Crowning Your Friend

Living Emunah By Rabbi David Ashear

As we conclude the mourning period for the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva, it behooves us to learn one of the lessons that Chazal told us we are supposed to take from their deaths. The Gemara says they died because they did not give each other the proper kavod . They were great Torah scholars and most certainly did not belittle each other. But they were held accountable for not honoring each other the way they were supposed to. Chazal tell us when a person stands in judgment in front of Hashem after 120, he is going to be asked if he crowned Hashem king and if he crowned his friend king. This means that Hashem expects us to view others as if they are kings. A Jew is compared to a Sefer Torah . The same respect we have for a Torah, we have to have to our fellow man. The Torah calls us children of Hashem, and we must respect people accordingly. The Mishna in Pirkei Avot tells us, when we talk to people, we are supposed to make them feel that we are so happy to be able to speak with them. Rabbi Dessler writes, included in the concept of דרך ארץ קדמה לתורה is that a person has to feel obligated to give every person that he meets the honor that is befitting him. The Gemara says about Rabban Yohanan Ben Zakkai that he knew every facet of Torah. He even knew the conversations that the angels had. He knew how to understand the language of the trees. He perceived the full depth of Hashem's Heavenly Chariot. Yet, even while he was engrossed in Torah, walking the streets, listening as well to the birds talking and the trees talking, the Gemara testified that in his entire lifetime nobody ever greeted the Rabbi first, including gentiles. Although the Rabbi had so much kedusha and was so busy with his Torah, he understood his obligation as an Eved Hashem to give every person the honor that he needs, which includes giving them a warm greeting. Everybody wants to be recognized. Everybody wants to feel important. And we have the ability to fulfill that need of others. It is not just a nice thing to do. It's a full-fledged obligation. Everyone needs to hear positive things about themselves. Everybody needs reassurance that they mean something. Even Gedolim could use chizuk . Rav Elyashiv once told his mechutan , Rav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach, that his grandfather, known as the Leshem , first put out his sefer , Leshem Shevo V'Achlama , in Yerushalayim , and nobody really grasped its greatness. When the sefer eventually reached the hands of the Ben Ish Chai in Baghdad, he told his students to get dressed up in their fine Shabbat clothing, and they were personally going to go to the house of the Leshem and thank him for putting out a wondrous sefer that will light up the world in Torah for generations to come. After they came to the Rabbi and praised him, he said afterward he wished they would have come earlier, because by this time he could have put out volume two of that sefer . This story shows us how important it is for us to say a good word to others. Even the greatest tzaddikim need chizuk . If someone would have told the Leshem how great his sefer was before, that would have given him the chizuk to write another one. As we prepare for Matan Torah , we must increase our efforts in giving other people kavod , treating them the way that Hashem wants His children to be treated.