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Finding Intimacy Again
Manage episode 431868033 series 3538388
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Michelle Mays is a Licensed Professional Counselor and expert in treating sexual betrayal and trauma. She is the author of the new book The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Has Hurt You the Worst and she is the founder of the Relational Recovery Institute in Northern Virginia outside of DC. Michelle has created the Attachment-Focused Partner Betrayal Model™ to address the devastating dilemma that betrayed partners face when their significant other is unsafe to connect to, yet connection is the key to healing.
Betrayal is a serious stressor on any relationship. Some couples weather the storm and rebuild a better, more grounded partnership. In this episode, Dr. Jenn and Michelle Mays discuss the considerations for couples who are in later stages of recovery work and navigating intimacy.
The Stages of Braving Hope:
Devastation: fear anger, confusion, mistrust, ambivalence, stuck in activated state, chaotic, gaslighting by cheater. Partner as investigator.
Goal: coping, get help.
Realization: scope and depth of betrayal, trickle truth, stay or go, manage sexual self-esteem, sometimes in denial, ignore or allow minimization. Overwhelm.
Stabilization: more emotional space, less confusion. Future thoughts, clarity, reduced conflict, communication improves, decisions, boundaries, regain personal power, ask for needs. Planning for slips, disclosure. Connected to reality.
The Sexual Alarm system – goal to build safety (requires willingness, goal of pleasure)
Attachment (belonging, significance, fun adventure, bonding, connection, seen, heard, loved, known, validated = safe) vs. wanted, unknown, undesired, unloved, rejected, disconnected, ignored, excluded.
Creating safety/understand arousal with self-first à w/partner
Reclaiming sex life that was often never good to start.
Newness of Intimacy—even with a long time partner
https://www.instagram.com/michellemays_ https://www.youtube.com/c/MichelleMaysChannel https://www.facebook.com/OfficialMichelleMays/
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