing to Alien Ant Farm at Leeds Festival 2001? Yeah, it was rubbish. Here, we take to pieces a genre much-forgotten. A genre of skate parks and baggy jeans; turntable scratches and frosted tips; Durst and Levigne. Yeah, we aren't fans, but we reme…

No stooges were used in the making of this podcast. How good is Derren Brown though? He goes out there, gets inside people's heads, and leaves without making a mess. We cover all the main topics of the big man's career: prediciting lottery numbers, heists, and when our mate Kez was nearly hypnotised by a dog. Conal's been poorly with norovirus... y…

We came here for a shootout! The Kray Twins terrorised the London clubland of the 50s and 60s, bullying gangster kingpin and innocent civiliant alike. They used fear, intimidation, violence, and charm as their primary weapons, but won court cases againt the police, so the public loved them. Weird innit. Joe and Conal are just hoping that David Bail…

Barcelonaaaaaaa... such a beautiful horizon. Rubbish song, charming city. Barcelona is one of the shining lights of European human settlements. A thriving hub of culture, quisine, architecture, history, and sport... but all the songs called Barcelona are still trash. Most importantly though, the Brothers Deeney discuss those little statues of men i…

It's not you, it's us. The best podcast talks about the worst feeling. You love someone to death, but they're keen to move on. None of us want it, but without it music would just be lift music. We indulge in all manner of anecdotes and opinions of love's turbulent meanderings. Conal gives us his history of ghosting and Joe regales a poem he wrote w…

1991. One year higher than 1990, but a million times more valuable. This was the year of Desert Storm, Grunge, Rodney King, doing everything for you, Game Boys, and eating people's liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti fefefefe! We go through this year, month by month, and see what it's left in its wake. Join us for fun, friendship, and may…

Chim-chim-cheroo! And here it is... the musical worth watching. Detailing the job of a woman on a zero-hours contract, Mary Poppins has been spellbinding audiences since Beatlemania and shows no signs of a difficult breakup. With a host of talented performers, some much-discussed accents, and a surprisingly lengthy running time, this film is practi…

Na then, yer big duck egg. Frame thi sen an' listen ter' Book ah Naaht. In this little episode we take a world tour of the accents of the English-speaking world. We list our favourites, but not our least because we don't have any because accents are amazing. I like yours the best. Conal reveals he has an excellent, excellent Kiwi voice, and Joe str…

We. Are. Back. This time with a topic right up Joe's street and a tiny little bit up Conal's too. The Roman Empire! We owe them so much, but they were brutal expansionists. Love it or hate it, Ancient Rome is so interesting it makes out heads hurt. Except for laughs, facts, banter, education, reliability, emotional strength, progressive thinging, s…

Last one and this one's a DOOZY! The Holiday. What can we say about this that Noam Chomsky hasn't said a thousand times before? It's long, it's overwritten, it's sentimental, it thinks an awful lot of itself... but it's still better than Love Actually. If you don't like this film, we have four words for you: Law. Diaz. Winslet. Black. Actually, you…

Welcome to Christmas Land. A depressing little hellhole in the middle of nowhere that will judge you no matter the time of year. This is the perfect hallmark film for the ages: a successful woman in the city with a black assistant goes to the small town she grew up in for some reason and is convinced by a local hunk with big hands that the city is …

This film is... surreal. Is it even a film? I mean it's on the telly, under the category "film", but is it? There are arguments and New York and lesbians and priests and baubles and car crashes and angels and dogs and I don't even know anymore. This film is so fucking boring. Our podcast isn't though and it's fair to say we eviscerate it. Also avai…

God rest ye merry gentlemen... if you ever see this film. We really scrape the bottom of the barrel of mulled wine with this one. We can't decide what's worst: the writing, the story, the dialogue, the acting, the cast, the plagiarism, or the font on the poster. Despite being miserable as Santa's funeral watching this, we actually had a jolly good …

We love Christmas, but the people that made "Midnight at the Magnolia" clearly don't as the thing starts on Boxing Day. Downer. This film is a load of old arse and Sazzie Kluvitse, Lizzy Dening, & the boys are in agreement on that. It features boring jazz, running through cobwebs, unhelpful radio call-ins, and two of the smuggest faces in the histo…

In the immortal words of Shakin' Stevens, "Merry Christmas, Everyone!" In this six-part romp we delivery a deserved broadside to some of Netflix's biggest yuletide stinkers. These are: 1. Last Christmas 2. Midnight at the Magnolia 3. A Christmas Break-In 4. A New York Christmas Wedding 5. Christmas Land 6. The Holiday The boys are joined by their e…

They DO move in herds! A podcast 65 million years in the making. That's right, the brothers Deeney are reviewing the greatest film ever made by humans. It came smashing onto our screens in 1993 like a brachiosaurus sneexing all over your sister, and has been shaking our glasses of water ever since. We celebrate Goldblum, Neil, Dern, Attenborough, P…

Is there a greater queen than Cleopatra? Except for Elizabeth I. And Catherine the Great. And Queen Latifa. Written in the annuls of history as humanity's most suductive ruler, we lift the lid on how unfair and nonsense the annuls of history actually are. In her 39 years she did an awful lot of living and we do a really fantastic job of clipping th…

Welcome to the taste of India... and Bangladesh... and Pakistan... and Nepal... Sri Lanka... look loads of places make the divine food known as curry. The Brothers Deeney love them. Every Friday. Manzil. Bottle of Cobra. Garlic naan. Good lord! Tikka masala, korma, bhuna, rogan josh, karahi, pasanda, jalfrezi, biryani... My saliva glands are dancin…

What's that in the water? That thing going up and down and up and down? It's... is that a monster? No, it's the Book of Nowt podcast putting paid to the nonsense that is the Nessie industry. Cute as it is, some poeple take tales of a prehistoric monster secretly populating an Inverness lake very, very seriously. We can be as cynical as we like, but…

Covers used to be the cornerstone of a band's repertoir, now they're seen as a little bit lazy... unless you're sampling. In which case you can steal what you like. In this episode, the lads go to town on the best covers in history. Is it Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley? Tainted Love by Soft Cell? Words by Boyzone? It's none of these. We also address so…

Shut those curtains and shut up because we had a little drink about an hour ago and it's gone right to our heads. Hangovers, eh? Karma? Nature's lesson? A body reacting to being poisoned? Who could possibly know? All we do know is that hangovers are brutal and only get worse with age. There's no known cure, they dominate a weekend, they're horrible…