The guys discuss how staying in one room can greatly improve your memory, when a request for unwashed flatulence will result in fornication, and why most Egyptian tombs smell like Chicago style hotdogs.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why alliteration was absolutely imperative during 18th century sexting, when an ear-piercing Hawk on a minibike is your best chance at exoneration, and how 4 1/2lbs of corned beef and several potatoes instantly becomes a single serving if not labeled properly.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why insufficient adult relations can make for very stale sandwiches, when nailing down a toilet can save you approximately $6,000,000, and how orally inspecting orangutans can eliminate the need to change the locks.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how surviving a barrel plunge does not make you impervious to the power of citrus, when a stereotypical look guarantees you a full climax at the end of the rainbow, and why it is always better to encounter a single shark than a pod of dolphins.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why having multiple snacks straddle your lap is no longer an issue, how Damon will definitely injure his hands attending German operas, and what are the only two acceptable instances to acknowledge a “final notice” warning.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss what might possibly be the most disturbing way to “capture” a new roommate, when a perfectly arranged bedroom can guarantee foreign relations every night, and how the ending to every high speed chase in Germany may or may not result in a pant-less driver.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why wearing two flashlights when jogging makes you more likely to be hit by a car, when an extra “I” can save you $13,000,000, and how a bronze penguin pecker doesn’t necessarily fit the decor of every room.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why Italian vampires constantly over season their marinara, when five cents worth of banana will literally double your dessert profits, and how Persian Pizza is the only acceptable pre-war meal for the warrior not counting calories.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why you should NEVER share a communion wafer with Damon, when achieving proper feng shui requires placing the TC directly in the crevice, and how easily badgers can fill up when devouring an impressive hog.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how a renaissance man could knock a soldier off a horse at 100 yards without using an arrow, why a ménage a trios with a Sasquatch will cost you your alimony, and when a 6 year old “farmer” cancelled Valentine’s Day for the entire school.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why you have to set your manager down to make eggs above Niagara Falls, when a sarcastically smiling moon only adds humor to an otherwise indescribable morning, and how there’s no copay for at home dentistry.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how Polish anti-tank mines no longer come with directions, why even with Damon’s relentless questioning of the male anatomy he still cannot comprehend Bandaid wrappers, and when tranquilizing is NOT the worst thing you can do to an alligator.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how it’s just proper etiquette (and an excellent fighting strategy) to apologize prior to punching your wife in the knees and taking her sack of rocks, when being a whore can save you a trip to the grocery store, and why choosing the correct bathing suit is imperative when pulling 9Gs to keep all your teeth.…

The guys discuss how garlic butter without mushrooms is not enough to justify homicide, why it’s necessary for goat costumes to be made of Kevlar during outdoor sexy time, and when Damon’s face nestled securely in your bosom is the key to safe travel.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how whale milk can lead to a beautiful smile, when impersonating a ghost only delays the rescue mission, and why Damon believes voluntarily remaining poor the rest of his life is in his breast interest.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

This is an episode of enlightenment for the guys as Ted discovers he’s going to be a father again, Damon discovers previously unexplored visual equipment, and Mac discovers Chuck AND Zack are indeed the very same person.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The discuss how long is “too long” to leave your baby unattended in a gas station freezer, when your van’s paint job is totally irrelevant once the mattress is both greasy AND wet, and why a Chinese person apparently wouldn’t name their fish Todd.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why it’s always best to survey the husband after vacations to avoid negative feedback, how giving your heart is no longer the absolute best way to show your commitment to a relationship, and where you can take Damon for an entire weekend to roam amongst the people completely unfiltered.…

The guys discuss what is quite possibly the best way to compliment strangers at the beach, how Belgian sand is apparently so much easier on flip flops, and why Damon believes the internet consists only of emails from his wife.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why a single Danish covered in cinnamon isn’t always necessarily delicious, how an adolescent chimney sweep can commandeer royal undies, and when a “take home” squad car is a prerequisite for employment.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why you’ll never see an orangutan cashing his paycheck, how lanyard usage actually defines your very existence, and when the cleanliness of a wall cleaned by a one gloved individual assures you’ll be having the lasagna.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why it’s extremely dangerous to have a mole on your face in an Amsterdam airport, when helping to keep someone’s tortoise dry can be very lucrative, and how catastrophic it is to be mildly deaf with a lack of friends at an air show.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how military grade clean sidewalks could be banned in this country at any time, how it only took 7” for an Indian man to capture a world record, and why towing cars and preventing stab wounds to the groin are most important when choosing the proper pants.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how office buildings in Norway have posted speed limits in the hallways, when spending $1,000,000 on a property still won’t get you a basement, and why a $400 loophole is guaranteed to destroy your German “warehouse”.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why a third comma is necessary to summon a genie, when a total disregard for your chestnuts can lead to championships, and how a magical pill can make chili night more romantic.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why an uncut whopper with mayo can get you arrested, when a $12 an hour career change means you’ll never be far from the beach, and how it’s entirely possible to fight an entire war on your lunch break.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why an unverified “Code 3” will get a hero banned from retail establishments, what the two most essential items to keep fresh in Tupperware are to properly welcome home a soldier from war, and when sleeping with the warden’s sister while coaching kids soccer can’t prevent a collect call from “My Bad”.…

The guys discuss how and uncomfortable doctor undoubtedly ruined medicine for generations to come, when being sarcastically honest on a job application can super-size your career, and why an aggressive goldfish named Larry might never be found.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when extensive eye contact can destroy an entire restaurant, why it is imperative to list your address and full daily itinerary when attempting to find your lost house keys, and how 260 miles of tandem nudity is worth approximately $6,000.00 worth of self confidence.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why it’s so important to order your wedding album in paperback, how it’s not insulting to guess a woman’s age if you use a 20 year window, and when it’s necessary to specify what is NOT to be your eternal nickname before you die in a hole.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how autocorrect can totally impede an entire canine search party, why a bedazzled butter dish will totally clash with your leftover soufflé, and when a four egg omelette can cost a whopping $10,000.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how to Target the right sultry stuffed snowman for good time, why having one kidney and limited vacation days always results in a career change, and when ONE strike, ZERO balls, and well manicured neck beard makes you royalty.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why it's so important to hide your laughter when strange toddlers get injured, how landscapers cannot be held accountable to mow while they’re mourning, and when you cannot find an old person in a room full of 48 year old people.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when a notary is necessary to buy booze, why it’s plausible to get robbed by 3 out of every 4 people while on a spiritual retreat, and how Damon believes he could be the “king of the jungle” if given a fair fight.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss exactly what is the best invention to keep your apples and frying pans from falling under your couch, how French business students can quench your thirst and yet still leave you sticky, and why a 2014 Hyundai Genesis guarantees you both a good time and a settlement.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how most panda cubs can be both discarded and delicious, when the child delivering a brand new moonstone rock to your door is not covered by the $4.00 purchase protection, and why it’s imperative that you take your bike with you to the top of Mt. Everest so you don’t have to walk back home to Sweden.…

The guys discuss how to measure the bookcase-to-beer ratio properly while bartering, when porch pirating a big screen tv results in extreme frustration and disappointment unless you’re into cardio, and how the magic of four wheel drive has enabled the disabled to enjoy majestic views.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss what cologne is the most dangerous to wear within 2,640 feet of big cats, how a SWAT Team souvenir is merely a down payment on a new front door, and why it’s necessary to cancel your flight when the pilot pulls up in Ford Focus.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when infidelity can turn deadly if you refuse to look up, how a slow friend is not to be used as a speed bump when running from a bear, and why an overworked robot who’s never invited to happy hour should be denied access to stairwells.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how according to Instagram it’s “nearly” impossible to fit two dozen contact lenses in your eyes, why a 30 minute bathroom break on your first day will result in a coworker kicking the door in, and when 17 cans of stolen Pringles and a getaway bike will get you a six month jail sentence.…

The guys discuss why the proper sneaker/ski mask selection is so important while “working” naked, when “taking a bite out of crime” still doesn’t constitute owning a grenade launcher, and how “hump enhancement” all but guarantees your camel will be disqualified from competition.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when an expensive car accident necessitates canceling the family barbecue, why holding a horse above your head while looking a mile in both directions makes you irresistible to the ladies, and how mislabeled exercise equipment immediately becomes delicious to a koala bear.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how if you wear the same underwear from your 16th birthday until the day you die you will be a billionaire, when a bear will travel 125 miles just to destroy your Honda if he hates you enough, and why kindergarten drop off can be the most imperative step to becoming a successful tech magnate.…

The guys discuss why Father’s Day shopping is never complete without a trip to an avian establishment, when it’s absolutely imperative to sleep in gloves on a commercial flight, and how terrible aim lead to the creation of an infamous list of records.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how timing is everything when picking up 80lbs of free frozen soup, why any novel read by a Russian scientist in Antarctica instantly becomes a murder mystery, and when a sketch of a Mets game can automatically exonerate the defendant.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why it’s imperative you never leave your “round disks of concrete” around Swedish chimps, how being bald leads to a much greater chance of reptilian concussions, and when enjoying a premature bear kabob triggers brain worms.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when is the best time to weed whack to prevent losing your tank, how rattlesnakes are completely indifferent when it comes to metal poles and a boot, and why becoming a lumberjack can only help your odds of eventually becoming an obstetrician.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how $0.15 used to get your baby a ride on the mail truck, what are the absolute two most important things to protect when you’re hired as a hit man by an estranged husband, and why you should always bring a picnic basket to the pound when attempting to adopt a puppy in China.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why you’d never hug a Siberian bear hunter goodbye when he leaves, how an Asian mouse statue in Russia serves as a reminder of lives lost, and when even a plexiglass fortified meth store can’t bring your stepbrother back.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when a $35 t-shirt and front row seats can’t guarantee a laugh, how buying a gorilla at a Halloween party will get you prison time, and why a hot glue gun and a dream is detrimental to the battery industry.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson