Venmo Moms & Volunteer Moms

Become A Calm Mama

Today I’m talking about Venmo moms, volunteer moms and everything in between.

If you haven’t heard of a “Venmo mom”, it’s a term that’s been going around on TikTok and Instagram lately. Essentially, a Venmo mom is someone who isn't really interested in being a hands-on volunteer with their kid’s school, team, etc. They wanna just send some money to support those programs.

You’ll Learn:

• Why Venmo moms and volunteer moms may not be so different from each other
• The good, bad and ugly of volunteering
• Why there’s so much mama drama, especially in the elementary school years
• How to start showing up as whatever kind of mom you want to be

In my opinion, one is not better than the other, but we can learn something from both approaches.

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Venmo Moms

I recently saw a TikTok from @nealfamilychaos, who was talking about how she doesn’t want to do all the hands-on stuff, but when she just sends cash, she feels judged by other parents who volunteer a lot. She said, “I don't want to be on PTO, PTA, room mom, team mom. I don't want to do any of that.” And she said that she feels really stressed when they start asking for volunteers.

Her video went viral, and there were a lot of comments from other moms who felt the same way. Even moms who do volunteer shared how much they appreciate the moms who send in money. There’s a place for everyone.

It's easy to compare yourself to other moms and to judge yourself or think that other people are judging you. But the truth is that there are so many ways to be a mom, and we all have different capacities and amounts of time, energy and money.

I love this TikTok mom for owning her own story and reality. She’s okay with who she is and the way she’s willing (and not willing) to contribute.

You can let your no be no - No, thank you. I'm not interested. I'm not available. I'm not open to volunteering this year. That's not gonna work for me. And just let that be okay.

You're doing your best. You're doing what is right for your family, what works for your kids or you or your finances or your time or your energy. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Volunteer Moms

There are benefits to being involved, on the inside and having some influence, but it can also come with a lot of demands, pressure and time.

I’ve been the volunteer mom at certain stages. The first year my oldest son was in elementary school, I really didn’t know anything about our Parent Faculty Association, and I didn’t want to do anything. Over time, I started to get more involved. I became a room parent, started to take on some leadership roles and eventually became the president of our PFA.

There’s a lot of unpaid labor in the mom world, and this video really made me think about all the things we’re paying for - either with our money, our time or both. It brought up some questions for me that you can use to determine where you want your time, energy and dollars to go.

Is it necessary? Maybe we don’t actually need to be doing all this stuff for our kids. Maybe we don’t need a special treat after every soccer game. Some of the things that have become expected or the norm really might not be necessary at all. And by overparenting, we’re creating too much work for ourselves.

How can we distribute the workload? Of course, some things are necessary. It’s not fair for the stay-at-home parent or the primary parent to be giving all of their time and energy to the school. It’s a huge sacrifice.

Can we outsource or do things in a different way that puts less burden on the parents? It’s not really cool that we’ve built a society that is dependent on the unpaid labor of parents. If there’s a group of parents who are willing to give money but don’t want to volunteer, can they hire someone to do what needs to be done?

What are you getting out of it? Personally, I got a lot out of volunteering when my kids were in elementary school. I got to know the teacher really well, along with the other kids in the class. I met some of the other parents and got to connect with them. I grew in my leadership, relational skills, problem solving, decision making and conflict resolution. I learned Google Docs and how to manage a huge budget.

Ask yourself what you want from your volunteer experience (if you choose to get involved). Maybe you want a challenge or to meet new people. There are growth opportunities there if you’re willing and able to pay the cost in time and energy.

Creating a No-Judgment Zone

The ugly parts come in when the drama begins. This can be true of any organization, but seems even more intense with elementary school moms because there are so many expectations, hopes, dreams, needs & fears they have for their kids and the school experience. When you put a lot of that anxious, perfectionist energy together, there’s going to be some drama and chaos.

Venmo moms aren’t the only ones who face judgment. There are plenty of other stereotypes out there of the PTA mom, the anxious mom, the perfectionist mom, the gossipy room mom.

We don’t have to buy into any of these. As much as possible, stay out of the gossip, remain neutral and be compassionate when someone is expressing an idea or hope.

You can also be a voice of love and hope and compassion, not just in your family, but in the communities that you find yourself in.

Whether you are a Venmo mom or a hands-on volunteer mom or a mix between the two, let's commit to not judging each other. Let's commit to loving each other and appreciating each other. Let's commit to not judging ourselves. Let's commit to loving and appreciating ourselves.

No matter how you show up as a mom, you get to believe that you're doing a good job.

You get to trust yourself. You get to take excellent care of yourself, whether that means volunteering or not volunteering.

You have the permission to show up as the mom that you want to be, and you get to create what that looks like. You get to try things. And if they don't work, you get to stop doing them. You get to quit things. You get to say yes, and you get to say no. You get to change your mind.

You get to be you in whatever way you show up as a mom, and you are good enough exactly as you are.

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

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