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218 - How to Have Healthy, Loving, and Connected Relationships with Kelly Gardner
Manage episode 409940939 series 2926943
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With over 25 years of experience in education, Kelly has taught some form of personal growth to individuals from preschool to graduate school and beyond. His early training in drama therapy, non-violent communication, and childhood development combine with his more recent experiences in parenting, personal development and leadership training to create a unique approach to helping individuals grow their most loving relationships.
Show Notes:
[1:56] - This conversation goes in many different directions and you’ll learn a lot about yourself.
[6:04] - Kelly shares a bit about his background and the foundational experiences that shaped him.
[9:08] - Kelly began working with men, particularly about developing healthy relationships.
[10:56] - What is Drama Therapy and how can this approach guide people through self-discovery and expression?
[16:00] - Jill shares the experience of watching a movie that moved her to identifying and expressing something that was heavy to her.
[19:05] - Kelly became involved in this work early in his life, but continues to learn more and more.
[21:46] - What is the difference between a caregiver and a caretaker?
[24:07] - What are things that show up for you that appear good, but are not what they appear?
[28:17] - Kelly explains how he discovered that he was pointing his finger at someone else.
[30:02] - Women coming together and being vulnerable is built into society. But men in community are socialized in a world where that is not normalized.
[33:50] - What things don’t you want other people to know about you?
[36:40] - Kelly’s societal expectation was to create and provide safety, but what value do men have when they fear they can’t keep it together?
[40:24] - We need authentic masculinity, but that’s not just a man’s job.
[42:57] - The antagonist is a reflection of the externalized version of the protagonist’s internal drama.
[45:25] - You can only see so much through your own ego. You might not be able to do this alone.
[47:57] - Kelly shares the story of a man he has worked with that experienced profound healing in building relationships.
[53:38] - It’s not building up strength and hardness that allows you to let go. It’s softening.
[54:50] - The things that bring you success are oftentimes the things that hold you back, especially when it comes to relationships.
[57:38] - Kelly explains compassionate communication.
[60:36] - Some communication is just taking your judgments and squeezing them into a form that you think would be more easily accepted. But it's still judgment.
[63:08] - We can’t argue with feelings.
[65:44] - Every communication is seeking something that needs to be met.
[68:03] - Sometimes, we truly want conflict.
[70:01] - Jill admits something about how she communicates with her husband sometimes and Kelly suggests it is about wanting to be invited.
[75:03] - Identify why you are going into a conversation and the core need you are seeking to be met.
[76:55] - The majority of conflicts in a relationship stem from both parties needing to be heard and seen.
[79:05] - There are programs online that can help provide community.
I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.
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