Person Mask

American Grimoire

Story by Ryan Tippets

Illustration by Cory Mendenhall

He woke to the sound of the moon rising in the sky. He brushed the leaves and twigs off his chest and wiped the dirt from his eyes. When he sat up his face was eye level with a spider busily spinning its web. There was a time he didn’t mind their company, their jagged webs the closest thing he had to a mirror. But they thought they were sneakier than him. Once he had felt a spider touching his ear with its disgusting legs; molesting his ear hairs, questing further and further trying to find his secrets. But no one was sneakier than he was, especially not pervert spiders.

He plucked the spider from its web and placed it on the mossy wall of his home. He kicked it furiously until nothing but goo and bad intentions were left on his broken toes.

He hobbled over to his pile of leaves and rummaged around until he found his person mask. Today his name would be Leroy, unless he found another name more powerful, like Meagan or Bruce.

Leroy’s claws found purchase in the smooth, round wall of the well he called home. Sometimes he climbed out a different way, but today the old way was best. The stones were worn smooth, and the indentations from his many climbings made it easier on his broken toes.

Halfway up he heard movement in the dead leaves and grass surrounding the top of his well. He froze, and turned his sneakiness up to unseeable. Leroy hoped it was a raccoon, because he hated them most of all. They were obsessed with trying to touch his stuff.

The last time he met an idiot raccoon had been just like this; he’d crept to the top and hurled himself out of the well, somersaulting into the raccoon and putting it in a head lock. He flicked its eyeball with his finger until it confessed that Leroy was sneakier by wetting itself. By winking ferociously at it, Leroy had let the raccoon know he was going to tell his friends about his pathetic display of bladder control.

He hoped it was another raccoon.

Leroy flipped out of the well and was immediately disappointed. A squirrel was nibbling something in the grass, completely indifferent to his terrifying presence. Squirrels were easily the stupidest people he knew, always tittering and never saying anything funny. He grabbed it by the tail and threw it as hard as he could into the woods.

He usually liked to walk upright like he’d taught himself, letting his oversized jacket sleeves drag in the leaves. His jacket was near the top of his favorite things. The long sleeves hid his claws, which added an extra layer of stealth he approved of.

His toes hurt though, so he laid on his back and rolled into the forest.

Leroy rolled into a clearing and heard the twitching of deer ears. Deer were other stupid people he knew, always getting scared and jumping out of their skin, but they were fast fast which somewhat made up for it.
He was quick quick though, and tonight he would let them know it.

He slowly rolled into the clearing. The big deer’s head raised up, ears pointed wide, but hearing nothing it lowered its head back down to eat.

Leroy had to bite his tongue he was laughing so hard. He ever so slowly rolled a little bit at a time, his coat sleeves flapping over and under his body. He was right next to the deer’s leg, laughing so hard inside he could feel things popping inside his eyes.

He lunged forward and bit his sharp teeth into skinny part of the deer’s leg. The deer screamed and bucked and danced around the clearing trying to throw Leroy off. Leroy laughed harder than ever, but to the deer it sounded like growling and it bucked even harder.

Finally, one of Leroy’s teeth snapped off and the deer bucked him off into a tree where he broke his nose but not his laugh box.

He laid on his back, face covered in blood, giggling to himself.

He was looking for his friend Dog near the creek. Dog, he was certain, would find his deer story hilarious and they would chase each other around all night and cover each other in slobber to celebrate Leroy’s genius.

Dog was one of the few people Leroy trusted. Dog pretended to be dumb, which was the smartest thing to do in Leroy’s opinion.

But Dog wasn’t at the creek. Leroy sat with his toes in the water and drew rude pictures in the mud on the bank while he waited. After he drew every rude thing he knew, he decided to see how many back flips he could do before the back of his head hit the ground. He made it to two and a half before his thirst was stronger than his desire to break his own back flip record.

Shoving his face in the water, he began to greedily gulp in mouthfuls. Other people that he knew liked to keep a lookout while they drank, but he found that to be deeply embarrassing.

While he was drinking, he saw that the creek was baring its teeth at him. Leroy quickly struck out, moving body of water or not, no one bared their teeth at him. The teeth floated up out of the mud, and Leroy realized it wasn’t the creek’s teeth but someone else’s. He pulled them out of the water, top half and bottom half. He put them in his mouth but they wouldn’t fit around his own jagged teeth and he thought he would choke.

Then he held them in his hands and clacked them together. Click, they said. He did it again and, Clack, they replied. He held them up to the moonlight and judged them to be good.

Dog rustled its way out of the bushes. It sniffed once in Leroy’s direction then, like a weirdo, started rolling in the dead fish that sometimes wound up on the bank.

Leroy slapped Dog’s nose. I was waiting for you, you stupid idiot, he said by clacking the teeth in his hand together. I had a great story but you were too busy not being loved by anyone to hear it. I hate you and I don’t like you all day, he said by clicking the teeth onto Dog’s ear. Dog yelped and ran into the forest.

Leroy clicked the teeth in his hand.

He was in a bad mood so he decided to go the the People house. It was dangerous, but so was he. First though, he had to get his sunglasses from his well, which required him to climb down and back up on his broken toes which made him even angrier.

He put the sunglasses over his people mask well before he saw the lights of the People house. They had put the lights up on purpose, he knew, to blind him so he couldn’t see. Too bad for them he was so smart.

He could see them through their window eating dinner. Two big ones and a small one. The big ones smelled like fear and dumb secrets which he despised. The small one smelled like old food which he was neutral on.

Leroy didn’t even try to hide himself, his stealth was so powerful. He walked right by the dining room window and clacked his hand teeth at it.

He went around to the side of the house and kicked in the tiny window that was level with the ground. He rolled into the room beneath the People house. The room was dark and the floor was cool to the touch. Leroy wanted to press his face to the cool cement, but he was worried the People would find him asleep and take his hand teeth.

Instead he went to the big box and pulled out the bad water the people hid there. Last time he drank the bad water his head went woomp woomp woomp and he couldn’t land any of his back flips. In anger, he’d picked a fight with bear and bear had torn his ear off, making Leroy an idiot. But a few days later his ear had grown back and he wasn’t an idiot anymore.

He took the bad water back outside and climbed the tree next to the small People bedroom. He drank the nasty stuff until his heart grew bigger and his belly burned. He watched as the light came on, and one of the big People brought the small People into his bedroom. The small People was crying. What’s wrong honey, asked the big People. The small People sniffled and said, Joey took my basketball and won’t give it back.

Leroy didn’t know who Joey was, but he sounded like a raccoon and therefore he hated him.

The big People said, There, there, honey. I’m sure he’ll bring it back tomorrow. How about a bed time story?

The small People nodded his head once, and the big People started telling him a long, boring story about three bears, which made Leroy scratch his new ear and drink more of the bad water.

The small People fell asleep immediately, which made Leroy think that the small People didn’t respect bears either. He clicked his hand teeth together quickly at the window telling the small People that maybe they could kill bears together sometime. He fell backwards out of the tree.

By the time he made it back to his well, his eyes couldn’t focus and a noise that wasn’t there was going whoosh in his head. He could hear the sun screeching into existence, the idiot birds in the trees singing with its arrival. Leroy shoved dead leaves in his ears and made a mental note to push the bird nests out of the trees when he woke up. He looked down into his well and could barely make out his sleep rock. He put his sunglasses into his pocket, turned towards the birds singing in the trees and click clacked his teeth, enjoy it while it lasts, fools.

He tipped forward into his well, the air rushing past his face. Leroy hoped that he hit the sleep rock just right, ensuring a dreamless day

Bruce Bruce watched as the small People threw a round thing at a tall thing. He’d been woken earlier than he was comfortable with, the Boom Boom noise echoing down his well mirroring the thump thump of his day-after bad water brain.

He wasn’t sure who was making the noise, but he took on two names to make himself more powerful.

With sunglasses on over his person mask, he had stood outside of his well and looked at the wretched sun still lingering in the sky. He made a rude gesture at it with his hand teeth. Bruce Bruce had followed the noise back to the People house. He couldn’t see the big People anywhere which made him nervous, but the long, loud thing that carried them around its inside was gone. He clacked his hand teeth in approval.

Bruce Bruce wondered what the tall thing had done to deserve the pummeling it was receiving from the small People. Over and over again, the small People threw the round thing at it. A more savage beating Bruce Bruce had never seen. He decided he liked the small People.

He stepped out of the forest where he’d been hiding. The small People turned and smiled at him, then frowned, his bottom lips starting to quiver. The round thing rolled to Bruce Bruce’s feet. Bruce Bruce click clacked his hand teeth at the small People, Salutations.

He picked up the round thing and belted the tall thing with it. The round thing bounced backwards from the lip of the tall thing and struck Bruce Bruce in the face.

The small People laughed. Bruce Bruce clicked his hand teeth in agreement.

Are you the one that sits in my tree, the small People asked?

Bruce Bruce hesitated. Had the bad water made him less stealth than he thought? Never, the small People must be like him, he decided. Good at sneaking and finding secrets. He did a back flip in appreciation of the small People’s skills.

For the next few minutes they took turns belting the tall thing, running around the yard, attempting flips that the small People couldn’t quite land right, but to make him feel better, Bruce Bruce landed a few on his head.

He was about to ask the small People if he wanted to sneak attack the bear, maybe hold one of its tiny bears upside down from a tree, when he heard a noise coming down the road.

Another small People but bigger rode something into the yard. Hey, he said to small People. Is that a new ball?

Small People nodded.

The small bigger People smiled, then noticed Bruce Bruce and jumped back. Whoa, he said. Who is that?

Bruce Bruce click clacked his hand teeth rapidly in annoyance, Don’t act like you haven’t heard of me.

Can I have my ball back, Joey? Asked small People.

Bruce Bruce was delighted. Joey; raccoon sympathizer, thing taker, just standing there out in the open when he should have been running and screaming or assuming defensive positions.

I thought you had it, said Joey, getting off the thing he rode on. That new ball looks nice though, can I see it?

Small People looked to Bruce Bruce. Bruce Bruce clacked his hand teeth.

Joey walked up to Bruce Bruce. Seriously, who’s under there? Why is this kid wearing that stupid old man mask? Take off the mask, Kid.

Bruce Bruce just waited.

Leave him alone, said small People.

Oh gross, said Joey. Why is he holding dentures?

Bruce Bruce waited some more.

Don’t you talk, kid? Joey gave Bruce Bruce the smallest of pushes, feeling him out.

Joey didn’t see the claw extend from Bruce Bruce’s sleeve. Quicker than either of the small People could see, Bruce Bruce stuck his claw up to the knuckle just under Joey’s belly button.

Bruce Bruce wagged his eyebrows up and down at small People, but small People just started at him with his mouth open. Silly me, thought Bruce Bruce, he can’t see my eyebrows because of my person mask. Claw still inside a frozen Joey, Bruce Bruce tore off his mask and wagged his eyebrows at small People to say, my stealth is the best stealth.

Small People screamed, Joey screamed, Bruce Bruce click clacked his hand teeth.

Joey pulled himself off the claw and clutched his stomach. It’s not so bad, click clacked Bruce Bruce. You can use my sleep rock if it helps you stupid baby.

Small People put his arm around Joey and dragged him towards the house, both of them screaming for help.

Bruce Bruce sighed, and let his person mask fall to the ground.

Bruce Bruce brought the last of the bad water back into the forest. Some People, he thought.

He threw his hand teeth at a fox but didn’t wait to see if they bit into its face, which any other time he would have found hilarious. He bent down and started walking on all fours again like he used too, but his jacket sleeves kept tripping him up, upending him onto his face. Bruce Bruce took his jacket off and tore into it with his claws.

Naked, he sat at the top of his well and drank bad water. Dog came and sat next to Bruce Bruce and licked his face. He poured bad water into his hand and let Dog lick it out. You get me, he said by pulling on Dog’s tail.

The bad water was coursing through their bodies, and Bruce Bruce was considering asking Dog to hold his head under the creek water when he heard a noise. Something moved in his well. Bruce Bruce tilted his head as far back as it could go and looked down into his well.
There at the very bottom, moving slowly so as not to be heard, was a raccoon.

Touching his leaves.

Where he slept.

In his house.

It was the happiest moment of Bruce Bruce’s life.

He creeped up to the edge of the well, wagged his eyebrows at Dog and jumped in.

The raccoon never heard him coming.