The Strength to Do it Alone

Insight of the Week

Parashat Korah tells the tragic story of the uprising led by Korah against Moshe Rabbenu. The first pasuk in the parashah lists the names of the other prominent figures in this revolt, one of whom was a man named On ben Pelet. The Gemara observes that although On ben Pelet is mentioned in this first pasuk , his name never appears again anywhere in the story. Unlike the other people mentioned, On ben Pelet disappears. The Gemara explains that although On was among the original instigators of this rebellion, he eventually rescinded. Thanks to his wife, he pulled out of the revolt. Therefore, his name is never mentioned again. The Gemara says that this is why he was named און בן פלת . The name פלת alludes to the word פלא – “wonder,” something extraordinary, almost hard to believe. It is truly wondrous that somebody would do what On ben Pelet did – pull himself out of a fight that he helped to start. Usually, once somebody throws himself into a controversy, into some cause, it is almost impossible for him to change his mind and do an about-face. But On realized his mistake and pulled out of the uprising, and so he was called בן פלת , someone who did something “wondrous.” One of the commentators raises the question of why On’s decision to withdraw was considered so “wondrous.” After all, the Torah says that Korah’s followers numbered just 250 people. The rest of the 600,000 adult men in Beneh Yisrael , plus the women and children – around 2 million people!! – remained loyal to Moshe. What was so remarkable about On deciding to leave the tiny group of rebels to join the mainstream? Was this not the easier, more natural choice? The answer given is that when a person is part of a group, he sees only that group. Everyone outside the group doesn’t count. Once On ben Pelet got involved with this rebellion, these were all the people he saw. From his perspective, these were the only people who mattered. And so his decision to leave them was, indeed, nothing short of “wondrous.” As someone who has been involved in high school education for many years, I can confirm this phenomenon. I’ll have a conversation with a kid who is involved in drinking, partying, and other things that he shouldn’t be involved in, and he’ll tell me, “Everybody does it.” Then I’ll have a conversation with a kid who goes to shul three times a day and is committed to learning Torah, and he’ll tell me, “It’s not hard… This is what everyone does.” “Everyone” is the people somebody associates with. Because everybody outside that circle doesn’t matter. This is what makes peer pressure so powerful. A person’s peer group is his “everybody.” He goes along with them because as far as he is concerned, they are “everybody,” there is no one else. How do we handle this problem? How do we resist the overwhelming force of peer pressure, and how can we equip our children with the strength to resist it? The Rambam, in a startling passage in Hilchot De’ot , writes that because we are so influenced by our surroundings, if a person lives in a time when everyone acts improperly, he should live alone. If necessary, he should go live in deserts and caves in order to avoid the negative influences of the society. I don’t know anybody who did this, and the Rambam himself – despite writing that his generation was this way – did not do this. What the Rambam meant, I believe, is that a person needs to have the resolve, conviction and strength to “do it alone” when necessary. Of course we are not going to live in a desert or a cave. But we need to live with the courage to do what other people aren’t doing, and to not do what other people are doing. We need to tell ourselves, and our children, that it’s ok to be different, that we are strong and independent enough to do what we know is right even if the people around us aren’t. When necessary, we are capable of living in a “cave,” according to our principles and beliefs that don’t align with those of other people. True, it might seem like a פלא , a “wonder,” to have this strength and conviction, to be different from the people around us. But if On ben Pelet could do it, then so can we, and so can our children. It is an extremely difficult challenge, but it can be done. Let us empower ourselves, and our youngsters, with the confidence to do the right thing even when it isn’t the popular thing.