M15 Ep026: Going with the flow

Mindful15: Stress Management | Mindfulness | Meditation

Mindfulness is not about relaxation. It’s not about clearing your mind, or mastering your thoughts. It’s about noticing. Noticing what is really happening. Seeing things just as they are without layering your thoughts and feelings on top. One of the things you notice when you are mindful is that everything comes and everything goes. Everything. And when you learn to go with the flow, life becomes richer and you become more content. Listen to the podcast: ? Or, read the blog: When you first start meditating, you’re taught to notice the ebb and flow of the breath. You notice that an inhalation arises then fades away giving rise to an exhalation. You learn to notice that the breath is ever-changing. With practice, you might begin to notice that distractions also come and go. Noises, for example, arise and then recede. When a noise arises during meditation, you could begin to think about how much you hate the noise. You could become upset with the person who is making the noise. You could wish the noise would go away. You could be concerned that your meditation is ruined. You could put a lot of energy into generating negative feelings and thoughts about the noise. If you do this, you will suffer. Or, you could realize that noises will come, no matter how you try to avoid them. You could accept that a noise has arisen. You could realize that it is just a noise. It is not a ruined meditation. It is not trying to make you upset. It is just a noise and there is no reason for you to suffer with negative feelings and thoughts about the noise. You might then realize that as noises come, they also go. Perhaps the noise will stop or fade or morph into something different. Perhaps it will persist and only “go away” when you physically move away from it. But, it won’t be there forever. And, that means it doesn’t have to have a lasting effect on you. In fact, the only way for the noise to keep bothering you is if you keep reminding yourself to think negative thoughts about it. Thoughts and feelings come and go, too. Realizing this lets you understand that to keep a thought or feeling alive, you have to continually revive it, to give it energy. For example, to stay angry for days, you need to constantly remind yourself to be angry. You need to continue to manufacture thoughts about why you are justified in being angry. Otherwise, the anger on its own, will fade. This is a wonderful insight. You might even notice that you are not your thoughts. You certainly have thoughts, but you are separate from them. You can sit and breathe and allow thoughts to pass by without engaging in them. This is powerful. Now, you don’t have to feel guilty or ashamed about a thought you “shouldn’t have,” because that thought isn’t you. It’s just a thought. You don’t have to give in to unhelpful or unhealthy thoughts. You don’t have to follow them. You can let them go. Eventually, you might come to the realization that everything in life comes and goes. That nice thing you just bought for yourself. You didn’t have that lovely thing a while ago. And you won’t have it forever. Maybe it will break, or become obsolete, get thrown away, be stolen, or donated to charity. Or, maybe you will be separated from it when you die. But, you will be separated from it. The people in your life come and go, too. There is nothing that we can hold onto forever. This may sound frightening, at first. We don’t want to be separated from the things and people we love. But it is a fact of life and learning to accept it reduces your suffering. It’s no good for me to tell you all these things. As a meditator, you will eventually experience these things directly. That is when you will see the wisdom of learning to move gracefully with the ebb and flow of life. Whatever happens today is simply what happens today. It may be pleasurable, or painful, or neutral, but it isn’t permanent. If we can accept and relax into the unpleasant things,