Romantic Realities: Deconstructing the Romantic Love Myth We dive into the misconceptions of romantic love prevalent in Western culture, drawing on a quote from You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships, by Richard Swartz. Get the book from Internal Family Systems Institute at https://ifs-in…

Listeners are producers. Thank you for getting the show out. I reflect on my own podcast listening: helpful with insomnia, and a lifeline during tough times. Write me here Reading a wide range of listener notes, I respond and explore personal themes: vulnerability thoughts on how to engage usefully with attachment theory, to go looking for the thin…

What we take to be a self is tentative, fictitious, constructed by clinging, a temporary identification with some parts of experience. Self arises, solidifying itself, like ice floating in water. Ice is actually made of the same substance as water. Identification and clinging harden the water into ice. In a similar way, we sense ourself as separate…

Thinking back on favourite films, it becomes clear what they say about us. Cinema, the Psyche, unveiling Inner Heroes It's always therapy and psychoanalysis around here, movies are the vehicle. Favourite films reflect deep psychological themes and evolving personal identities. What we once found aspirational in a character, we might later rethink, …

“I have really found when I look around that the romantic love I see is this ideal, the anima. The anima is the ideal that you carry within yourself that you put onto the different entities out there and you unite with that. Pretty soon you see through the projection. And then what happens?” Transcript: That's Joseph Campbell from an interview he d…

Do most straight men reserve their truest love and romance for other men? Marilyn Frye thinks so, and today we consider a quote from her classic book of feminist essays The Politics of Reality We found ourselves in agreement with Frye's observations. But we debate and detail the angles: Is heterosexual male culture (always) homoerotic? Do men save …

To be a loving person is to wrestle with a profoundly improbable idea: that however modest our position in society might be, however much we may have been maltreated in the past, however mesmerised we are by the deplorable behaviour of powerful individuals, however shy and frail we are, we are constantly capable of causing other people significant …

Moving from Fear, to Joy of Missing Out and beyond both. FOMO arises from projection and fantasy, as does a lot of the imagined enjoyment of the imagined pleasures. We might imagine that: everything we want is outside ourselves pleasure, meaning or peak experiences must be mediated by something: people, substances, or outside events that we have to…

All that is necessary then is to rest undistractedly in the immediate present, in this very instant in time. And if we become drawn away by thoughts, by longings, by hopes and fears, again and again we can return to this present moment. We are here. We are carried off as if by the wind, and as if by the wind, we are brought back. When one thought h…

Is Attachment Theory the new Myers-Briggs? No Is it helping? Yes! Is attachment also about friendship, family and self relationships? Yes! Is it the magic bullet? Kind of, if you study Attachment Styles in depth, and do the work It's The Dance of Attachment in Relationships! In our return to podding for a new season, (sorry to disappear, reasons!!)…

Study envy to find messages from our future selves We unpack the role of envy, not as a toxic emotion to be avoided or ashamed of, but a normal feeling that gives us clues to understanding our unmet desires, unfulfilled potential, and prompting necessary change. envy vs jealousy. Jealousy is possessiveness, envy is wanting what others have, or want…

Neurodivergence, New Years Resolutions, and Future Focus We welcome the New Year by evaluating the usefulness of New Years resolutions sharing the honest struggles we’ve had small triumphs Ali shares her journey to quit smoking and the strategies she employs. a positive version of sunk cost fallacy, where we are motivated to defend small gains and …

Who's Your Guru? (and is Slavoj Žižek any good?) Sam, Joe and Ali discuss gurus, including the online type: our times are thick with public intellectuals, influencers, and self-proclaimed experts Sam's frequent references to Slavoj Žižek, and Joe's conclusion that he doesn't make much sense, and isn't much chop intellectually. Sam on literal guru w…

What Do We Want To Pass On To Our Children? Find out what controversial song was top of Ali's music wrap for the year. Oh, and we delve into parenting: specifically, how should we influence our kids On the Road, Jack Kerouac; Homage to Catalonia, George Orwell; David Bowie all get a mention the influence we want to have, versus what really happens …

Possible triggers. A confronting episode but one we are proud of. Sam, Joe, and Ali explore the impacts, recovery and residues of mental breakdowns. The recent Robbie Williams documentary has kicked off many discussions about mental health Robbie's demeanour on screen reminded Ali of herself. He was had extraordinary energy before his collapse, as …

We explore the experience of identifying as victim, through personal stories and theory, and of course the potential of spirituality and psychotherapy in helping move through, and renounce identities over time. We discuss the dangers of adhering to a single identity label, and the benefit of taking responsibility for our own actions and healing, wh…

Only posting about shit you have personal experience of? Ali explains why white middle class people should maybe shut up. Team discuss different social media platforms and shouting into the void Posting hot photos on Instagram as awareness raising? The power of posting about stuff you have lived experience with. Sam talks about the power of herd ac…

The team discuss a quote from Christian mystic Emmett Fox on grievances: “Going over old grievances mentally, thinking how badly someone acted at some time, for instance, and recalling the details, has the effect of revivifying that which was quietly expiring of neglect.” Joe quotes the cliché that “Having a resentment is like drinking poison and e…

We discuss mental breakdowns: the need we all have occasionally, the experience of it, and the benefits! Joe, Sam and Ali have had at least one menty b each, as many people now call them. An almost loving and affectionate term, which suggests that this process is something we could maybe greet like a friend. However, it can be very frightening, and…

The team discuss the art of letting go of friends. Outgrowing friends or just growing in different directions? Joe says if you start judging friends it’s the beginning of the end. We get into painful friendship break ups. Platonic friendships – are men just biding their time? Sam recalls dating the hottest woman on Brunswick St, just to put it on t…

Sam, Joe and Ali reflect on our experiences in therapy. Sometimes the results seem clear – other times they’re hard to see. All agree it’s important to compare your progress to your past self, not some idealised perfect self. We discuss people who don’t think they need therapy. Ali mentions people who “prefer to work things out themselves”. Sam dis…

We ask if we are willing to compromise to be in a long-term monogamous relationship? Sam discusses how to, whether we need to and to what extent we need to compromise. Ali shares how a lot of women have fallen in love with the idea of being single. We acknowledge all relationships require compromise however can we compromise our values? Can your va…

This week we listened to a Mamamia podcast where Mia Freedman interviews Caitlin Moran on her latest book "What about men?" and discuss our thoughts. We acknowledge we are all victims of the patriarchy, but what tools do men have to help dismantle it? Why don't they identify with feminism and why are the gravitating towards extreme figures? Ali exp…

What are feelpinions? - Ali shares her definition and how she views it through a Dialectical Behavioural lens of logic and emotion. Sam elaborates why all extremes are mutually constitutive and why logic needs emotion and emotion needs logic, Joe however, wants more facts. We ask how do feelpinions affect our day to day? Are they needed to run the …

"The meaning of life" Welcome back Joe and welcome to a new format. Here at the ten thousand things we have decided to tackle the ten thousand things that distract us from loving awareness one thing at a time, so we will now be devoting each episode to one topic where we can really delve into the questions we ask. This week we have TTTT listener Ol…

Something a little different from The Ten Thousand Things, Joe is taking a well deserved break in beautiful Vietnam so Sam and Ali take the opportunity to discuss all things Autism/ADHD through their lived experiences. 1 - How has neurodiversity contributed to our biggest successes and failures? Sam and Ali share how their neurodiversity impacts th…

Self actualisation / non monogamy / Communism 1 - Quotation corner "Ageing is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always thought you should be" David Bowie Ali explains why this quote resonated with her. Sam discusses why finding your medium for expression is so important and Joe shares how he's found contentment through podcas…

Our parent's values / Crying / Jaded dating profiles 1 - How did our parents values shape our own? Ali shares how she's not only grown into her parents' values. Sam explores the dichotomy of how his parents created a culture of questioning in a Hare Krishna environment and Joe shares how his parents politics influenced their values. We also ask whe…

Leaning in, to content, confidence and courage. Do we read books anymore? / How do you rate yourself? / Is spirituality just watered down religion? 1 - Are you a book dragon or a book worm? We ask how in an ever increasing time poor society is there time to read and does it matter what medium and content you're reading? Sam shares why he believes p…

How the language of therapy took over dating / The little things that help / Death 1 - Are we able to diagnose our dates? Should we? Ali discusses if therapists are having proxy relationships through us or is it better to just focus on clear communication instead? Joe finds "red flags" limiting and wants a more nuanced conversation. Sam shares how …

The benefits of large language models including Chat GPT / The benefits of neurodiversity / The benefits of working on yourself 1 - What are the benefits of emerging AI technologies? Will it advance us or be our undoing? Will Joe's doomsday predictions come to fruition or will it be a golden age for human creativity? Ali has mixed feelings, will we…

Throwing soup at paintings / Cat dads vs dog dads / Gratitude - yeah or nah? 1 - We delve into the effectiveness of political protests. Is throwing soup at a painting going to fix the climate crisis? Are Gen Z’s really the “last generation”? Joe shares some stories of his historical political activism and why he thinks his way was better. Ali share…

We return for Season 2. Life before and after ADHD treatment / Sam on learning / You are falling through the air without a parachute, but don't worry, there is no ground. 1. Joe asked, so Sam explains that before treatment for ADHD, getting things done was endlessly frustrating and chaotic. It's not magically better now, but there's been many impro…

Christmas in the bin? What can be redeemed in it? / Note to self: 'let it stream' / That's Facts - A dark brooding romantic fixer upper 1. Christmas - Quite a few people are not into Christmas at all so here is a A Christmas Survival Guide Why do people hate christmas? Hear from the internet masses here - it's a lot of the same reasons that Joe doe…

Revolution? / Do not seek the truth, only cease to cherish opinions / Paparazzi We mention Sengcan a lot: sage, poet and 3rd Patriarch of Chan Buddhism. Famous for (maybe) writing Xinxin Ming sutra (scripture/poem). Read it here. It begins like this: The Great Way is not difficult / for those who have no preferences When love and hate are both abse…

Boundaries / The idea of your mother is not your mother / That's facts - the magical vagina and the song of the magical penis 1. Boundaries, romantic fiascos, anxious attachment. Why do I wonder if I'm real while waiting for a reply? Texting too much. Getting in touch with exes when there's nothing to discuss. School of Life: Can Exes Be Friends? T…

Why is Sam liking the internet more and more? / Leave the front door open, leave the back door open / Freedom is Obedience to Self-Formulated Rules 1. We get into why the internet can be a good presence, and a bit about Joe's experience with click-bait being a big problem even in 'quality' press Sam is happy he can find: good visual artists and aud…

Growing up Hare Krishna / Note to self: "I love you. Keep going" / the beach 1. Being in the Moomba Parade as a Hare kid, in a fierce competition with the Gas and Fuel Corporation for Moomba float prizes / Krishnas coverage of Moomba Back to Godhead magazine July 1985 (Does Moomba mean 'up your bum'? Was it revenge from Bill Onus for Moomba organis…

Heaven and Hell is here and now? 1. Leaving the Ambassador Hotel 2. On clinging 3. Heaven on Earth, or somewhere else? 1. Joe at 19 in Bangkok, Thailand. A story he needs to tell, as life has not been the same since, but maybe it can be okay. Taxi drivers. Getting picked up by the tourist police. A strait jacket. A hospital, and a giant syringe. A …

1. Socialising 2. 'Am I expanding or contracting?' 3. Highly sensitive persons -HSP Where did all the house parties go? Did we grow up? Did we get sick of it? What about dinner parties? Is Joe not getting invited to dinner parties? Do they actually happen? Are people afraid their space or their entertaining won't be good enough? Are we all just hel…

If you win, you're allowed to cry / Looking outside yourself for what you already have / Being pompous 1. Sport can be an antidote to the messy and unresolved nature of life. There may not be a higher meaning to sport, but does there have to be. We need playfulness, and doing things together. Everything can be ridiculous when you look at it the rig…

Do normal stuff or get enlightened? / Avoid problems you don't have / Away from climate anxiety 1. Listener mail - Eben crushes it with a killer question that really revs us up. Do the 10,000 things, or seek enlightenment? Neither. Both. Thank you so much Eben. Don't let us confuse you about enlightenment, you've got this. Keep doing what you're do…

Fatherhood, parenting / capitalism / identity 1. Camille Paglia, Sexual Personae en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Camille_Paglia / Paternity may be a legal fiction. Who is the father of any son that any son should love him or he any son? James Joyce Feeling like you have to do heaps with yr kids. They wanna chill. So do you. Connect with yr kids through frust…

1. Work + mental health 2. Judging people 3. Knowing it all 4. Letters from listeners! Four huge ones, but don't worry, we almost dent the surface. Work Good to have a role. Structure is connection. People on Joe's psych ward, dosed with news, nothing to do. Some have too much. Work with fair rewards, dignity, autonomy, meaning, and time away! Judg…

We nail the sound this time, feels good. Sam tells some wild tales from Hare Krishna boarding school, we discuss relationships in our 40s compared to our 20s and also ring a bell a few times. Sam finally tells (part of) the boarding school story, which does involve a bit of corporal punishment and vague military or martial vibes. Some Hari Krishnas…

0:25 Being an article head (news junkie) 15.00 - Wanting to feel alive and awake. Risk taking behaviour. Sketchy people. Guns 18.00 - Ordinary mind. Do the dishes. Thanks to Sean for the episode image 28:51 - Parents, being a scared kid, loss, addiction, therapy, abandonment. It'll be okay in the end though. Send a voice msg Send us ye olde email A…

We should probably shut up, but everyone needs to express themselves doing stuff because you want people to think you're attractive egotism, false self-esteem, being childish but still feeling superior to Donald Trump Donald's brother Fred Jr (he just wanted a regular life), difficult fathers, alcoholism, losing parents, Joe's Dad old blokes out th…

We take a test drive and chat about Buddhism, Taoism, Hare Krishna, dating, poke bowls, Byron Bay, tanned people, music (Paul Kelly, Richard Clapton, Wilco), being on your phone, philosophy, feelings, mental health. Life really. Spotify links to music discussed: Paul Kelly - Northern Rivers Richard Clapton - Blue Bay Blues (original) Wilco - Being …