EP049: Matt Roth – Overcoming Challenge

Stepdad Success Podcast - Leaders Raising Leaders

Matt Roth, a stepdad of two from Rochester, New York, will discuss how he adjusted to becoming a stepfather and developed a mutually beneficial relationship with his stepkids. He’ll discuss how his own experiences growing up with a stepdad influenced how he interacts with his stepkids. Finally, Matt will share his philosophy on molding his kids by providing the guidance, love and support they need. POINT #1: Your Background Can Influence Your Behavior Matt was raised by his mom and his stepfather and had a difficult upbringing; his biological father was not around during his childhood. Matt said he often felt like an outcast growing up and got into trouble as a result. He said his early life experiences “gave him a template for what NOT to do” with his own children. Matt is very careful not to introduce emotions such as fear and guilt into his children’s lives. POINT #2: Structure and Discipline Can Benefit Kids When Matt first met his future stepkids, he said that there was an instant connection; he said it seemed as though they were looking for a male role model. When Matt’s future stepkids and wife moved in, the children were rowdy and the adjustment was difficult. Matt asked his wife to allow him to begin to discipline the kids and assured her that he would have their best interests at heart. He instilled values including respect and kindness. As Matt began incorporating more structure and discipline into the children’s lives, things started to change for the whole family. Now, the family has experienced a 180-degree turnaround, he said. POINT #3: Keep Your Eyes Open for Lessons Although Matt had a difficult upbringing, he believes that everything happens for a reason; he always tries to keep his eyes open for the lesson in every situation. Matt believes that his early life experiences have equipped him to fulfill the role of providing support, love and guidance for his stepkids. Matt said it took tremendous growth for him to realize that he needed to stop seeing his stepkids as “another man’s kids.” POINT #4: Treat Your Kids as Individuals Matt said that it is critical to realize that your stepkids are fragile and need love, support and guidance. He said that he knew he had arrived as a dad when he was watching a school play and said to himself, “These are my kids and it’s my responsibility to make sure they thrive.” Matt’s stepkids had some initial academic and behavioral struggles, but he said that by loving them as individuals, he was able to help them overcome these difficulties. He said that he found his purpose in providing for and forming his kids, and it has been a mutually beneficial relationship. “Look at [your stepkids] for who they are, not where they came from.” Difficult Beginnings Matt was raised by his mom and stepfather and had a rough upbringing. Because divorce was uncommon at the time, he said that he often felt that he was a constant reminder of his mother’s failed marriage. As a result, he felt like an outcast, struggled academically and got into trouble. He broke ties with his mother, stepfather and step-sister and reconnected with is biological father in adulthood. Matt said that his upbringing gave him “a template for what NOT to do” with his own stepkids. Meeting His Kids After going through a divorce, Matt said he didn’t think he would get remarried. But eventually, he met his future wife—and after a few months, he met his future stepkids. His stepkids were ages 5 and 3 at the time, and he said that they experienced an instant connection. Matt said it was clear that the kids were looking for a male role model. Moving In Before Matt and his wife got married, a change in his future wife’s living situation caused Matt to invite her and the kids to move in with him. Because his future wife was working two jobs to make ends meet, the kids were rarely disciplined.