Hot n Sweaty or Tender and Concerned: Having Sex versus Making Love

Get Over Yourself! The Milt n Mia Show's podcast

After Milt introduces the show, he mentions their 2 relationship booklets, The Get Over Yourself! Handbook on Cheating and Betrayal and The Get Over Yourself! Handbook on Creating Happiness in a Relationship, which has just been released, and they talk about how some people are calling Mia a 'medicine woman' and her feelings about that, before he mentions today's theme,

Making Love versus Having Sex. He reads an email from a woman who wants them to do a show on the differences between making love and having sex, with some advice for her clueless husband. Milt, “Yes, we are doing a show on just that, but as for your clueless husband, I think his problem stems from watching too much porn and thinking that that is making love.” Mia, “To make love, you must be patient and develop all your senses, whereas sex is just a fast release to get rid of your hormones.”

Milt, “People today are not trained in what lovemaking and sexual expression should be.” Mia, “We all have something greater than just our bodies within us, and making love is about a couple connecting to that higher, spiritual level. You want to complement each other and be selfless, whereas in sex, it's all about being selfish and getting what you want. Love-making is an art and only gets better in time.” Milt then goes through the list, “In sex, there is little foreplay, but lovemaking is all about taking your time.” Mia, “Making that moment sacred, shutting out the rest of the world, and being in communion.” Milt, “When young, it's easy to confuse sex with love, since it's so intense you mistake the feelings.” Mia, "A lot of relationships are like that, especially when young. The newness confuses you since you haven't any real references, but you only know if the person truly loves you when you go through hardships.” Milt, “In sex, there is very little romance, but love-making is all about romance.” Mia, “It's about the connection and the concern you show each other. And being under the influence is another way to confuse your feelings; the best thing is to go slowly, don't rush and get to know the person before you give yourself away.”

Milt, “Can there be love-making in a 3-some or open marriage, or is love-making always between 2 monogamous people?” Mia, “It depends on what you believe. I believe in the possibility that for some people, yes, they can make-love in non-traditional ways, but it depends on their beliefs and the culture.” Milt talks about the 'rise of eroticism', “How is that different than making love?” Mia, “It's another type of exploration; some people are professional lovers, like Casanova, who make every lover feel they are the only ones.”Milt, “How long does it take for a couple to actually make love, or is it case-by-case?” Mia, “It's case-by-case; it depends on how developed each of you are.”

Milt ask for Mia's advice for the woman with the clueless husband. Mia, “Prepare yourself better, be relaxed and have a conversation; let him know you're not happy. Often we're afraid to tell the person we're with any real truths, yet we'll tell the whole neighborhood instead. Have a romantic dinner, go dancing, and get away from your environment; often if there's TV or radio constantly going, you never relax, so turn all that off and change the atmosphere and then be honest about your desires to make love, then teach him.” Milt, “She, like a lot of women, is expecting the man to intuitively understand the problem, when in fact, he cant!” Mia, “That's why conversation is so important. If he's a good guy, it's worth teaching him.”

They talk about the need to use fantasies to spice things up, and how they are coming out soon with their own fantasies for listeners, then Milt reads another email, from a woman who doesn't enjoy sex with her BF of 6 years, her only partner, and is now curious about other men and wonders if she should leave him or try to work things out. Mia, “Take some time to reflect; if this is a good man, try to teach him what you want, add some role playing and fantasies, but if you give him a chance and it then doesn't work, then move on, but give him the chance first.”

Milt sends everyone to their website with its MiltnMia Show Store, and then he closes the show.