The Water Cooler (Slow) - Business Speak (Series 003, Episode 003)

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The Water Cooler (Slow)

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They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

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Episode 3 - Business Speak (Slow)

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Susan: Are you still working on your progress report for Janet’s new project?

Keith: I’m nearly done, just adding the finishing touches.

S: So, what have you done so far?

K: Actually, I’ve not yet started the project.

S: Oh, Janet’s not going to be happy, she wants it to be the cornerstone of the business by the end of the year. If you’ve not done anything, then what are you going to say about your progress?

K: I’m just going to confuse her with some meaningless management jargon and then hopefully she’ll leave me alone for a while and I can take things easy.

S: I’m not sure that Janet’s going to be fooled by buzz words.

K: Don’t underestimate my talent for business speak. If I bombard her with enough of it, I can make it sound like I’m being proactive without actually giving any details about what I’ve been doing.

S: Well, we’ll soon see if she’s taken in, she’s on her way over. Hi Janet.

Janet: Hi team. I’m sorry, I don’t have time to really go through your progress reports on the new project, the client’s just asked me to chair a conference call about it, which starts in 5 minutes. It’s annoying because I booked the afternoon off to meet my daughter in town. I suppose I’ll have to cancel that. Oh well, we’ll re-schedule the progress report meeting for Monday afternoon. Err, Susan, I think I know roughly what you’re doing, but can you give me a quick summary of your progress, Keith?

K: Well, we’ve hammered out our objectives. We’ve put our feelers out. We don’t want to re-invent the wheel, but then we don’t want a sacred cow either. I’ve been thinking outside the box but trying not to ignore low hanging fruit.

J: Good. I’ll look forward to hearing the decisions about the objectives and what you get back from your feelers on Monday.

K: O…k.

J: So what are you currently doing?

K: Err, at this juncture I’m actioning our game plan. I don’t want to let the grass grow too long on this so we really have to push the envelope to get an offer on the table. Hopefully no-one will try to move the goalposts, but I’m prepared to do the needful if there is any project creep.

J: I was prepared to put a small team in charge of actioning the game plan and managing any project creep, but if you’ve already started then it makes sense for you to continue on your own. I was going to take this project slowly but if you’re happy to put the work in then I know the client would be happy to see an offer on the table by the end of next week.

K: Err…excellent!

J: And what are you going to do next?

K: Going forward, I’ll touch base with the team and start cascading the workload, so all I need is for the client to give it the nod and it’s all good to go.

J: I was going to personally touch base with the rest of the team and cascade the workload, but you’re welcome to take that responsibility. Wow! You must have been working flat out, I was expecting you to have only just started the project. Thinking about it, it sounds like you’re better placed than me to chair this conference call with the client. You can pitch them your idea and see if they’ll give you the nod. Thank you Keith.

K: Err, no problem Janet.

J: Right. I’ll leave you to it and head into town, I’ll see you on Monday.

S: You really did impress her. Have you really done all that work?

K: No, I really haven’t started yet.

S: Then why did you volunteer to take on all that extra work and responsibility?

K: I didn’t realise I had. I have no idea what just happened. Oh no, I’ll have to work all weekend to finish all that, and I’m completely unprepared for this conference call.

S: It appears that you’ve underestimated your talent for business speak.