SWM002: Getting rid of veto power in the bedroom

Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective

Episode 2 of our podcast! We can actually call it series now. Today I’m talking about getting rid of veto power in the bedroom. Often one spouse, usually the low-drive spouse, has absolute say over when sex happens, or when it doesn’t happen. But is that the way it should be? I share my thoughts and what I believe the Bible has the say on the subject.

Episode Notes

Introduction

• For the first 8 or so years of our marriage, frequency of sex was a constant struggle
• For a while we had a sexless marriage (defined as 10 or less times a year)
• We had a 9 month span without sex during one of the early pregnancies
• Arguing about frequency is pretty common place in marriage.
• Often spouses have mismatched drives, but the problem isn’t mismatched drives, it’s about who has control.

Sexual security

• A marriage should not be based on one spouse having veto power over the other
• 1 Corinthians 7:5
  

  Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

• One spouse does not have the right to deprive another, one spouse does not have veto power.

The common reaction

• The most common response is: “My spouse will want sex every night!”
• Answer 1: So what? Is that really a problem? Most people enjoy sex, if you don’t, you either need to see a doctor, or get more practice.
• Answer 2: Yes, it’s possible that your spouse will want sex every night, for a time. But, this desire might wane after a while, once they realize that they now have sexual security.

Assume sex vs. veto power

• Changes the dynamic of your marriage, for the positive.
• It changes from one that is selfish to one that is selfless.
• Your focus becomes on what your spouse’s needs and desires are, not what your own are.
• Has implications beyond the bedroom.

How to start

• Share this episode with your spouse
• Start going to bed naked
• Initiate sex more often

What’s going on this week

• Weekly marriage challenges (check here for the latest)
• Check out the Becoming more sexually engaged course for Christian wives, on sale during the month of November

Share List

SGMB_URL = "http://uncoveringintimacy.com/wp-content/plugins/social-media-silver/"; jQuery(".dropdownWrapper").hide(); SGMB_GOOGLE_ACOUNT = ""; jQuery(document).ready(function($){var widget = new SGMBWidget();widget.show({"id":"1","title":"Social Media","options":{"currentUrl":"1","url":"","shareText":"","fontSize":"14","betweenButtons":"1px","theme":"classic","sgmbButtonsPosition":"bottomCenter","socialTheme":"classic","icon":"default","buttonsPanelEffect":"pulse","buttonsEffect":"No Effect","iconsEffect":"No Effect","buttons":"{\"facebook\":{\"label\":\"Share\",\"icon\":\"default-facebook\"},\"twitter\":{\"label\":\"Tweet\",\"icon\":\"default-twitter\",\"via\":\"\",\"hashtags\":\"\"},\"googleplus\":{\"label\":\"+1\",\"icon\":\"default-googleplus\"},\"email\":{\"label\":\"E-mail\",\"icon\":\"default-email\"},\"pinterest\":{\"label\":\"Pin this\",\"icon\":\"default-pinterest\"}}","roundButton":"","showLabels":"on","showCounts":"","showCenter":"on","showButtonsAsList":"","sgmbDropdownColor":"","sgmbDropdownLabelFontSize":"14","sgmbDropdownLabelColor":"","showButtonsOnEveryPost":"on","selectedOrExcluded":"","showButtonsOnEveryPage":"","textOnEveryPost":"","showButtonsOnCustomPost":"","textOnCustomPost":"","showButtonsOnMobileDirect":"on","showButtonsOnDesktopDirect":"on","sgmbSelectedPages":[""],"sgmbExcludedPosts":[""],"sgmbSelectedCustomPosts":["Open Discussion","Module 9 - Wrap Up & Bonus Module","Module 8 - Making time for sex","Module 7 - Becoming adventurous","Module 6 - Inviting your husband","Module 5 - Passion in the bedroom","Module 4 - Sex and communication","Module 3 - Naked and unashamed","Module 1 - Introduction to Becoming more sexually engaged","Becoming more sexually engaged","Picture of my office","Going to miss my goal this year","SWM006 - The problem with breastfeeding","I completed forgot about a survey","Too many books to read!","How the podcast is doing","Podcast Episode 3","intimacy needed","Podcast Episode 2","Podcast Episode 1","I have no idea what to talk about","this week","Here we go again","Bonus: Introduction to bondage","Bonus: Introduction to talking dirty","Unit 3: Scheduling sex","Unit 2: How to find time in a busy life","Unit 1: What the Bible says about making time for priorities","Unit 2: Exploring your boundaries and the reasons for them","Unit 1: Understanding the reward hormone with regard to sex","Unit 3: Switching gears and getting excited about sex","Unit 3: How your husband wants you to show passion","Unit 3: Communicating during sex","Unit 2: Communicating about sex","Unit 1: Basic communication skills","Challange: Have sex with the lights on","Unit 3: Exploring your fears about being naked","Unit 1: Understanding beauty from a Biblical perspective","Unit 3: Understanding the sex cycles","Unit 2: Understanding what sex means to your husband","Unit 1: Understanding sexual rights and duties from a Biblical perspective","Winter is coming","music week","Premium Discount","Missing Post","Noises....","Lights out....","About nakedness","Positive views","7 Days Sex Challenge","hope all is well","praying together","Do I want to start podcasting?","Marriage Challenges Week 1: Praying with your spouse daily","one more day!!!!","Adventure","Struggle Initiating","Passion","Had my vasectomy done today","What do you think of possibly hosting weekly challenges?","Thinking of opening a chat room tonight","What would you like to see in a SWM phone\/tablet app?","trying not to get bitter","Sex Challenge","relaxation ideas?","Back to school special 50% off discount code","Finding Time!","Introduce yourself","How to get our of a rut?","A bit shy with the noise","Becoming Adventurous","What Sex Means to Me","Noises and such","Being One","I hope it gets easier!","Never thought about it","I think communication is complicated:-)","We might be opposites","Exploring fears about being naked","Talking during sex","Fears about talking about sex","Communication Style","Being Available - Always good","Sex With The Lights On","How do we get the sex is wrong dialogue out of our heads?","Being Receptive","Understanding the Sex Cycles","Understanding What Sex Means","Biblical Reasons for Sex","Links for the course","What do wives want? - A primer for husbands","Marriage & Life Coaching","Introduction to Talking Dirty","A Year of Marriage Challenges","Spice Jar - Sexual Activities Game - Printable","50 Sexy Coupons - Printable","Making it easier to orgasm - A guide for Christian Wives","37 Sex Questions for spouses to ask each other","Seeking Forgiveness","Help for Christian Husbands","Help for Christian Wives","Becoming more sexually engaged - For Christian Wives","So, have you become a sexually engaged wife?","Challenge: Jump your husband","Extend the sexual relationship","Introduction to bondage","Introduction to talking dirty","Scheduling sex","What the Bible says about making time for priorities","Monogamy doesn\u2019t need to result in monotony","Exploring your boundaries and the reasons for them","Understanding the reward hormone with regard to sex","Switching gears and getting excited about sex","Understanding what \u201cinitiating sex\u201d means to your husband","How your husband wants you to show passion","Song of Solomon\u2019s example of a passionate wife","Communicating during sex","Communicating about sex","Basic communication skills","Challenge: Have sex with the lights on","Exploring your fears about being naked","Understanding beauty from a biblical perspective","Understanding what sex means to your husband","Understanding the sex cycles","Understanding sexual rights and duties from a Biblical perspective","Introduction to Becoming more sexually engaged","How to find time in a busy life"],"showButtonsInPopup":"","titleOfPopup":"Please share it!","descriptionOfPopup":"Go ahead and share our site if you liked it!","showPopupOnLoad":"","showPopupOnScroll":"","showPopupOnExit":"","openSecondsOfPopup":"","googleAnaliticsAccount":""},"buttonOptions":{"facebook":{"label":"Share","icon":"default-facebook"},"twitter":{"label":"Tweet","icon":"default-twitter","via":"","hashtags":""},"googleplus":{"label":"+1","icon":"default-googleplus"},"email":{"label":"E-mail","icon":"default-email"},"pinterest":{"label":"Pin this","icon":"default-pinterest"}},"button":["facebook","twitter","googleplus","email","pinterest"]}, 114, '', 'https://uncoveringintimacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Sex-Within-Marriage-Podcast.png', '', 'https://uncoveringintimacy.com/swm-002-getting-rid-of-veto-power-in-the-bedroom/'); });

jQuery(".socialMediaOnEveryPost").addClass("sgmb-center")

The post SWM002: Getting rid of veto power in the bedroom appeared first on Uncovering Intimacy.