Season 1 Episode 42: So Long and Thanks for all the Bath Salt Blizzards!

The Hate Napkin

Hello. I am Kevin. You THN customer support rep. I am please to happy help you with all hate needs you have. No, I am not in Mumbai. I live in suburb fortress town known as Burnt Korn, Alabama. I am neighbor with show special guest Carla, who is local Queen Dairy. Cows worship her glands of fulness.

You like creamy butter? Let offer me you full-year supply THN Creamy Butter with your listen of Hate Napkin podcast. And now I reach into anal bag of hate mail now we will! Oh, sorry, I can no help with printer problem you have. Let me transfer you to colleague Julia.

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Hi, cohost Arik, who is also driver for Uber! Julia this is! Oh no. You say Uber is worst corporate armpit on planet? What seems to be issue? You say faceless tech companies who sell out, and put dollar-making over actual service? I am displeased to learn there are support service representatives who raise chickens in background of phone calls for one dollar per day. Please let me place you on hold while I find my script, which was eaten just now by screaming diaper baby.

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Lord Almighty, we can all agree there isn’t enough hate in the world for foreign-based customer support call centers. Carla assures us there’s also room for hating naked men who drive SUVs onto front lawns—especially hers. Guess they’re serving Bath Salt Blizzards and Embalming Fluid Parfaits at the local Dairy Queen.

Meanwhile, Pauly from Bali is sick and tired of rating systems. “We don’t need a star system for educators! Teachers are supposed to be handing out gold stars, not pupils. Students don’t know anything! That’s why they’re being TAUGHT.”

Speaking of which, co-host Garrett gets zero stars for ditching the show.

P.S. GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! RAINBOW. UNICORN.

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