”Flecks of Gold on a Path of Stone - Simple Truth’s for Life’s Complex Journey” - Part One

Life Talk with Craig Lounsbrough

"Flecks of Gold on a Path of Stone - Simple Truth's for Life's Complex Journey" - Part One

We yearn for security. There is an inherent need deep within the fiber of our being that desires to be able to lean on and lean into the things around us, knowing with steeled assuredness that they will hold us firm and steady. We want life to be safe because we have a passion to engage life. And to engage life out to its furthest edges, we must of necessity step out of ourselves and into that which is around us. We have to step up, step off and step out. Any real journey is of necessity a journey beyond ourselves. A robust journey unapologetically takes us outside of all that we are able to keep safe, into that which we cannot. To do that, we by nature need some degree of safety in the endeavor.

Not only do we naturally yearn to lean out into life, life at many junctures demands it, and a real journey is not possible without it. Life frequently arrays itself before us in a manner that forces us to trust; to moderate or marginalize caution and to step out onto ground or relationships or circumstances that have not entirely convinced us of their certainty or safety. Sometimes we have to step out into things that are not of themselves safe at all.

Yet, if we are to journey, we must step out into these things. Likewise, if we want to embrace everything there is to embrace, we must step out into and onto all of these things for most of them do not necessarily come to us. We must of necessity go to them; extending not only the effort stepping out, but taking the entire initiative of seeking them out as they move either largely hidden or complete obscure. Life most often calls us outward. It beckons with grand and rich invitations that hold out the promise of growth and great adventure. But it does not always come to us with those invitations. We most often must go to it. The hard evidence of our passion for the journey is illustrated in our willingness to chase it however elusive it might be.

The Risk in it All

Life however is terribly imperfect. It seems that there was some grand design that granted us tremendous ability and then graced life with tremendous opportunity. There seems to be shadows of some great correlation where we were equipped to do great things and then life laid out great resources and ample space within which to do those things. The chemistry of it all made life something potentially grand.

Somewhere the whole marvelous arrangement seemed to have gotten marred. Somehow it was apparently damaged. “For the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23), which is the ultimate loss of the ultimate gift. The original intention of grand opportunities remains, but it now has to overcome obstacles, barriers, and various difficulties. Life demands that we battle disappointments, cruel turns, unexpected twists and surreal pain. Life remains for the taking, but it now comes with risk; sometimes great risk.

Betrayal as Part of the Risk

Into all of this comes betrayal. Betrayal is a cruel reversal. It takes the trust entrusted and uses it for purposes contrary to trust’s intent. Trust is a powerful thing. It willingly bequeaths both power and vulnerability when it extends itself to another or to life. Without trust, the greatest things in life are simply not achievable. Trust pushes out the boundaries. It allows us to extend ourselves out into places we would not otherwise venture. Whether that trust is vested in the destination itself, who we’re journeying with, who we’re journeying for, or whether that trust is vested in ourselves, it must be present. Trust is the prerequisite to risk and without risk little can be accomplished.

Betrayal takes trust and cruelly uses it to the advantage or purpose of the one initiating the betrayal. The agenda is most often self-centered. It’s about using trust to achieve an agenda that trust was not extended to achieve. Betrayal is altering both the journey and the intent for which trust was extended. A great gift is used for a great evil against the giver. Something painful and at times barbaric is then perpetrated.

Betrayal at Its Worst

The greatest and most painful aspect of betrayal is the belief that the very action of betrayal is not betrayal at all. Betrayal dressed in love and trimmed with the façade of good intentions is the most barbaric of all betrayals; being in reality a double betrayal. It is where the betrayer is set upon betrayal in a manner hidden and cloaked. It is chillingly devious and it carries an impaling venom deadly to the one who extended the gift of trust.

There is also a deluded sort of betrayal where betrayal is seen as a correct course of action or a necessary agenda by the one initiating the betrayal. Betrayal is often justified or rationalized as something other than betrayal. At times the action is viewed by the initiator as healthy or appropriate or entirely just, and it is projected as such. It seems the right and necessary thing to do. Unacknowledged betrayal is the most damaging and destructive betrayal we can experience. It presumes a violation as no violation. In the face of great betrayal it pretends no such betrayal. We are then left with the betrayal itself and no means of resolution with the party who betrayed us because they see no violation. We are left not only damaged, but we are left entirely alone with no means of justice with the betraying party.

Coping with Betrayal

Betrayal wounds deeply and its effects are lasting. Yet it has come into all of our lives and it will come again. There are several ways to cope and heal.

First, we must recognize that betrayal is not our fault. We may have done things that have been damaging or inappropriate, but nothing justifies betrayal. Despite whatever our actions were or were not, betrayal is not appropriate. There are always other means to deal with life issues. Other options exist.

Second, betrayal is often another person attempting to navigate their life circumstances. Sometimes those efforts are naively well-intentioned and based in ignorance or immaturity. Other times they are malicious, intended to force an agenda that the person feels can be achieved in no other manner. Either way, betrayal is the effort of an individual attempting to navigate some circumstance. Regardless of how or why it happened, it is inappropriate.

Third, betrayal is painful but it affords opportunity for growth. The farther down we are thrust, the higher we can rise. Betrayal pushes us to the darkest lows. These places, dark and cold as they are, create opportunities for us to grow to tremendous heights. Rather than embedding fear of people or life within us, betrayal gives us experiences and profound discernment to engage life with even greater risk knowing that our dramatically sharpened discernment provides us vision for a safer course.

Betrayal has likely come for you already. It may have visited you many times. You can be assured it will show itself again. Whatever the case, it can build you or diminish you. It will not leave you the way that it found you. Do not let betrayal betray you or your future. May you grow and be enriched because of it.