The Real Shadchan

Living Emunah By Rabbi David Ashear

Hashem decides who marries who and exactly when the wedding should take place. When the time is right, He puts everything in order so that His will will come to fruition and the couple that's destined for each other will get married. A man told me his good friend who we'll call David was trying to get married for about ten years. During the first couple of years, he went out a few times with a girl who we'll call Sarah. He decided they weren't a match, and he moved on. A year later, he went out with a girl who we'll call Esther. They went out many times, and he decided she was the right one. However, to his dismay, she ended it, and he was left heartbroken. Many years went by after that with nothing to show for it. Then, one day the shadchan called and said that Sarah was interested in trying again since it's been so many years since they had gone out, maybe things have changed. David agreed to try it again. About an hour later, a different shadchan called and said that Esther was willing to try again and wanted to know if he was interested. This was the girl he wanted to marry who he was never able to get over. He quickly called back the first shadchan and asked if he was in contact with the other side yet. The shadchan said he didn't have a chance to call them but was planning on calling soon. David asked him to please put it on hold, and he would let him know if anything changed. He then said yes to the second shadchan and once again went out with Esther. This time, after just one date, he saw clearly that she was not for him. He then went out with Sarah and saw that she was for him, and Baruch Hashem, they got married. David said he was never able to give any other girls a fair chance because he always wanted to marry Esther. Once he saw that Esther wasn't for him, he was able to give Sarah a fair chance. When the time came for Sarah and David to get married, Hashem made sure that David's mind would be clear, so He caused Esther to want to try a second time. When it comes to anything in life, we can make all the hishtadlut we want, but ultimately only what Hashem wants is going to happen, and we see this time and time again when it comes to Shidduchim. A wealthy man who was a student of Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev asked his Rebbe to pick out a good girl for his son. The Rebbe said he knew of a modest girl with yirat shamayim and told the wealthy man to come to Berditchev for the holidays, and he would set up a meeting with him and the girl's father. In Berditchev, there was a poor man whose profession was binding books. He had in his possession one very valuable book that he was hoping to sell but never found a buyer for. He was told that this wealthy man was coming to town, and he should ask him to buy it. When the wealthy man came, the poor man was too embarrassed to ask him to buy the book, so he sent his daughter there to ask him for him. When the girl came to where the wealthy man was staying, he thought this was the girl that the Rebbe was telling him about, and in order not to embarrass her, they told her to bring a book but she was really there to see if he wanted her for his son. The wealthy man inquired about her and heard great things and then asked for her for a shidduch for his son. She was very pleased with the shidduch, and it was finalized. When Rebbe Levi Yitzchak heard what happened, he said, "Once again, we see how Hashem determines who is going to marry who and nobody can say otherwise. I had a different girl in mind for this wealthy man's son but Hashem made the shidduch with who He knew was the right one." Hashem is always the מזווג זיווגים , and when the time is right, things fall into place.