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"Should I use direct or indirect openers?"

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Manage episode 287065719 series 2439125
Content provided by Mike Mehlman. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Mike Mehlman or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://player.fm/legal.

Main blog - https://mikemehlman.net/

Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/mikemehlman

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I've talked about before how the most attractive way you can introduce yourself to a girl is by just walking up and straight-up telling her your name and that you think she's attractive. This is a direct and declarative opener. Guys will get very impassioned about this and have all sorts of disagreements. "Michael, you're wrong. I think x." That's okay. I'm just communicating what I view to be the case. The exact words you say don't matter. "Hi I'm Michael, I thought you were cute." "Hi I'm Michael, I thought you were attractive and wanted to say hi." "Hey you're cute." (Then 7 seconds later telling her your name after a couple lines of talk, but not waiting too long) It doesn't matter the exact combination of words you say. Don't fixate on that. Was does matter is the mere act of you walking up and telling her, in some form, who you are and that you think she's attractive. For at least 95-98% of my cold approaches, I tell her immediately I think she's attractive. The smaller percentage I will tell her within 30-60 seconds. There's no mandatory reason why. It's just a matter of deregulation (i.e., winging your approaches). I've talked about how the male is his most attractive when he is maximally deregulated (i.e., 100% winging his convos). I don't want to make that the focus of this post, but it's still important I communicate that. Having an efficient, general structure of convo you happen to have evolved into is not synonymous with regulation of behavior or scripting. That should be communicated. What you absolutely do not want to do when saying hi to a girl is pander to the surroundings or what she's doing. Do not walk up and ask what kind of book she's reading. Do not make a comment about it being cold outside. Just walk right up and tell her she's cute. Guys will sometimes notice that they'll say hi to a girl, she'll turn and smile, then they say she's attractive, *then* she accelerates away or says she's in a rush and walks off. The guy then says, "Yeah, exactly, *that* is what caused her to be unreceptive. I said she was pretty, *then* she accelerated away. I shouldn't do that." That line of thinking is literally what you do not want to fall into. You telling a girl she's attractive will never function to flip a girl's state; it merely accelerates to expose the state she currently occupies. If her underlying state is unreceptive, it doesn't matter how direct or indirect you are; she's going to reject no matter what. Doesn't matter who the guy is. Then why does it matter how you open girls if unreceptive ones are going to reject no matter what? When you walk up and tell her she's attractive, and she engages you + exchanges, what this means is that her underlying state was receptive to begin with and your words merely functioned to expose that. Had you been indirect and pandering, that only would have increased the likelihood that she would have closed herself off. How do I know that? Because male neediness vs non-neediness permeates to the surface no matter what. And the act of the male indirectly pandering is one of the most salient outward manifestations of neediness. When a male opens a girl indirectly by pandering to the surroundings, what this says is he's trying to be...

Continue reading: https://mikemehlman.net/

  continue reading

289 episodes

Artwork
iconShare
 
Manage episode 287065719 series 2439125
Content provided by Mike Mehlman. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Mike Mehlman or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://player.fm/legal.

Main blog - https://mikemehlman.net/

Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/mikemehlman

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mike_mehlman/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mikemehlman.net

I've talked about before how the most attractive way you can introduce yourself to a girl is by just walking up and straight-up telling her your name and that you think she's attractive. This is a direct and declarative opener. Guys will get very impassioned about this and have all sorts of disagreements. "Michael, you're wrong. I think x." That's okay. I'm just communicating what I view to be the case. The exact words you say don't matter. "Hi I'm Michael, I thought you were cute." "Hi I'm Michael, I thought you were attractive and wanted to say hi." "Hey you're cute." (Then 7 seconds later telling her your name after a couple lines of talk, but not waiting too long) It doesn't matter the exact combination of words you say. Don't fixate on that. Was does matter is the mere act of you walking up and telling her, in some form, who you are and that you think she's attractive. For at least 95-98% of my cold approaches, I tell her immediately I think she's attractive. The smaller percentage I will tell her within 30-60 seconds. There's no mandatory reason why. It's just a matter of deregulation (i.e., winging your approaches). I've talked about how the male is his most attractive when he is maximally deregulated (i.e., 100% winging his convos). I don't want to make that the focus of this post, but it's still important I communicate that. Having an efficient, general structure of convo you happen to have evolved into is not synonymous with regulation of behavior or scripting. That should be communicated. What you absolutely do not want to do when saying hi to a girl is pander to the surroundings or what she's doing. Do not walk up and ask what kind of book she's reading. Do not make a comment about it being cold outside. Just walk right up and tell her she's cute. Guys will sometimes notice that they'll say hi to a girl, she'll turn and smile, then they say she's attractive, *then* she accelerates away or says she's in a rush and walks off. The guy then says, "Yeah, exactly, *that* is what caused her to be unreceptive. I said she was pretty, *then* she accelerated away. I shouldn't do that." That line of thinking is literally what you do not want to fall into. You telling a girl she's attractive will never function to flip a girl's state; it merely accelerates to expose the state she currently occupies. If her underlying state is unreceptive, it doesn't matter how direct or indirect you are; she's going to reject no matter what. Doesn't matter who the guy is. Then why does it matter how you open girls if unreceptive ones are going to reject no matter what? When you walk up and tell her she's attractive, and she engages you + exchanges, what this means is that her underlying state was receptive to begin with and your words merely functioned to expose that. Had you been indirect and pandering, that only would have increased the likelihood that she would have closed herself off. How do I know that? Because male neediness vs non-neediness permeates to the surface no matter what. And the act of the male indirectly pandering is one of the most salient outward manifestations of neediness. When a male opens a girl indirectly by pandering to the surroundings, what this says is he's trying to be...

Continue reading: https://mikemehlman.net/

  continue reading

289 episodes

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