199. A Heartfelt Conversation With My Kids: Life After Stroke

Aging in Style with Lori Williams

What’s the reality of life for children of stroke victims?

When someone suffers a stroke, it’s common to get the perspective of a spouse or primary caregiver. But what about children who are younger adults on the cusp of life?

When my husband Mark had 4 strokes that began on Christmas Day in 2022, my children Abby and Chris saw the horror unfold and our lives changed in an instant. While I was pitted in the chaos of making quick medical decisions and figuring out insurance, my kids were dealing with their own reality. Today Abby is 21 and Chris is 28, and while many of their peers live carefree lives pursuing their dreams, their experience caused them to mature faster and learn how quickly life can change.

It's been a tumultuous 18 months of processing heavy emotions. With Mark in the hospital or rehab and me either attending to him or working, they’ve had some quiet moments of reflection and some lessons and truths about themselves that they’ve taken away.

Chris has:

- Felt more empowered to take on stressful tasks

- Stepped up to provide help by caregiving for his father

- Learned not to take it personally when words are spoken in stressful moments

- Celebrates it when he achieves difficult tasks vs. fixating on the difficulty of getting there

- Practices being present instead of focusing on the past or worrying about the future

Abby has:

- Recognized how life can change in an instant

- Learned to appreciate “the moments of color” that come into what can sometimes be a gray world

- Found her calling – to become an occupational therapist

- Savor each moment of joy without taking it for granted

- Practiced feeling and expressing her emotions instead of holding them in

- Acknowledged everyone is going through something we may not know about, so have compassion

Both have had to grieve the way their father was and become accustomed to the change, but I couldn’t be prouder of the adults they have become. Part of me feels sadness this happened to them so early in life, but I am excited to see how they manage to take these challenges and create something beautiful from them.

Topics discussed:

- Grieving parents

- Children caregiving for parents

- Anxiety and PTSD

- Staying present and positive

- Stroke families

Takeaways from this episode:

- Stressful circumstances can help you realize new strengths you have and even set you on a new course for life.

- It’s possible to grieve someone who is still alive, and this is especially true for younger family members of those who have had a stroke.

- Stay present – try not to replay the past in your head or worry about the future.

- Be kind because you never know what someone is going through.

- Life can change in an instant, so savor and appreciate the good moments.

- Give yourself grace!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Get my new book, 'Surrounded by Love: One's Family Journey Through Stroke Recovery': https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/book

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Get your copy of Surrounded by Love: One Family's Journey Through Stroke Recovery:

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Mentioned in this episode:

Surrounded by Love

You can find my book, "Surrounded by Love: One Family’s Journey Through Stroke Recovery," on Amazon. It is available as a Kindle, hardcover, paperback, and also on Audible. More details can be found on my website: https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/book