05 - Five Items or Less - Johnny Cashpoint

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Fifth song from my album "There Ought to be a Law", songs about things that infuriate me far out of proportion to their importance. Many thanks to Mr Sausage Boy for the title / idea behind this one. I hope he appreciates the little in-joke Oh, also there's a (not at all) interesting argument to be had about whether or not 'fewer' or 'less' is the appropriate choice on this occasion. But for the sake of comedy, we're going grammar-grandma on its ass Five items or less! Five items or less! Which part of the puzzle did you fail to get? Can you not count? Can you not count? Look in your basket and work out amount! Take a quick sneak peek behind you See us looking disenchanted, In the snaking time-strapped queue? Yes we’re Grumpy, holding just a sandwich. But you’re With overflowing basket and a Look that says ‘what can you do’? I’m holding leg of frozen lamb; it’s Giving me idea or two .... Five items or less! Five items or less! Which part of the sentence did you fail to get? Can you not read? Can you not read? That’s way more shampoo than one person needs! And you know full well that you’re fronting This ain’t the aisle where you belong. All this queue gazumping - Retail etiquette’s been wrong! And See that supermarket worker? He’s called Matthew, he must serve you Zap your lorry-load of items, but He’s with us, he also hates you ... Five items or less! Five items or less! Which part of a soul do you still need to get? How can you be still in the dark? You’d better not linger too long in car park ... Or maybe it’s a pointed comment, You’re a cross grammar-reviewer; but Guess what, we already know it Should read ‘five items or fewer’.