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My Favourite Monster

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My Favourite Monster

George Penney & Tony Johnson

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Welcome to My Favourite Monster, a podcast where two professional house sitters, ttrpg fans and comedy fantasy fiction authors, George Penney & Tony Johnson consider every monster in the universe for their pet potential, one by one. Be it xenomorphs, Trogdor, Jaws or a mind flayer we will consider them all!
 
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As we are just finishing off the edit on a book, we thought we'd have a (hopefully informative) rant about editors and the editorial process. Because gnarr. Signs your editor may stink and how to find a shiny unicorn. What are the breeds of editor? How much do they cost? Various stories from the trenches... Also on another note... we gonna be trave…
 
So I had a think about it, and it turns out the Crystal Gem species is rather overpowered. Like... Immortal xenomorph meets nano-tech hegemonic-swarm combined with planet sculpting and a side salad of resurrection plus faster than light travel. So I might have gotten a tiny bit ambitious with this episode... I work out what the true purpose of the …
 
We investigate "The Affront", one of the most charismatic and truly awful alien species to ever exist. A tentacled gas-sac parody of British aristocracy from the book Excession by Iain M Banks, one of the greatest science fiction writers that ever lived. I wax poetic about the post scarcity society known as "The Culture" Overlords... Blaaargh! Geor…
 
In this episode we ramble about our current favorite anime... Jashin-chan Doroppukikku (Dropkick on my Devil) as well as think about pork cutlets and reminisce about eating roast duck ramen in Tokyo. Anyway who doesn't love a regenerating topless Lamia maid who is constantly trying to kill you (mostly via snakey dropkick)? Why are there not enough …
 
We rant and rave about the androids and magical black goo in Alien Covenant (and Prometheus). Quite a bit, actually... Neutrino shockwave? ...no... just no. Join the egg sniffers guild today, we have cookies! Why android hair??? volcanic glass >> magic faux genetic god alien Chekhov's gun misfires again And more!…
 
We dive into the Discworld and consider Gaspode, the cynical ball of stench and disease or as he would put it "Mans best friend, et cetera, et cetera. Give the little doggie a biscuit. Homo-Sapiens! You can keep 'em." We talk about Greyfriars Bobby, the inspiration behind Gaspode. We remember the good/bad old days of London, that Pratchett parodies…
 
In this episode we travel back 500 million years to look at the pure and unadulterated nightmare fuel of the Cambrian explosion. In particular the weirdest creature named after a literal hallucination: Hallucigenia. * How many pikachu's can you impale on it's back spines? * Which end is the front? * Why don't more tentacles have teeth? * Why is the…
 
We delve into the potential of the beloved Mimics: Are tofu halflings an ethical food option? How do they fare against clothing, fall and chainmail blankets? Do mimics have pollen allergies? What is the saddest thing you can stick to a mimic? Are they really the most useful accessory?By George Penney & Tony Johnson
 
This is one of those episodes where Tony gets fascinated by the cthonic things that kicked around before Greek myth and George works out which goat head isn't plotting against you. Does your pet Chimera need house-training three times? Does the lion head end up bald on one side and charred on the other? What do Echindna's have to do with this? Lear…
 
For George's birthday shark-o-rama we evaluate the genetically modified hyper-intelligent sharks from Deep Blue Sea. It's one of **those** episodes: Where do I buy fluffy leopard print chainmail? Are sharks anti-capitalistic or merely democratic-anarchists? Where does a dump stat rank against legs on Maslow's hierarchy of sharky danger? Should we f…
 
This episode we evaluate the absurdly overpowered Tarrasque as a pet: Which out of D&D and Pathfinder has the sexiest Tarrasque? How did it evolve from fish-pig... to cat-tortoise... to walking apocalypse? Is Godzilla gonna sue? Why does his theme song make no sense? And how exactly do you manage something that is literally "unkillable"?…
 
So we thought we would rate as a pet three concurrent cat-like things, nyan. All three of these would do just fine at either a catgirl, cosplay or furry convention. Which is what a human in DnD typically feels they have joined whenever they walk into a tavern. Futhermore, nyan. Which cat is best cat? (trick question... all cats are best cat) Do cat…
 
In this episode we evaluate the subterranean tentacle-worms, Graboids, from the iconic horror-comedy Tremors as a potential pet. Save on water with a dirt-moat for your evil lair? Is this really just a dirt-chicken? Need a rain of florescent orange entrails? Can those tentacles operate muppets? Tony has a few rants... because bad physics! Geology!!…
 
So... Spelljammer is back! And with Boo’s Astral Menagerie it's high time we took at look at Boo's kin, the Giant Space Hamsters! Wait... the giant intergalactic hamster-wheel goes how fast?!? What sub-species is right for you? Is cheek pouch bathing hygienic? Tyrannohamstersaurus rex... The Hamster of Ill Omen... how many Tarrasques can it fit in …
 
In this episode we discover that dentists make good fertilizer, as we explore the pet potential of Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors... We even sing a little bit: Is looting a dungeon just salvage without a pirate hat? Why don't plant's have poop holes? Can you really be fired for feeding your boss to your potted plant? "Suddenly Seymour is sta…
 
In this episode Tony tries to get the tin foil hat off George so he can convince her how wonderful their new Aboleth "pet" is. Honest, it's the pet, not us. We wouldn't lie to you, fellow human. Who needs rolled up newspapers when you have continent sized meteors and planetary self destruct buttons? Is Aboleth slime the biggest thing to hit the bea…
 
In an episode that rivals the Slaad one for pure chaos, we barely evaluate Star Trek's beloved intergalactic parasite, the Tribble as a pet: What noise does one make when it's bounced off Capn Kirk's head? Why does Kirk have a better makeup budget than the Klingons? Are Tribbles the answer for saving endangered marsupials? How do I get to be part o…
 
In this episode we chill out with our sentient mood lighting and wonder at what is simultaneously the most inoffensive and potentially most destructive monster in D&D. A creature that was once an April fools day joke: the Flumph. We ask: How do I monetize my flumph on youtube and twitch? Do i need a furry wall in my flumph-room(tm)? How much "seedi…
 
In this episode we evaluate the Anaconda(s) from the movie Anaconda. Well, to be honest mostly Tony rants at one of the worst snake movies of all time. How do I escape from a bad snake movie? Why does it FLY? Is a candy/rubber snake covered in a condom a realistic pet? Exactly how much plot armor does J.Lo and Ice Cube have? No. Not snek! Bad produ…
 
In this episode we debate pet merits of the iconic Gelatinous Cube. Can you push one through a ramen strainer? What happens if they get out into the open steppe? What's with D&D's weird approach to electricity? Is it bouncy or not? Is it a glorified bumper car, or just a dungeon roomba? Is it a delicacy when cooked? What happens if you feed one jel…
 
In this episode we rate Velociraptors (from Jurassic Park) for their pet potential. We ask all the pertinent questions: Can I have a slow-i-raptor? What happens if mine isn't a clever girl? Should I ensure my friends have a character arc? How do they fare in a fight with Australian wildlife? Can I pit-roast my pet? Do they understand American footb…
 
In this episode we rant and rave about the worst adaption of Godzilla ever to crawl out of a Hollywood management boardroom (The 1998 adaption of Godzilla featuring Matthew Broderick and half the cast of The Simpsons) and we eventually rate it's many pet qualities. We ask the key questions: Is it ok to take the God out of Godzilla? Exactly how does…
 
In this episode we rate the pet-dog-robot-agent-of-madness that is GIR from one of the darkest cartoons ever made for children, Invader Zim. A creation of Johnen Vasquez, famous for his nihilistic gothic parody. We analyze the squeedily spooch out of GIR, collecting organs and probing the vast non-euclidean space inside his thermos like head. * Wha…
 
In this episode George and Tony purposefully catalogue in exacting detail the Modron, a creature of pure order (That means it does precisely what you tell it to). We file (using form 32y, sub-section: query): * What happens to typewriters when they die? * Do armchairs have butt-holes? * How do I ensure my Modron pet does not go insane? * Are Modron…
 
In this episode George and Tony ramble and meander, eventually exploring the furriest axolotl (the Mogwai) and their post pupal stage (Gremlins) for pet purposes. We ask the big pet questions (before George can throttle Tony): * Should you give a biological weapon to your son as a present? * Can you feed your Mogwai wet food? * What are the industr…
 
So --> Whats a Slaad? Well, I mean, what ISN'T a Slaad? Honestly, that would be easier wouldn't it? But no, you had to ask what a Slaad was, didn't you? So think of angels and demons right... but get rid of all the angel and demon bits and chuck what's left in a food processor and pour it in a frog shaped mold. Because FROG. THINK about it. Forg. G…
 
For the first time we consider an actual pet as a pet. In this case it is Goodboy Bindle Featherstone of Quirm, also known as Errol the swamp dragon from the Guards! Guards! Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett (one of our favourite books!). And why wouldn't you want a badly run alchemical factory the size of a small dog as a pet? OK sure, he flames …
 
We probe the Demonic Balrog from Lord of the Rings and its counterpoint the Balor for people who need a pet that's a little on the wild side. Does your Balrog have a pedigree? Is your local city in need of terraforming? Do you need more flaming whips and vorpral swords in your life? Should you store your Balrog in your plumbing? What is a Bogrog? A…
 
We consider the Yokai-like monster No Face (from Spirited Away) as a potential pet. All of the standard pet evaluation questions are asked: Exactly how much of an elephant does he need to eat to mimic it? If he eats you, and goes to jail for cryptocurrency fraud are you in jail as well? Is there a No Face drinking game? How many cats can you feed h…
 
We consider an Arrakeen Sandworm for our pet. Because the spice must flow! All the relevant lore is reviewed, such as: Do you walk your worm, or does your worm walk you? How much dried shrimp do you need to feed something up to a kilometer long? What are worm kegels? Can you wrestle your worm for funsies? Can you objectify your sandworm? We learn i…
 
In this episode we consider for our pet: Imhotep the Mummy (A-Totally-Not-Lich-Honest), from the Mummy franchise of movies. We explore his various uses from chafing grit to self composting. We explore what it means to be juicy in a box for three thousand years with nothing to do but think about schtupping(?) the pharaoh's wife and exercising your p…
 
In this episode we vet Slimer from Ghost Busters as a potential pet. Including in-depth consideration of wet chickens, Instagram bikini shot ruination, nuke transportation, hot dog insurance, bird based signing and immortal floating pugs. We discover the "only" difference between Slimer and Twilight vampires and Tony invents a high efficiency recip…
 
In today's episode we're considering Trogdor for his pet potential. We discuss his many skills and qualities, which include burninating, coming in the night and being majestic with consumate v's! Ok, so if you are one of the few people (*cough cough*) who have not heard of Trogdor then here are some references to prove we are not making this up... …
 
In today's podcast, George pitches Bruce the Shark from Jaws to Tony who has vital questions about Bruce's diet and exercise habits. The vital question about Bruce's bathroom habits are asked and sharks and swimming pools are discussed. Some fun stuff: An article about how the film was shot based around which of the 3 Bruces was working on any give…
 
In today's episode, Tony suggests a black hole as being the perfect pet while George wonders what an accretion disk is and why she'd want to smear the neighbours on it. Vital questions are asked like: Will our black hole suck in our neighbours? Does a black hole clean up after itself? And, most importantly, are the goats on the mountain upside down…
 
Today George is pitching xenomorphs to Tony as our new pet. Whether they be an ovomorph, a face hugger, a xenomorph or the Alien Queen, we're considering them all. And asking the important questions like: Do xenomorphs use litter boxes? Will they snuggle on the bed, and Will they eat our friends? We're only covering the beasties from Alien, Aliens …
 
For our monstrous premier episode, Tony is pitching the Bulette to George for its pet potential. Along the way, he reveals that this particular beastie has a fascinating, and unexpected history. The source articles Tony used for this podcast can be found at : https://diterlizzi.com/essay/owlbears-rust-monsters-and-bulettes-oh-my/ https://ultra.fand…
 
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