Recognizing and Addressing Expectations

Recover Yourself: Out from Under the Influence

This is the beginning of a new format for the Recover Yourself Podcast. Previous episodes focused on individuals and now we are looking at topics.

This episode addresses expectations, those we have, those we think others have, and those others actually have of us. Expectations are so hard to suss out due to their being so deeply ingrained in our experience. These are very often tied to traumas we experienced as children and so they end up showing up day in and day out as facts. To have expectations that others will judge us creates stigma within us. When we see it expressed by others it is proven that our expectations are correct this is a vicious loop that doesn’t give us a lot of space to learn new ideas. Recovering yourself is not easy and we have to allow for slow and steady growth. That growth is always connected to how we interpret, and perceive, the world around us.

Lona Currie of Hope In Recovery Network is my guest to talk about expectations. Lona is a trans man and expectations of what others would expect of him drove him to hide from who he was. Transition, to anything, is difficult but (and this is why I feature people who are trans often) individuals that are trans cannot hide their transition. Those of us who do not transition our gender, but maybe go from drinking to not, or change our marital, or work status, anything we can hide it when it is convenient. It may not be easy, but we can “pass” in normal non-intimate situations, hiding who we are at the moment. We hide because we have expectations of how others will judge us. Lona couldn’t do that and because of that he had to face, and present, his transition every day. Having had to do this his expectations were loud in his mind. Not being able to hide at any moment meant he could not hide his expectations from himself.

Questions to consider and discuss for yourself and for recovery groups:
What expectations are you hiding from yourself?
Where have you upheld someone else's expectations for yourself or your life?
Where have you felt vindicated to oppress others because of their choices? Are their choices a threat to you?
What expectations do you expect others to have of you? Are you making choices that you feel will encourage this? Can you see this is a closed-loop? Would you consider your actions or choices to be in the ballpark of "Doubling Down" because you feel trapped, unheard, or another feeling of not fitting in?

For more info, and connect with Lona

Hope in Recovery Network: https://www.instagram.com/hopeinrecoverynetwork/ | https://www.facebook.com/HopeInRecoveryNetwork/

Recovery Soulfood Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-soulfood/id1500459644 | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5LyDFCpEll3Z5isCWVtsbA

This Trans Life: https://www.facebook.com/thistranslife/

LC Recovery Motivation: https://www.facebook.com/lonacurriespeaks/

You can also find his content on ConveneCommunities.com

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