Season 1 Episode 43: Tap Your Foot Three Times, Senator Graham Will Be Right with You

The Hate Napkin

Please type “YES” if you want to listen to this episode. And “NO” if you want to rot everlastingly in the pit of hate hell. Please do not reply to this paragraph—no one is really listening.

To begin, co-host Arik smashes a plate of spaghetti hate against the wall: NO MORE MEDICAL APPOINTMENT TEXT & EMAIL REMINDERS! Especially at 7 a.m. a full week before said appointment is set to occur!

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali shows he cares: “So, Arik, how did the anger management appointment go?”

Pauly then wastes several minutes calculating the cost of penile enlargement procedures in the U.S. healthcare system. Finally, Arik interjects with his hatred of “please see cashier for receipt” messages at gas stations. The purpose of paying at the pump is so you don’t get stuck behind Lotto Man for 20 minutes!

Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, blesses all with an interpretive dance of Arik at the pump, doing his irate where’s-my-receipt dance in Florida: “GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! Ma’am, can I please have the bathroom key?”

Meanwhile, incoming text: “Kindly tap your foot three times in the bathroom stall, Senator Graham will be right with you.”

Group Question Time! Who’s your most hated Dick Tater of all time?

Carla is tired of Hitler glorification. She goes with Vladimir Putin. Now here’s an up-and-coming historical asshat without redeeming comic value. Pauly however questions Putin’s long-term success; whereas, Hitler has a proven track record. Also, it’s almost the Fuhrer’s birthday. Just don’t tell him to blow out his candles!

Arik wonders why Stalin and Mao always get short shrift? They murdered millions more than Hitler and never get credit for their hard work. That said, he opts for the Duvalier’s of Haiti. I mean, there are very few successful father-son dictatorships out there. Papa and Baby Doc for the win!