IPD 035: Feedback Friday – Parenting In A United Way With Your Partner

Intuitive Parenting Daily

Hello and welcome to Feedback Friday. This is the day where I answer your parenting questions. The question I had this week was, “How can you raise your kids in a united way with your partner.” Now this can be quite a common problem. All of us have grown up in our own particular family situation, and we’ve grown up with particular style of parenting, and whether we’re aware of it or not, we bring it into our parenting. So, those differences might not be, we might not be very aware of them, but they’re certainly having an influence, so that’s when it can be helpful to actually sit down with your partner and have a discussion about family values. What’s important to you and what values do you want your kids to grow up with?

You can also have a discussion around family rules, and those things that you believe are really important in your family, that are really worth sticking to. The shared values, you don’t necessarily have to have exactly the same values as your partner, you can have different values, because our children can learn different things from each parent, but it certainly helps to have an understanding of what your partner’s values are, and what yours are. Find a common ground, but also have that understanding.

Then it is important and helpful to agree on a united front, on those things that are really important to you, and particularly if there’s a situation you want to shift or change in your family, to have a discussion away from your kids, where you talk it through, you explore what you’re each bringing to the situation, your assumptions, and then you come up with a bit of a plan of attack together, and then stick to it.

So, our kids are going to learn different things from each parent, and we don’t actually have to parent in exactly the same way as our partner. My natural tendency is to be a little bit more strict, my husband’s tendency is to be a little bit looser. You know what? It’s completely fine, they’re not too far apart from each other, that it causes problems. It just means that our kids learn from both of us in slightly different ways, and that’s actually a really good thing.

But, overall, it’s about seeing our parenting as a collaboration, as a partnership, and what helps is having those conversations about, “How’re we going?” Checking in with each other, “How did you feel about that? What would we like to do differently? What’s really important to us? Let’s stick to that.”

If you have a question for Feedback Friday, I would love to hear from you. Please post a question below or email me at [e-mail]

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