Repair: The Most Important Relationship Skill You’ve Never Mastered (Part 3) Master Your Marriage podcast

38:47

Struggling with overwhelm, shutdown, or emotional reactivity in your relationship? Our new Window of Tolerance Worksheet helps you identify your triggers, recognize dysregulation, and develop strategies to regain balance so you can show up as your best self in your marriage. Limited-Time Offer: Get it now for only $5 (regularly $19)! 📥 Instant Download HERE: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/window-of-tolerance-emotional-regulation-worksheet "Contempt is the poison killing your relationship." In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we delve into the critical topic of contempt, which they describe as the 'serial killer of marriages.' We explore how contempt manifests in relationships, its detrimental effects on emotional and physical health, and the underlying issue of grandiosity that often fuels contemptuous behavior. We emphasize the importance of connection, empathy, and the need for couples to recognize and address contempt in their interactions. Get ready for some actionable steps for healing and improving relationships, encouraging listeners to commit to a contempt-free approach in their marriages. Takeaways Contempt is a significant predictor of divorce. Healthy relationships require seeing each other as equals. Grandiosity can lead to contempt and emotional violence. Contempt affects not only relationships but also physical health. Empathy is crucial for maintaining connection in relationships. Recognizing contempt is the first step to healing. Communication is key to overcoming contemptuous behavior. Self-awareness can help identify grandiosity in oneself. Repairing relationships is possible with effort and commitment. Small, consistent actions can lead to significant relationship improvements. Next Steps: Get the worksheet: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/window-of-tolerance-emotional-regulation-worksheet For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

Master Your Marriage

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Snapping, Shutting Down & Fighting? How to Spot and Stop Dysregulation in Your Marriage 29:55

13 days ago29:55

29:55

Struggling with overwhelm, shutdown, or emotional reactivity in your relationship? Our new Window of Tolerance Worksheet helps you identify your triggers, recognize dysregulation, and develop strategies to regain balance so you can show up as your best self in your marriage. Limited-Time Offer: Get it now for only $5 (regularly $19)! 📥 Instant Download HERE: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/window-of-tolerance-emotional-regulation-worksheet In this episode of Master Your Marriage, the hosts delve into the concept of the 'window of tolerance' and its significance in maintaining emotional regulation within relationships. They share personal anecdotes to illustrate how dysregulation can manifest in everyday situations and emphasize the importance of recognizing early warning signs. The conversation transitions into practical tools for managing dysregulation, including self-check-ins and co-regulation techniques, ultimately highlighting the importance of compassion and understanding in navigating emotional challenges together. Takeaways Understanding the window of tolerance is crucial for effective communication. Recognizing when you or your partner are outside your window of tolerance is key. Dysregulation can manifest as hyper arousal or hypo arousal. Real-life examples help illustrate the impact of emotional states on relationships. Self-awareness through daily check-ins can help identify emotional states. Co-regulation with a partner can provide safety and support during dysregulation. Different tools are needed for hyper arousal versus hypo arousal. Physical symptoms can indicate emotional dysregulation. Compassion for oneself and one's partner is essential during tough times. Practicing these techniques can strengthen relationships over time. Next Steps: Get the worksheet: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/window-of-tolerance-emotional-regulation-worksheet For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

Master Your Marriage

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Unlock a Calmer, Safer Marriage: Understanding the Window of Tolerance 34:29

22 days ago34:29

34:29

Struggling with overwhelm, shutdown, or emotional reactivity in your relationship? Our new Window of Tolerance Worksheet helps you identify your triggers, recognize dysregulation, and develop strategies to regain balance—so you can show up as your best self in your marriage. Limited-Time Offer: Get it now for only $5 (regularly $19)! 📥 Instant Download HERE: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/window-of-tolerance-emotional-regulation-worksheet In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we dive into the concept of the 'window of tolerance,' a psychological framework that helps couples understand their emotional responses during difficult conversations. We explore the states of hyper and hypo arousal, how these affect communication, and strategies to widen one's window of tolerance for healthier interactions. We share the importance of self-awareness and practical techniques to manage stress and improve relationship dynamics. Takeaways: Understanding the window of tolerance can prevent stress in marriage. Hyper arousal is characterized by anxiety and anger, while hypo arousal is about numbness and withdrawal. Staying within your window of tolerance allows for better communication and problem-solving. Life events can narrow your window of tolerance, making it harder to cope with stress. Practicing 'micro sucks' can help expand your window of tolerance. Breathing exercises can reset your emotional state before difficult conversations. Grounding techniques can help couples reconnect during stressful moments. Recognizing personal patterns of dysregulation is crucial for relationship health. Sleep and physical health significantly impact emotional regulation. Building resilience in relationships requires ongoing practice and awareness. Next Steps: Get the worksheet: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/window-of-tolerance-emotional-regulation-worksheet For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

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1% Better Every Day: The Small Changes That Transform Your Marriage 21:46

4 weeks ago21:46

21:46

In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we explore the concept of small, consistent improvements in relationships, drawing parallels to the success of the British cycling team under Dave Brailsford. Real transformation occurs not through grand gestures but through tiny, daily efforts that accumulate over time. The discussion includes practical strategies for couples to enhance their relationships by focusing on self-governance, conflict resolution, friendship, and shared meaning systems. We encourage our listeners to adopt a mindset of iterative improvements, aiming for just 1% better each day, leading to significant long-term changes in their relationships. Takeaways: Real transformation happens in small, simple moments. The aggregation of marginal gains can lead to significant improvements. Success is often the result of thousands of tiny, often invisible moments. Couples often overestimate the power of grand gestures. Focusing on small daily improvements can change the trajectory of a relationship. Self-governance, conflict resolution, friendship, and shared meaning are key areas for improvement. Iterative improvements can be applied to everyday interactions in relationships. 1% better each day can lead to extraordinary results over time. It's important to notice and seize small moments for connection. The journey of improvement is ongoing and requires consistent effort. Next Steps: For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

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Improving Communication Part 3: The Secret to Making Your Partner Feel Heard 35:19

6 weeks ago35:19

35:19

"Listening is an act of love." In this episode, we talk about the critical role of listening in relationships, emphasizing that effective communication is not just about speaking but primarily about listening with compassion. We explore the challenges of listening, including ego, fear of change, and the urge to fix problems. Why is self-reflection and understanding one's own biases so important, and how can we recognize the value of feedback from partners? You will learn how to provide practical insights on how to navigate criticism and transition from being a listener to a speaker in conversations, ultimately stressing that truth and understanding are essential for healthy communication. Takeaways Listening is the hardest yet most important skill in communication. Effective listening requires humility and the ability to hold two perspectives simultaneously. Self-reflection is crucial for understanding one's own biases in communication. Listening is an act of love that shows care and respect for your partner. Barriers to listening include ego, fear of change, and the urge to fix problems. Internal boundaries help filter out harmful criticism while accepting constructive feedback. Navigating criticism involves acknowledging what is true in your partner's perspective. Transitioning from listener to speaker should start with recognizing the truth in what was said. Understanding must precede resolution in any conflict. Truth itself is not harmful; self-deception is what causes harm. Next Steps: For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

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Improving Communication Part 2: Speaking Wisely 41:16

7 weeks ago41:16

41:16

In this episode, we delve into the intricacies of effective communication within marriage, building on previous discussions about emotional regulation and self-confrontation. They address a listener's question about how to communicate concerns without coming across as controlling, emphasizing the importance of collaboration and vulnerability. We introduce an eight-step communication model designed to facilitate honest and constructive dialogue, highlighting the need for calmness, self-reflection, and clear requests. Get ready for practical examples and insights to help couples navigate difficult conversations and strengthen their relationships. Takeaways Effective communication requires emotional regulation and self-reflection. Collaboration is key in any conversation, especially in marriage. Understanding your role in communication can prevent misunderstandings. It's important to separate facts from interpretations in discussions. Self-confrontation helps clarify your thoughts before speaking. Inviting your partner to dialogue is crucial for effective communication. Presenting facts without accusations fosters a safe space for discussion. Revising interpretations can lead to more empathetic conversations. Expressing desires should focus on collaboration, not control. Small, consistent actions can lead to significant relationship improvements. Next Steps: For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

Master Your Marriage

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Improving Communication Part 1: Preparing Yourself for Tough Conversations in Your Marriage 35:15

8 weeks ago35:15

35:15

In this episode, we discuss the importance of effective communication in relationships, particularly during difficult conversations. There is a need for truth and integrity in communication, the significance of understanding differences between partners, and the necessity of self-confrontation to challenge personal narratives. The episode outlines steps to prepare for tough conversations, including calming oneself and recognizing one's own role in conflicts. We also highlight the importance of approaching conversations with a mindset of collaboration rather than control, ultimately aiming for a healthier and more honest relationship dynamic. Takeaways: Hard conversations are crucial for relationship growth. Communication involves more than just words; it includes body language and tone. Truthfulness in communication prevents incongruency and builds trust. Differences in relationships should be respected and valued, not avoided. Self-confrontation is necessary to challenge personal narratives and assumptions. Starting calm is essential for effective communication. Assuming positive intent can help you understand your partner's perspective. Analyzing one incident at a time can clarify misunderstandings. Honest communication fosters vulnerability and strengthens relationships. Self-soothing and self-confronting lay the foundation for productive conversations. Next Steps: For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

Master Your Marriage

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6 Signs You and Your Partner Have Strong Teamwork in Your Marriage 28:11

10 weeks ago28:11

28:11

"Good teammates don't keep score." In this episode, the hosts discuss the significance of teamwork in relationships, sharing insights from their annual retreat and emphasizing the importance of understanding core values. They outline six key signs that indicate a strong sense of teamwork between partners, highlighting the need for open communication, acceptance of flaws, and mutual support. Takeaways: Teamwork is essential for a strong relationship. Annual retreats help couples align their values. Understanding core values deepens connection. Accepting influence from each other fosters teamwork. A positive perspective on your partner enhances teamwork. Letting go of small flaws strengthens the relationship. Noticing mood shifts shows emotional support. Inspiring each other is key to a successful partnership. Avoid keeping score to maintain harmony. Teamwork creates a supportive and connected relationship. Next Steps: For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

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How to Create a Family Vision Statement for 2025 35:28

11 weeks ago35:28

35:28

In this episode, we discuss the challenges of busy family life and the importance of creating a family vision and mission statement. We share our process of defining a family's values, crafting a vision statement, and implementing it into our daily lives. The conversation emphasizes the significance of aligning family goals, fostering a strong sense of self in children, and the evolving nature of family values. We provide practical steps for families to create their own vision statements and live intentionally according to their values. Takeaways Creating a family vision helps align values and goals. A family vision statement serves as a guiding principle. It's important to involve all family members in the vision process. Identifying core values can help shape family identity. Life changes can shift family values and priorities. Regularly revisiting the vision statement keeps it relevant. Creating traditions can help embody the family vision. Decision-making can be guided by the family vision. A vision statement should be visible to all family members. Every family can adapt the vision process to fit their unique dynamics. Next Steps: For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

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10 Powerful Ways to Improve Your Marriage and Recommit in 2025 30:20

12 weeks ago30:20

30:20

In this episode, we reflect on their journey through marriage, the transitions of life, and the importance of gratitude and personal growth within a relationship. We discuss the purpose of marriage, emphasizing shared experiences and emotional connections, and offer practical advice for recommitting to each other as they approach the new year. Takeaways: Gratitude enhances the joy in marriage. Marriage is about creating a shared meaningful life. Personal growth is a key aspect of marriage. Every relationship goes through different versions. Small moments contribute significantly to a relationship's health. Communication is essential for understanding each other. Forgiveness is crucial for moving forward in a relationship. Expressing appreciation can transform a relationship. Facing challenges together strengthens the bond. Recommitting to each other can revitalize a marriage. Next Steps: For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

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Repair: The Most Important Relationship Skill You’ve Never Mastered (Part 4): What Happens After a Big Fight 37:12

13 weeks ago37:12

37:12

In this powerful and vulnerable episode, Robert and Sharla demonstrate how to process a regrettable incident—a big fight or emotional injury that still holds an emotional charge. Over the past three episodes, they’ve explored the ideal steps to repair conflict in the moment - which is ideally the goal. But what happens when repair doesn’t happen early or often? How do couples handle the aftermath of a major fight? Using the Gottman Institute’s Regrettable Incident Formula, Robert and Sharla work through a recent unresolved conflict live on the podcast. This unscripted conversation offers a real-life example of how to move past defensiveness, build understanding, and create a stronger connection. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: - The 6-Step Process for processing a regrettable incident: 1. Agreements: Setting ground rules to create safety and openness. 2. Feelings: Sharing emotions experienced during the conflict without defensiveness. 3. Realities: Taking turns describing perspectives and validating each other’s experiences. 4. Triggers: Identifying personal triggers and past experiences that may have intensified the conflict. 5. Responsibility: Acknowledging each partner’s role in what happened. 6. Constructive Plans: Collaborating on practical ways to handle future conflicts more effectively. - Why processing past incidents is about achieving understanding, not rehashing or assigning blame. - The importance of waiting until both partners are calm and emotionally ready to process. - How the cycle of harmony, disharmony, and repair builds trust, compassion, and deeper love in relationships. Key Takeaways: - Processing a regrettable incident requires emotional distance and a willingness to engage constructively. - The goal is mutual understanding, not reliving the argument or trying to “win.” - Taking responsibility and creating actionable solutions is essential for true repair. - The most important relational skills—trust, empathy, and love—are built during repair, not during harmony. Why This Episode Matters: Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. Thriving relationships aren’t defined by an absence of conflict but by the ability to repair and grow stronger after moments of disharmony. This episode offers tools to help couples navigate the aftermath of major fights with vulnerability and intentionality. Resources Mentioned: - The Gottman Institute’s Regrettable Incident Formula - Episodes 1-3 in this series: - The Rhythm of Relationships - How to Speak for Repair - How to Listen for Repair Next Steps: For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

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Repair: The Most Important Relationship Skill You’ve Never Mastered (Part 3) 37:38

14 weeks ago37:38

37:38

Create Your Strongest Year Yet as a Couple Get Intentional With Your Relationship in 2025: Download our exact blueprint to aligning your values and planning your year, with our 2025 Yearly Couples Planning & Alignment Workbook —just $19. Get it here: https://bit.ly/2025goalsetting In this episode, we discuss the essential steps in repairing relationships, focusing on the importance of listening, effective communication, and the roles of both the speaker and listener in the repair process. They introduce the feedback wheel as a tool for expressing concerns without blame and emphasize the need for gratitude and acceptance in moving forward. The conversation highlights that repair is a skill that requires practice and can lead to deeper harmony in relationships. Takeaways Repairing a relationship requires more than just talking; it requires listening. Listening effectively is about understanding your partner's perspective. The feedback wheel is a powerful tool for expressing grievances without blame. Starting a conversation harshly can predict its outcome and the longevity of the relationship Repairing relationships is a skill that improves with practice. It's important to detach from outcomes when expressing needs in a relationship. Navigating past grievances requires intentional effort and communication. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

Master Your Marriage

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Repair: The Most Important Relationship Skill You’ve Never Mastered (Part 2) 26:16

15 weeks ago26:16

26:16

Create Your Strongest Year Yet as a Couple Get Intentional With Your Relationship in 2025: Download our exact blueprint to aligning your values and planning your year, with our 2025 Yearly Couples Planning & Alignment Workbook —just $19. Get it here: https://bit.ly/2025goalsetting In this episode, the hosts discuss the essential steps for repairing relationships after conflict. They emphasize that conflict is a natural part of relationships and that the repair process is crucial for maintaining emotional connection. The conversation outlines specific steps for effective communication, including the importance of early intervention and the use of the feedback wheel to express feelings and needs without blame. The episode concludes with a preview of the next steps in the repair process, focusing on listening and responding effectively. Watch the part 1 of this series here: https://youtu.be/PFdG5XMaL7I Find the feedback wheel handout here: https://bit.ly/feedbackwheel Takeaways: Conflict is a natural part of relationships. Repair is essential for maintaining connection. Starting the repair process early is crucial. Effective communication involves expressing feelings without blame. The feedback wheel is a practical tool for communication. Listening is as important as speaking in the repair process. Recognizing disconnection early can prevent larger issues. Each partner's subjective experience matters in conflict resolution. Willingness to repair is the first step in the process. Practicing communication techniques can improve relationship dynamics. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

Master Your Marriage

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How to Use Appreciation to Break the Cycle of Negativity in Marriage 21:51

17 weeks ago21:51

21:51

Create Your Strongest Year Yet as a Couple Get Intentional With Your Relationship in 2025: Download our exact blueprint to aligning your values and planning your year, with our 2025 Yearly Couples Planning & Alignment Workbook —just $19. Get it here: https://bit.ly/2025goalsetting Get the appreciation blueprint discussed in this episode here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1i9oMWjKvBUg4IeujNdzBjLJeaUPLBExF/view?usp=drivesdk In this episode, we explore the transformative power of gratitude in relationships, diving into why genuine appreciation is so much more impactful than simple recognition. Through personal stories and fascinating research, we share how gratitude can boost emotional well-being, improve communication, and deepen connections with your partner. Plus, we offer practical tips for cultivating appreciation in everyday life. If you missed this conversation the first time around, it's one you won’t want to skip! Takeaways: The practice of gratitude is a conscious effort. Appreciation can dissolve resentment and contempt. Successful couples focus on positive attributes. Recognition is about performance; appreciation is about character. Gratitude can lead to improved mental health. Writing gratitude letters can shift toxic emotions. Renewing positive feelings can enhance relationships. Appreciation is a key pillar in successful relationships. Gratitude practices can increase relationship longevity. Expressing gratitude can lead to a more fulfilling partnership. 💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en…

Master Your Marriage

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Repair: The Most Important Relationship Skill You’ve Never Mastered (Part 1) 30:12

18 weeks ago30:12